Is it normal to resort to alcohol, cigarette and sex to heal a broken heart?
My heart is healing but my pride and self respect is tainted.
Is getting back with him a solution?
Right now,I still believe that he and only him can mend my pain…What should I do?
I dont want to relapse again…I have done it 4x last year…
A lot of people do it. But in my opinion it will only lead down to a path of destruction.
Why don’t you want to be with him? Is he physically, mentally abusive? Is he non-supportive? Do you argue constantly?
I saw your post where you said you found out you were this guy’s mistress. I have never been in that situation but he sounds like a liar you don’t need in your life.
You said that your OCD makes you want to control him. Yep, I am OCD and I know all about obsession with a partner. The bit about him being the only solution to your pain is a lie your brain is telling you to try to get rid of the short term pain. I know this from losing a 22 year relationship. There are multiple people out there for everyone. Your brain just doesn’t want to wait for you to find one of them. This is normal brain behavior after a breakup but it may be worse for us OCDs. There are some good books out there on love addiction.
It’s up to you if you think you need to tackle the alcohol use right now as well. Only you know if it’s making you almost as miserable as the lying liar but it sounds like it.
He never abuse me of some sort but he is non-responsive most of the time after the break up and a few months of no contact…its like a merry go round
Hi Leila,
You made me cry! in a good way though 
I almost seek psychotherapy session last month but backed out because of it’s price per session.
It’s hard that it felt like it add up general anxiety disorder in my brain. I always think that all guys who tried to court me will not make me happy and my ex is my soulmate.
My brain is messed up!
Have you tried hypnotism? I do regular breathing meditation and hypnotism sounds way simple…
What books do you suggest?
Holly,
Hypnotism hasn’t worked for me. I think I am skeptical about it because it would feel like taking away conscious control. Mindful meditation sounds like a great tool but others on here can probably tell you more about that.
I was lucky enough to get into a free therapy program and am so thankful for it.
One book that was a break through for me was:
I have to go out but I will find more of the book links later. Keep strong and don’t let yourself think he is the only one. He’s not even a good one
Hi Holly,
The first book I mentioned was a revelation because I learned something about the roots of my insecurity and it sparked a once in a lifetime conversation with my mother. We know each other so much better now.
Here’s some more books that I read. They all helped to some extent.
On love addiction:
Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/323590.Facing_Love_Addiction
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9547888-attached
My therapist recommend this but it was only OK:
Break Free from OCD: Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with CBT https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13153285-break-free-from-ocd
For simply dealing with the immediate breakup pain this one was next on my wishlist. The author has some good videos on YouTube:
Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4811949-getting-past-your-breakup
This one is supposed to be good. It’s used by 12 step love addiction groups:
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/378144.How_to_Break_Your_Addiction_to_a_Person
For learning about cheaters I read a lot of blogs on this tough love site: http://www.chumplady.com. I am not sure how welcoming it will feel for you as the accidental mistress. They can be pretty harsh but the overall info about the patterns of cheaters is great.
This reminds that one of the great things about sobriety is that I should have the mental energy to reread some of these. I look at my library and get excited about learning.
