When you finally decide to go into a rehab because your best friends told you they would be supportive… and you get sober from cocaine for 15 days but your emotional issues are still there… and you push them on other things and your best friend that has been for four years you safe place tells you;
“I’m tired of doing things to you because I have a debt. You are selfish, you use your disease to do shit, you are a terrible friend to me and have been for years!”
So now I understand that he was there because people were pushing and putting pressure for him to help me. It was not love or friendship, it was fear of his own consciousness.
I’ve been sober for 15 days, I have BPD. I wan’t to die. There’s nothing left and everyone just goes away every time.
I’m someone who no one loves. That’s all
I highly doubt your best friend of 4 years was there at the direction of others. People have bad days. Days where their patience is short, or where other pressures bleed out through the path of least resistance: our closest and dearest relationships. What spouse hasn’t had a day from hell, and snapped at their mate, or kids?
There might be some underlying codependency issues that need addressing.
Maybe try to be a better friend to a friend who has been there for you. Say “look, I am in recovery and am still trying to figure out who I am, clean. Please help me be a better friend to you, by helping me understand what you are going through. I can’t promise that I’ll have answers, but I can promise to be there right beside you while you search for them.”
I have found that the better friend I am, the better friends I have.
I have Borderline and I’m on recovering. Hearing this made me cry for more than a hour in the company’s bathroom and I’m feeling like shit.
I have no one loving me and needing me because I don’t deserve it and I need this so much.
Thanks for your words. I’ll back it up instead.
You deserve a sober life. Keep clean one day at a time, and keep reaching out for help. Show everyone what a great person you can be. You can do this.
And Thay don’t forget that the reality of things is not always how we perceive it, esspecialy when you have a disbalance in your mind(Any kind,caused by abusing doc or medical). Try to manage that by doing whatever it takes so you can see things a bit more clearly. Esspecialy that you are so worth of effort, love and life …
Wish you strenght and luck !
And I honestly need people here ,showing that I am not alone in my struggles, sharing stories, offering advice or support.
I cried all day long inside. It hurts! He said I suck as best friend and I agree. He said I’m selfish and I agree. I always believed I was a good person, maybe not.
But I need to work so I put a fake smile on my face and did it.
Now I’m on Xanax going to bed.
Thank you all for the support but I don’t think I can handle another person leaving me