Bully at work pushes my buttons :(

love
sobriety
motivation

#1

My work-life used to be close to perfect. And it will be because on June 5 I am officially changing jobs. There’s just me and M in the office. Recently, over a minor disagreement, she’s been giving me the silent treatment (complete with putting in her earbuds and turning her computer so that I can’t see what she’s doing, we sit next to each other). She snipes at me on WhatsApp in the work group we had, passive aggressively (I quit the group). She’s pushing all my buttons bc if you can believe it I’ve never been bullied before and it pushes me also toward depression and triggers me SO BAD. I liked my job and I still like it, and I have a month and a half left there but… Agh… It makes me want to revert to my old behaviors, attention seeking, sex ,love anything to make me feel like someone likes me…


#2

Hi, I don’t know if I can help, but I can definitely relate to your share. When I was in my mid-late 20’s I felt the same way about one of my co-workers. I liked my job except for her. A friend of my parents who worked in HR advised me to “never quit a job because of someone else.” I never did and soon she left because she was pregnant! :slight_smile:


#3

I just read an article about this. The heading was “employees don’t leave jobs, they leave toxic work environments”. Too true! Glad you found another job, but it would suck to deal with someone like that.


#4

I literally just came across an article entitled “why women bully other women at work” on law firms and the passive aggressive kind is the worst… It’s not great for me in my current state I mean it sucks for my recovery obviously… Sigh. I try to ignore it. I’ll be ok…


#5

Bless u … ive really not got much in the way of advice but id like u to know im so upset for u … i been bullied and its so hurtful… i really hope and pray u krrp being the good person u r and keep strong x


#6

Ive been through this a few times in many jobs unfortunately! Its hard but try and ignore it eventually sometimes they stop as they realise they are getting nothing from it.
Its awful though to work in an environment like that and im glad your getting out of it :slight_smile:


#7

Thanks guys. I’ll probably be back here during the week venting but this is coming at a really bad time for me bc I’m just reaching the first important steps of sobriety and i wish I could focus ONLY on that right now. It’s very hurtful.


#8

She can’t push the buttons that aren’t there. I believe it was written in the Bible, “remove from thine self thy buttons so that no heathen may pusheth them”. Idk, that’s probably where I read it. :wink:
I think that early sobriety is a perfect time to get selfish and give zero fucks what other people think or do. It is a time to focus on what makes us happy and healthy and to let go of the toxic relationships and codependency that have been dragging us down. Rise up, be the adult, and try to empathize with someone who has very little emotional literacy. Maybe ask her if she wants to talk about what is bothering her.


#9

Want on my list for voodoo dolls?:rofl:


#10

Kill her with kindness. She will probably leave before you do. I’ve had SO many things like this happen to me. Girls/woman who act like that I truly believe are just insecure or they thrive on drama. Don’t give her any of your energy. I know it’s hard, but it works. Hoping your work week goes better this week.


#11

You Teach People How To Treat You!!!


#12

I love this. Kill them with kindness, thats what my mom always said. Funny how she oftwn wasnt kind though… lol.
Also, how do I get on this list for Voodoo dolls? Can I order an entire football team? :joy:

My best advice for the bullying is to enjoy the silence, enjoy not having to make conversation with someone so petty and unworthy. Also hold pride in being a better person & not stooping down to their level.


#13

Wow thank you guys. Y’all are so right. Enjoy the silence. Kill with kindness. I’ll do my best. My sobriety comes first. I really appreciate every comment I’ll read this thread again Monday morning :wink:


#14

Rise above it hun its all her own issues she is there with her little dark cloud over her head trying to dim ur sunshine…well shine brighter my friend xx :rainbow::metal::dog2:


#15

For sure, I’m on it!:smiley:


#16

I can totally relate im working as a dental assistant and my boss (the dentist) is riding me constantly. Ive been there for a month now and have only assisted him in maybe 7 different procedures. If anyone has ever worked in the dental field you know each dentist has particular styles and wants snd needs vary from doctor to doctor. The procesdures for the most part and the materials are typically the same. Ive been doing this for 15 years now and had been blessed to work with some amazing dentist but with my favorite one my disease of course came to play and sabotaged that and a lot of my life in my 20’s. If recovery has taught me anything its that I am the worth and value i put on myself and if anything or anyone devalues that i need to walk away. Cudos to you on the new gig and i wish you all the best. Im debating whether i ride this out and put my best foot forward and challenge myself to push on and not let my emotions run riot or listen to my gut that this guy is high maintenance and will never be the kind of employer to balance the "constructive criticism " with a pat on the back once in a blue moon. I know there’s decent people to work for out there and i dont need to be someones punching bag when they are having a bad day. My real dream is being a comedy writer snd im pursuing that this job right now is just a means to financial amends in my life. I dont do change neccesarily well and the thought of going to another new office to start all over is a bit scary and deflating because for custody reasons i need to show consistency and stability . The staff in this office personality wise is pretty awesome minus the head doctor and another assistant with a bad attitude. She is either complaining about work or her personal life and is very expressive with the eye rolling and rubbing of the face. The doctor has us do morning huddles and acts super positive and upbeat during these and also tries to express desire to show positive support and tells me directly in front of the whole staff to ask any questions and reach out for help so i can grow and that they are all here for support. Words are great but action is better literally when i have asked for help or told id get guidance each of the individuals brushed it off and would tell me later. I have also voiced that we should have open communication in regards to the schedule and who will be with what doctor and that we ask one another for help if its needed this has fallen on deaf ears. A patient was due in and i was assisting the head doctor (because in morning huddle he asked who would be helping him that day…it went silent and no one was volunteering to do it so of course being a all in or nothing kind if gal rushed out with I’ll do it) the morning was hell he had an attitude from the start. So when this one patient was coming in i communicated to the other assistants hey im ready for this patient i pulled up all his files on the computer in room 5 where i’ve set him up and i have his xray set up in the xray room ready to go just so we are all on the same page…patient comes is first escorted to the consult room to discuss finances with the doctor and office manager (i keep pacing past the door sporadically to check to see if they are done so i can quickly bring him back and no have him waiting) i go back to work on sterilization because its taking quite some time and finally the office manager pops her head around the corner and asks Emily are you ready to take that x-ray for me and i reply yes im all set up so i quickly go to the xray room to take his xray and there is the other assistant (we will name her thot) was gloving up and i see the patient getting the lead apron put on by the office manager and i say hi my name is emily i’ll be taking your xray today…then thot is standing there putting gloves on and looks me in the eyes with this smug ass look and says “oh i was gonna take it…but if you want to. And so looking like an inept asshole i reply " thats silly you are all gloved up go ahead and take the xray”. What the fuck. Im pretty sure my words in describing all this to you guys are dripping in resentment and angry which is a dangerous place for me but im frustrated. I couldnt have veen more direct in short of drawing a damn playbook on how this appointment was supposed to go and of course all my boss will see is thot took care of said duties and where the hell was I. Im not getting the support for whatever the reason and im guessing its that this assistant is feeling threatened with her job security as she is also hormonal and pregnant unwanted (her words) and im trying to be understanding but i too have children and need this job and being made to look bad for her personal reasons is not ok. This is just one instance im describing as over the past month there have been many. Im not really sure what to do from here because i also feel that going to the doctor and communicating my frustration will probably just look like im playing the victim and making excuses. The other new assistant that was hired right after me us seeing and expierencing this as well but i dont want to drag her into it unless she us willing and i absolutely wouldn’t do that. Im passive by nature i avoid conflict and battle things internally which has led to chronic relapses because i bottle that shit up. Im thinking of looking elsewhere but because of recovery i question my intentions and motives now and i never use to think this way. Am i avoiding sticking up for myself because i fear rejection. Am i just pointing fingers and playing the victim? Recovery is a blessing and a curse because now i know more about me and life and to take a step back and look st the angles i never wanted to.


#17

@Zuz_Anna just imagine what issues she has and use that to have compassion and sympathy for her. While you’re working your tail off to get healthier she’s stuck in the muck of her life.


#18

I’m sure y’all will hear from the tomorrow but first off @Emily_Myhers I’m so sorry to hear your boss and the other assistant are not being kind. Killing with kindness is a challenge when you are feeling vulnerable and with my anxiety disorder I always feel vulnerable. Esp with a person that I shared fun banter with two weeks ago and now this.
But yes, her inner world is a dark angry place, I have glimpsed it before, not to mention her relationship with a guy who’s been married for 10 years, and not to her…as always in recovery I’ll take it one day at a time. I hate the feeling of not wanting to go to work bc I’m not like this. Perhaps knowing that I’m leaving soon affects how I feel and, let’s be honest, my performance at work… I’ll be ok. A few more weeks and I’m done.


#19

So true. I’ve been working so hard to be better and in the 4 years I’ve known her she’s hasn’t changed at all.


#20

It’s Monday. Deep breath. Here goes nothing!