So I just got off the phone with my 11 year old Son. When I suggested that he talk 2 his Dad about visiting the next long weekend he has off school… He responded differently than he ever has. He said “I dont feel like being in the car that long” mind you, the last 3 years we were making a 4 hour trip every month and all holidays, ect. He’s never complained about the ride and always was excited 2 see me and would talk the entire ride back to the house.
This has been the longest we’ve been apart. He keeps trying to convince me that he wants to see me but doesn’t want to make the 5 hour trip. I feel like I really did it this time. That my kids are getting older and may not even have the desire they once had to spend time with me. They’ve seen me go to treatment so many times. And now that their Dad has moved on, I feel like they have in a sense. Farrah is 13 and is now hanging out with Dad’s girlfriend and her 16 year old daughter. She rarely answers her phone because she doesn’t want to say who she’s with or where she’s at. Everything has just become awkward and disconnected.
First time I’ve cried real tears since I’ve gotten sober these last 7 mo. I dont like it. It really hurts knowing my absence causes this behavior. I feel like they love me but its not pressing that they see me anymore.
I am sorry, that must really hurt. Addiction or not, kids become dependent from their parents and your kids sound at the age where that happens. Even if you can’t see them in person, you can double down on ways to be in their lives from afar. And kids usually become closer to their parents again once they have passed through adolescence (I hear).
And nice to meet you today.
Hey sweet mama, I am so sorry you are feeling so many sad feels right now. Holding you and visions of you and your babies together again soon♥️
I’m sorry that you are going through this with your kids. I kinda went through this with my daughter when I was in my active addiction and going in and out of treatment and the conversation or lack of conversations would actually make me cry because we had such a tight relationship with each other. Talking everyday and she would always want to come to Hawaii to visit me. I found out later that part of it was my fault for breaking her heart when I disappeared and the other part is that she was getting older and started to have her own life with her friends and that also kinda made me sad that she wasn’t my little Monster any more and I didn’t want to believe it. Today we have a better relationship and we talk more and she tells me things that she doesn’t share with her mom so for that I’m grateful. I say just give them time they will come around cause they know who is the cooler parent…lol other then that you are amazing job on your recovery keep it up. I’m very proud of you 
It’s so hard the first time you feel your kids really pull away from you. I’m so sorry 
it’s a normal progression in life but I know that doesn’t make it any easier.
Continue to stay sober. There is time to reconnect with them. If you stay on the path you’re on, you’ll make your way back. Try to stay positive and have faith it will happen.
Thank you so so much. You do know… and it’s so bitter sweet 
I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Teens are difficult. They are just beginning to understand how the world works, but don’t quite understand how we are all flawed and broken souls. They think adults should have life figured out, and can have a hard time dealing with difficult situations.
My ex and I divorced when my son 8. He and his mom moved back from where we were stationed in Japan. It was 18 months before I saw him again. I had him every other Saturday when I returned to the states. We got along ok. Then he hit 12, and had this “angry young man” thing going on. It was easier for him to be mad at me, because he lived with his mom. At 13, he said he didn’t want to see me for awhile. I told him I would respect his wishes, as long as he admitted it was his decision, not mine, and I would be ready when he was.
I made sure I sent Birthday and Christmas cards with a little cash, but otherwise gave him space. It was 5 years like that until one day he called me and asked if we could meet for lunch. We did, and we’ve built a strong relationship over the last 14 years. Now he’s grown and married. We talk almost every day, and see each other at least once a week.
I know it’s hard. Maybe give them a bit of space, and continue to get better at getting better. Continue to be accessible, but let them come to you. They will. You’re their mother.
I’ve had that intuitive feeling that I should let them call me instead of me calling everyday. But I scared to know if I would hear from them. That’s the truth.
This is a total description in a nutshell… “pulling away” that’s what it is…
Maybe send them letters, notes and cards. Conversation is difficult. It’s “synchronous”. Letters, texts, emails are “asynchronous”. They allow for digestion and contemplation before responding.
I feel flat out SICK🤢
Letters are hard 4 me. Because I always try to keep it light. So I dont have much to say. And for six months I wrote them every week and sent artwork to each of them and they said they only received 3 letters.
I’ve been calling them on Google Duo everyday to just ask about their day.
Im sorry, if its any consolation eveyone in my meetings that have experienced roughly the same thing said that their kids were a little leary about getting close to them after getting clean but over time they came back and started to trust them and want to spend time with them again. Also think their probably just at that age where you start to distance yourself from your parents. But i really think they will.come around. Just stay strong. 
I am so sorry. It is so very hard when our kids pull away, as most do at various times in their lives. I am holding space for you and your children in my heart. We can continue to love and support as best we can from afar and be there when they return to us. Sending many warm hugs to you my friend. 
Corin,
Hey lovie sorry your feeling down, it’s tough. I haven’t been allowed to contact my kids for 6 months and it eats me alive,
As far as your children, I guess perspective can be a little off, you said their Dad moved on, and has a new gf. Who also has children, they may feel torn. Like they want to appease their father, yet have loyalty and love for their mom., now a new lady walks into their life and they want her to be happy as well.
My kids mom got married about 5 years ago, her husband established a relationship with my kids, at first it kinda bugged me, like who da fuck do you think you are, your not gonna replace me, and at first it was tumultuous,trying to balance everything, but it came through and my kids flat out said he’s alright and all but you are our dad.
When I was still with Jess, my kids established a relationship with her and similar effect happened they kinda shyed away from their mom and became more invested in Jess. After a bit the new car smell wore off and it balanced out.
So what I’m saying is, let the new car smell wear off, your mom. No matter what your always gonna be their mom. And that won’t change, they will come around I promise
Lots of love it’s gonna be ok.
PS you had to post a baseball cap photo didn’t you, 
Oh Corin, this is heartbreaking! 
Am sorry that this is happening. My heart goes out to you! Sending hugs
Corin im so sorry that your going through that being a child of separated parents ta I can tell you I did the same thing to my mother and I never ment anything bye it and I always loved her but I ne er realized till I was older how I was hurting her. I doubt this helps but just know your kids love you but there kids and don’t realize how easy it is to hurt you
I know you’ve heard this before… but this is me saying it… “You have no idea how much everyone of your inputs, encouragements and supports have helped me in these last hours. It just a REALLY tough one for me… and so many of you, I’m now seeing. Your without a doubt helping me through this and my heart is full.” I just woke up and after reading your post
here I am crying again. A different kind of tears… Tears of acceptance 
I love all of you. Thank you all for taking time out for me today.
@littlemisschatterbox @SassyRocks @Milele
@Yoda-Stevie @DougM @Trashpandaa @Fury @Lionfish @Kaeo @MagicMama
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know how devastating this can be. I’ve gone through it myself, and it feels crushing at first. But you can get through it.
When my ex- and I split, she took our 3 kids with her to the UK. Living in the US, this destroyed me as I only could see them in person 2 or 3 times a year (and at a cost of $10k/year in travel!) But we found a way to make it work. We had skype calls 3x a week and we IM’d a lot. My kids were into online games then so I created avatars and joined them in their fav games. It wasn’t the same as being together in person, but we found new ways to close the distance and stay connected. Looking back, they were great times. Here is a screen cap of my daughter and I playing:
It is tempting to explain your son’s actions with your fears. But do you know the real reason why he seems to be pulling away? At 11 he’s a tween and starting to test his wings and find his voice. And your daughter is 13 so already in this phase of life. Maybe this isn’t a rejection of you but their discovering of their growing selves? I think others shared similar sentiments as well.
The best thing is to talk with them and get it out in the open. I know you fear they won’t call. Trust me, they will. They aren’t growing “away” from you, just growing into their own individual selves. Stay strong. You know you got this. And we’re here for you!! 