The work marathon continues. To be clear, typically my job calls for me to be there the usual 8a-5p, 5 days a week, on the regular. I’m also called upon to support other off-shift or on-call duties. Outside of my regular days, I’ve had 2-3 additional night, overnight, or weekend shifts every week for the last few weeks as some activities ramp up.
I mentioned to my boss I’d like Friday off after my (amazing) friend’s wedding Thursday. He emphatically agreed, noting I’ve been pulling a lot lately. Later we realize I was already scheduled to support something starting Thursday overnight and through the weekend.
Old me would be losing his mind right now, probably blacking out drunk every chance between shifts. The change that’s come with going to meetings and enjoying/working on the benefits of a sober life is all that’s given me the clarity to keep going. (It’s amazingly easier this way. Who knew? )
But it’s also wearing thin. I feel like all I can do is be vigilant, but I’m pretty damn sure I can’t keep this up forever. I want to focus more on a more balanced life. I don’t want to lose what I’ve been finding!
Hey, you’ve got this. I’ve felt the grip of the addiction before as well. Like you’re walking a fine line between sobriety and relapse. Stay focused. Be responsible and reliable, that’s definitely not what old you would do.
Is there a reason that you do the extra shifts as well as your usual hours, like is that in your contract? Might you have an option to ask your boss to take some TOIL from your usual hours when activities ramp up? Or at least a day off, if not the full time back? What would happen if you said no? Are you able to have this conversation with your boss?
Sorry for the barrage of questions but some stuff to think about. Appreciate when there is a massive culture of overwork it can be difficult but a bit of an awkward conversation now (or maybe once everything settles down) is probably better than burning out in the long run.
It’s not in my contract so much as I’m middle management. There’s lots of daily stuff to tend to and I hate feeling behind (and always feel behind). You are right of course, it is a discussion we can have. My boss is pretty mindful of people pushing themselves too hard. If you pull an overnight he doesn’t expect you there first thing in the morning so long as he is aware. He expects us to finish things when we say we will, but he’s also fair.
Frankly this has a lot to do with me being very important and needing to be the one who’s there for everything (#sarcasm, #selfawareness). Alcoholic thinking, as my aunt would say. If I had been able to let go more, been better at teaching and promoting others, probably things would be better for everyone. If I’d had my sobriety I probably would have more finished already. I see that clearly now and am working on it where I can.
It’s hard to shake the feeling I’m in a trap of my own making. When it comes to this specifically, how much is reasonable, how much is still lingering alcoholic/a-hole thinking, how much is a mess I made and what can be done to set things aright again. Right enough to find some peace.
Lately it comes to whether I should move on (where?) or stay no matter what while I get my attitude adjustment.
Great that you have a nice boss. That really helps.
And yep you’re right, if you’d done things differently before things would be different now. But who really knows what that would be! The fact that you have your sobriety now is obviously giving you some clarity and that’s amazing. Seriously, give yourself some credit for that. Trust yourself to do what you need to do - and remember that you can only do what you can!
Yeah, that’s wise. He should probably know where I’m at anyway. He knows I’ve dried out, but we haven’t talked about the full extent of it yet. I probably owe him that besides.
Thank you. And @DungeonMaster, too. You’re right, caving is what drink me would do. After a night’s rest responsible was easier to manage, and I felt better.
This is hard. Like… An easier way to live that gets weirdly better everyday. But f—ing hard.
Hey, thanks for asking! The wedding was great. Posted around a bit about it, but took it as a chance to sober-listen/meet some of my friends’ other friends and family. And it was amazing; they were all very cool.
Left feeling great for work. The shift went clean through the night and we got things up and running just in time. Caught myself getting… punchy by the end, but still in good spirit. Yesterday left work to itself, slept and took care of things at home. Found out the facility crashed after I left, but everything was fine.
Have another one tonight overnight, not too worried. The wedding and yesterday’s rest are carrying the day. Gonna talk to the boss after we get these happy customers on their way.
It also occurred to me I’m not the only one at work having this problem, so I might pitch that we work on how to schedule these things better for everyone as a matter of policy. (I help write the schedule that’s biting my ass right now.)
Good for you for taking the time to rest! Not so good that everything crashed… But I’m guessing they managed to get it sorted? I know it’s good to feel needed at work etc but I am increasingly appreciating the feeling that I actually don’t always need to be the one fixing things, there are lots of capable people who can get stuff sorted!
So glad you got to enjoy the wedding and what a brilliant idea to raise the issue at an organisation level. I’m sure lots of people will rally round to help make it work!
You’re right as always on all accounts! I left the department to someone else and he and the rest of the team managed everything perfectly. I’d not have even known had I not peeked at our online logs. I am not the center of the universe, it seems.
Haha well maybe another way to look at is you’re always the centre of your universe. And when you’re not at work that means you can be the centre of other things, like taking care of yourself or doing things you like.
Later we realize I was already scheduled to support something starting Thursday overnight and through the weekend. 
)
