Broken Tonight... 2

He sat there and told me two nights ago “stupid reason to die.” he sat there and put a hotline. I told him I was drained. He thought I had cut myself. I was emotionally drained. Then he told me "I tried. Goodnight. " two days later. Sits there and give me a lecture about why my reason to die was stupid. The only reason to die if someone is tortured. But if u hit Rock bottom whereby have lost everything. Then just “pick itself back up”. Not end up life when u don’t think u can go on. That’s how I felt two nights ago. "stupid reason to die. "

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Sorry to hear this Jaxxi. Belittling ones feelings is never helpful…
If I may ask, do you have professional help for those feelings ?

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No bc they always put me on house lock down. Plus I don’t like counsclers

Are they worse than feeling like this ?

Yeah. Take away my freedom and have ppl watch me. Then I have to act like I’m fine to get out of it. But I was feeling better today

Can I ask how old you are and how long you have felt like this ?
What are you going to do to make your life better ?

What can we do for you to make you feel better ?

I understand where you’re coming from, and you need to know that if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Message me anytime and I’ll get back to you asap, I can just listen if that’s what you need. Life can be painful, and hard to deal with, but you don’t have to deal with all that pain you’re feeling on your own.

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Thank you very much

I’m 16. Been feeling this way sense 3rd-4th grade.
I don’t know right now.
And I also ain’t gotta clue

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So, tell us a little more about yourself… just trying to get to know you a bit better.
Why are you feeling like this ?
How’s school ? How’s life at home ?
Can you talk this over with your parents, or a school counsellor ?

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Perhaps you might feel better today but what happens next time?
People are there to help you, it may be uncomfortable and a nuisance for a while but if it helps you, surely that’s better than going through this kind of torment all the time.
Keep reaching out.yeah?

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Feeling like this bc some body told me that my reason to die was stupid. School is going ok. Life at home is fine. If I brought it up to my mom then I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere n all sharp objects will be taken and etc.

Hi Jaxxi, I’m glad to read you are still here and interacting. That’s a big step and can be of immense help to you, depends on how you take it all in and how much you put out, like with everything. I wanted to say re councilors: it doesn’t have to be the way you fear, where you’re on watch and have to pretend to be happier than you are to get some freedom back. Ideally, a therapist or councilor is someone you can talk to about everything, and they just listen and don’t judge you. It’s their job to understand and offer help to people like you and me and many here who struggle with life. Let me tell you that when I was your age I was already deep in my depression, I was cutting my arm too, although only a few times, and my drinking started. Fun times. I wished now some one had suggested to me then to seek help. Instead, I spiraled out of control in slow motion and became ever more unhappy.
I am lucky to have an amazing therapist nowadays who helps me to learn to see what is going on and recognise my feelings. I think you would benefit from that aswell, if as you say you’ve been feeling depressed and bad since you were young. Look into it, it can help you a lot. I also share your fear of being locked up, my great fear was always to end up forever in a mental institution. Sounds stupidly dramatic, but it’s true. This fear kept me from doing any serious harm to myself but also kept me from seeking help for a very long time. I understand the stigma. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Your feelings are valid. But like everyone growing up, you have to learn to deal with them. It’s good to accept help for this.

Hope to hear from you again soon!

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I hope you’re feeling at least a little better today. :purple_heart: