Guys and gals I haven’t called on support here for awhile. I’m 1 year 11 months 15 days sober.
I’ve just broken up with a woman. I moved across my country to be near her when I pursued study. She was great. I pretty much self sabotaged it as I was one foot in and a little out. I don’t remember feeling this broken since super early recovery. I feel really vulnerable. I barely ever feel this fragile in recover.
Calling out in desperation for some wrap around support, kind words, suggestions, experiences, anything really. Love you all and praying for something good to come out of this. Feel totally lost and dejected.
Hang in there. Remember the pride you take in being sober. Don’t let anyone take it from you. You own that and owe it to yourself. Nothing is easy and matters of the heart hurt but hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you Tagrn I feel I majorly let myself down here and it’s hard to feel proud of anything even though I do have things to feel proud of such as my sobriety and I got into university to become a primary teacher. It’s my first year there and I’ve had a successful first semester. It’s hard to think of going back to the town where she is and being alone, but I suppose it’s one day at a time as that’s a few weeks away. I think I should start exercising because that can help me in a lot of ways. Also I feel no spiritual connection to a higher power so perhaps I need to try something there even though I feel like a total f up and that I slapped my hp in the face. Thank you for your comment.
Oh dear, I’m so sorry to hear this! Please stay sober. The hurt and all the intense feelings shall pass, not tomorrow but in a while. Hope you have some little things to comfort your wound soul? Chicken soup, hot chocolate, a silent walk in nature, loud music to dance till you’re tired, a friend to lean on their shoulder, some pets around your’s or the neighbourhood to cuddle? A good book to get lost in reading for a few hours? I pray for you and send you a biiig virtual hug
I don’t know if it matters, but: Becoming a primary teacher sounds like a valuable committment to your future to me. So I’m proud of you and congratulations to the successful semester! Regenerate, breathe deeply and then go on with your study. You’re worth it
Thank you erntedank. I do have furry buddies available, and family, and I’m home on their farm so there’s an abundance of nature. For a moment there your message just put it in perspective that this is just a break up not the end of the world (although it feels like it). Your idea of a walk made me think of meditation which I haven’t done basically for years… made me think of this because I know on a walk my mind will be spinning. Perhaps a run then meditation might give me a moment of peace. Hot chocolate does sound great, although I have a bad relationship with food that will set me off on a worse spiral, but hot chocolate is just hot chocolate, its mostly harmless!
Thank you for the kind message. Reading it actually made me feel a little better, and makes me realise perhaps if I had these things in place I could be a little stronger, today and in the future.
I’m so sorry to hear that Duncan. My heart goes out to you brother.
This is what I know: you are an intelligent and articulate guy with a kind and devoted heart. Your faith is very important to you. You are growing, and moving forward in your life; you have a strong momentum building.
This breakup is heartbreaking. I know. Let the emotions flow; cry, grieve, walk, process, share at your AA meetings, keep reaching out for support. The support and connection is what will keep you safe.
In time you will grow past this. It will be a painful time but it is not permanent.
I am so sorry to hear about this brother. Stay connected; keep reaching out; and give yourself time and space to process.
Oh, sorry, I did’t know about your food relation, sorry that I mentioned it. That helps me a lot when I’m sad: tea. lovely smelling delicious tea, best from fresh cut herbs from the garden. meditation also is great. Give yourself time. When the heartache comes in waves: breathe in - breathe out - repeat.
Thank you, Matt. I realise AA helped me develop a faith, one that I have really turned away from, which is perhaps a result of my trying to simplify my life, but it has actually complicated it… Funny that. In my almost two years on this platform I’ve revived so many kind words and messages of support from you, and I hope you don’t mind me saying but you helped me have a great success in my first semester, your suggestions helped me get the best grade out of my whole semester. Your message for me to reach out really highlighted that I did the right thing by coming here, but also that AA is there for me, and I should be apart of that. My presence there has dwindled and the consequent fragility of my sobriety is concerning. Thank you for reigniting the idea that participation in my sobriety is greatly benefited by participating in the sobriety of others. And you’re right, healing through this will take time and space that if I’m blessed to have I must also allow to happen.
God bless and hope you’re well over there in the second best country in the world
Tea works! And there’s an abundance of flavours and variety’s .
A good book like you suggested would accompany that nicely, I’m thinking I should try a fiction book, the non fiction ones get a bit real sometimes, imagination can be a good thing!
There are no words that will make you feel better right away. But please know this, you are not alone, and you will come out of this smiling one day. When I ended my relationship with my husband, I was so broken I could barely breathe or imagine a life without him in it. There were many ups and downs along the way. That made me stronger and who I am today. Each day you are one day further from the pain and one day closer to happiness
Big hugs. Breaking up sucks, and you just have to take the suckiness, until it sucks a little less. But you are your own person, and you have to focus on you, whether she is in your life or not, you have your own things going on (that are great it sounds like). Be gentle with yourself for a little while. And of course, stay sober!
Being heartbroken after a breakup is a bit like a withdrawal you didn’t choose yourself. So yeah, it sucks big time. But you are strong, you have already proven that. Numbing the feelings will only delay the necessary grieving process and therefore make it worse. Move on. And whereever this road may lead for you, one day it will all feel right again and make sense.
My sponsor told me and another guy going through a divorce this. “It’s okay to not be okay.” Feel those emotions. It will come in waves. Happy one moment and sad another. Take all the time you need to process them but keep reminding yourself of all the good you have done and are doing in your life. Time is all it takes.
Oh I am sorry to hear you are hurting. Feelings can be so intense!! They also come and go if we allow them to. Often times a distraction…reading here, taking a walk, crying, journaling…can help us move thru them for a bit. Also it is okay to feel fragile and sad. No need to drink at those feelings. This makes you human. Reaching out is such a positive thing. I hope it helped a bit. We are always here for you.
You have accomplished oh so much and ypu will continue to accomplish more! The hurt will take time, but the gift in that is that you can take the time and the pain and channel it. Channel it into a new fitness activity, or a creative work. Maybe just channel it into a morning walk! You’ve got this, just take it a day at a time and if a day is too much to think about, then take it by the hour. You’re not alone!
The spiritual part comes and goes I find. I am only 18 days sober and have had times that I questioned things. Hang in there and keep checking in! We are here for you.
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Im sorry this has happened for you… Do you want to repair the relationship? Remember, we create our own reality. Get your girl back 