Hi - I’m new to this app and community, so I hope I’m using this chat correctly…here is a synopsis. I’m 32 hours sober. I have battled depression and anxiety since i was in high school and now am 36 years old. I’ve used binge drinking to block out stress, general unpleasantness in life, and to be numb. I’m trying very hard to take better care of myself. A good friend of mine is now blaming me for his relapse, because I wasn’t there for him when he came home from treatment. I flew with him from the Midwest to Florida to get checked on to rehab. I really believed he wanted to get better. When he came home, I had fallen into a bad bout of depression and was isolating myself from everyone. I visited him last night, and he was drinking. I texted him this morning saying how stupid I feel for believing he wanted more for himself. His response was to blame me because he needs positive, sober people, and I abandoned him. In the next breath, he said e are good for each other. My guilt is crushing me right now. Is this my fault? Should I have been a better friend? Thank you for “listening”…
Are you kidding?! No way is HIS relapse your fault. We don’t ever put the key to our own happiness and recovery in someone else’s pocket. He’s blaming you because he failed. (mirroring his issue onto you because he doesn’t want to take responsibility) Your sobriety is separate from his and it’s not your responsibility to keep him sober. His words and actions tell that he’s not working his program. Please don’t feel guilty and let it drag you down.
dont blame yourself his choice to drink again not yours ? you cant be there 24/7 sounds like your trying to get sober yourself maybe try a AA meeting . youve done all you can for him the only person your responible for at this moment is you best of luck stay strong and safe
Thank you both- I know it’s hard to learn to take responsibility for your own actions, but I could not believe a friend who claims to care so much can be so manipulative too…I often think my heart is too big. I’ve always put everyone else first, and now I’m feeling selfish for trying to stop drinking just for me. I don’t know how to get over that.
It’s unselfish selfishness…to take care of yourself to live a healthy life in recovery is mandatory. You have to love yourself first before you can love others. You can’t be a hot mess and care for others on a healthy level. Concentrate on your own sobriety and step away from his manipulation (it’s his disease, not him as a person)
@Melrm thank you so much for that perspective. I’m choosing to put on my big girl panties and make a healthy choice - going to go into work a couple hours then to the gym.
What an amazing group of people we have here. 
You got this girl…sisterhood in sobriety 
Thank you for your reminder and recommendations. I hope you have a great day. 