I am reading about how many of you are in a sober high and I dont get it, you all seem so happy and motivated while im here crying everyday and missing drinking, about to get to day 9 but im seriously contemplating on quitting, i have no support and no one believes I have a problem since I seem so “functional” im afraid to do somwthing reckless in order to show them I really have a problem. I guess thats what happens when you get really good at faking happiness and hiding your addiction. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Can you actually tell yourself ONE thing that would be TRULY better if you did drink? You say you were faking your happiness so drinking doesn’t make you happier. Alcohol is all about illusion. Alcohol LIES.
You can do this. I believe in you.
My advice to you would be to stick with it. Day 9, your sobriety is in its infancy. Was life great when you were drinking, or were you just too drunk to notice? My life sucked when I was drinking. I wasn’t fighting with my spouse, or spending us into the poor-house. I wasn’t in danger of losing my job. Didn’t smash my car or get a DUI.
My life sucked because I wasn’t living it. As soon as the work day ended, the drinking started. I was passed out by 9pm, ever night. Didn’t help my daughter with her homework, and missed my good night hug. Didn’t have conversation with my wife. Didn’t do much of anything. I was physically present, but emotionally absent. A zombie.
Day 37. My life is great, because I am living it. It’s not all rainbows and unicorn farts. It’s messy sometimes, but it’s real and it’s mine.
Hang in there. You will see. Crawl. Walk. Run.
This is my third time and this time i am at day 30. I know how you feel… dont quit. My longest was 15 before 30 and today i am very happy, because i am better at work and most important at home with my family.
Why do you have to prove anything to anyone? The only person you should be concerned with proving anything to is yourself. Your friends and family dont live your life, you do! This is about you and your life. I was a very functional and very successful drinker, that didnt change the fact that alcohol ruled my life. Some people saw it others didn’t, but I knew and that’s all that mattered. Sometimes life just sucks. It can suck being a drunk and it can suck being sober. It is all in how you live and perceive your life. You are in charge of your life and your happiness no one else. Positivity is key.
Sometimes it’s amazing sometimes it’s not!
I have two years sobriety and I find it unbelievable to think that with only 9 days of sobriety you have any idea of what is going on or where you’re headed or what you’re getting yourself into. Go to lots of meetings 90 meetings in 90 days. Hang out with the good Old-Timers that know what they’re talking about. Stick with the same sex. Start with step 1 by admitting you’re an alcoholic and you cannot manage your own life. There’s so much you have to do you have no idea but get a big book and start reading.
You are very early in your journey. It’s kinda normal to regret the decision. You have hid from anything real for how long? Now here you are all the crap and no way to feel that escape. But you need to start looking for the positives instead of just what is wrong. And you talk about no support. Guess what there is a shitload of support out here for you. YOU HAVE TO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO ASK FOR IT. There’s several programs that will take you and try to help you put your pieces back together. The first few months (yes months) will test you in ways you never knew existed. But it does get better. Start to fix your why’s and repairing yourself internally, and then you will see why we are so happy to be clean/sober.
Stop drinking is one thing, filling the emptiness is a whole other game. Putting your energy in something else then drinking, you have to figure out who you are without booze. Its a lifechanging decision that takes time. Cut yourself some slack. Take your time and be nice to yourself. Oh, and f*ck people that don’t support you. Today I feel stressed out and anxious. Bad day at work. In stead of a bottle I grab my robe and curl up on my couch, Netflix it is. Tomorrow I will feel better.
I’m on day 58, and I’m right there with you. I have never really experienced this “sober high” everyone speaks of! But I also haven’t experienced hangovers, regret, shame and/or embarrassment. I haven’t let anyone down, and I’ve started actually feeling proud of myself. I told myself I was drinking to mask the fact that I’m unhappy or “in a rut”. Alcohol tricked my brain into thinking that it solved that. Now that I’m sober, I may not be happy all the time, but I can clearly see that alcohol wasn’t making me happy either. I do now have a clear mind and also have the tools to figure out healthier ways to achieve happiness. No matter how much I’m doing this for my family, real change didn’t start until I wanted to do it for myself. You can do it, too! It’s not gonna be easy. It’s actually gonna suck. Maybe a lot sometimes. It’s gonna be worth it though. It’s just now starting to get easier for me. I felt discouraged in the beginning reading about all of this sober high stuff. I was definitely jealous. Don’t give up though. We all recover at our own pace It’s worth it. Let your happiness be dependent on you. Not a substance.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I think the early days can be the hardest because the fruits of recovery haven’t had time to grow yet and the wounds from drinking and our lives in general are painfully obvious… add the emotional rollercoaster of alcohol withdrawal and it can be hell. We can be miserable drunk and sober until we change our thinking and our lives. Please reach out and use whatever support you can find.
I totally understand you and how you feel. I’m on day 9 too. The first days were not nice at all! No sleep, bad dreams, f***ed up immunesystem, dry and even flakey skin (i still feel like the sandman lol) and so on. But it’s your body, your health and well Alcohol abuse is NOT healthy my friend. It kills nearly every part of your body even if you only consume a tiny amount of it. Remember, you are born with everything you need and Alcohol is none of that!
Noone supports you? We do!
Congrats on your 9 days! Please keep in mind that some of us have been working on our sobriety for YEARS, so when I say I am sober for 10 months that doesn’t reflect the previous close to 10 years I have been working on my sobriety, the countless day 9s, day 1s, 2 weeks, the moderating, bargaining, etc… the incredible toil and work and anguish that has gone on for so long in my life leading me to where I am now. I was a highly functioning drunk for many years and so unhappy with my life.
The time between when I started realizing I had a problem and getting 100% sober was soul crushingly long, but a lot of work was done during that time to get me here. It was NOT easy and it was a process.
It is so hard to ‘get’ early in the process, but so so worth it to do the work and find your true self again. Listen to @Chad_R, he has good advice. Stick with it, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a problem. Keep moving forward…life gets so much better.
Thanks for the support you guys have no idea how good it feels for someone to understand, btw this is my second time trying to get sober, in october, i lasted 30 days without drinking and decided I could drink responsibly but that was not the case and ended up getting really sick. So here’s hoping this time will be different. Thank you for believing in me and your advice, you are the kind of people that make the world a better place to live in.
“Forward”…my favorite direction. If I were superman, it would be “up”, but since I’m not, it’s forward.
Being sober is great. You need to give yourself time to catch up. Your brain is still in craving mode- its ok. Totally normal. Trudge through it like a zombie if you must. You’re used to drinking so your brain is wondering why it’s not getting the high that it is used to. It takes time to reestablish a “normal”. Just keep going.
One thing that always helped me was making lists. Things i did while drinking that messed my life up. How it messed me up emotionally, and physically. Dumb things i said and did. Watch YouTube or read stories about people who really screwed their lives up from drinking.
Alcohol is chaos on the body mind and soul whether you are an alcoholic or not. A person without an addiction can have a horrible experience drinking just like an alcoholic can. The thing i can guarantee you though is when life itself outside of drinking turns into chaos, alcohol will continue to make it worse. Its important to have a solid foundation. Picture it like there is an earthquake. Building a is made out of the finest materials, on the most solid ground, in the best neighborhood. Building b is made out of wood and sheets on uneven muddy ground and in a worse neighborhood. Building b is going to crumble when life happens. You want to build a solid foundation so that you can be building a. A huge factor is going to be eliminating alcohol.
One of my co-workers turned good friend/pillar of real support posted this a while ago on another site. She’s also an amazing recovery story, but that’s for another time. It’s basically implying what’s inside of you, what you’ve decided to be, is entirely your choice. Sobriety isn’t an amazing musical number all the time. Sometimes it’s a boring quiet night, sometimes it’s changing your regular routines. Sometimes it’s getting over pride and admitting there are problems, which can be solved if you want. Here it is.
You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.
Why did you spill the coffee?
"Well because someone bumped into me, of course!"
You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.
Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.
Whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.
Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.
*So we have to ask ourselves… “what’s in my cup?"
When life gets tough, what spills over?
Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?
Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?
Thats great! I love a good analogy. Thanks for sharing
Glad I could help! I totally get the feeling your going through, not every story is gonna be amazing and tear-jerker material, like mine too, but y’know, still gotta see what’s next. Maybe the good part comes later.
Also, yeah, anytime a good analogy comes by I gotta steal it lol. Good luck!
Hm? Im not the op.