Boundaries/ Relationship advice?

Recently, I have become a christian. I like this guy, but we have had a bumpy past. He cheated on me and we are kinda off and on. I know he really loves me now but he always wants to do sexual/intimate things with me. I always tell him that I am saving myself until marriage and that I don’t want to do that. Sometimes I end up doing it because I am scared of losing him. What do I do?


Hello there, and welcome to the family :slight_smile:

I’m also a Christian and believe in abstinence outside of marriage.

In my early 20s, my girlfriend was visiting from out of town and I was about to deploy with the military. I asked her to stay with me at my place and we slept together.

A few weeks into my deployment, after I’d had some time to think about what I’d done contrary to my values, I really felt this overwhelming guilt because I’d acted against what I believe to be right.

I asked her what she felt about it and she was upset that I didn’t want to sleep with her anymore until we got married. This brought up other issues that really highlighted a contrast between our morals that I’d not seen before.

This painful experience helped me to realize that this person was not the person I wanted to be with because

  1. they didn’t help me to live in accordance with my values
  2. they were upset with me for trying to live my values

I broke up with her and it was one of the most freeing feelings of my life - though I felt so much regret and hurt from the relationship and from the hurt I caused her.

I can’t give you any advice - this is a decision that you will have to make yourself, but I will ask you this to help you see a point of view from a conversation I had with myself during my own break-up:

If this man is asking you to give up your values and beliefs just to please him, and he was not willing to honor yours by honoring your previous relationship, what do you think that says about the two of you?

Best of luck to you, friend :slight_smile:


I was going to respond and @Liljelly said it all well. Also from a space of relevance. I think as I’ve gotten older I can add that. If they truly care they will respect anything you want/need. Support and ride it out with you. Compromise and communicate. I think that you should do what makes u the happiest. Don’t worry about anyone else but what makes you thrive in life. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. Shit already happens in life we don’t need anything adding to it but happiness.