Don’t give up on yourself. This addiction isn’t rational, so logic is not our only weapon. Some of what you have said is almost exactly what i have experienced. It is far better to talk about things, even if it is only in an online forum like this.
I am very new here, but I already feel that things are finally turning around for me, partly because of hearing stories like yours which fill me with empathy.
It’s not a situation of “misery loves company”; people like you and me really WANT to change. We’re not wallowing in our failure, we are being honest about how bad things are in order to CHANGE them. Please keep being brave and checking in with your fellow warriors here
Today’s reading in “24 hours a day” struck me and had me thinking about you. I used to be at war with myself, too, banging into blank walls. And I love the concept that going to an AA meeting is a spiritual act.
Wednesday, November 16 Thought for the Day
I have got rid of most of my inner conflicts. I was always at war with myself. I was doing things that I did not want to do. I was waking up in strange places and wondering how I got there. I was full of recklessness when I was drunk and full of remorse when I was sober. My life didn’t make sense. It was full of broken resolves and frustrated hopes and plans. I was getting nowhere fast. No wonder my nerves were all shot. I was bumping up against a blank wall and I was dizzy from it. A.A. taught me how to get organized and to stop fighting against myself. Have I got rid of inner conflicts? Meditation for the Day
“When two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.” The spirit of God comes upon His followers when they are all together at one time, in one place, and with one accord. When two or three consecrated souls are together at a meeting place, the spirit of God is there to help and guide them. Where any sincere group of people are together, reverently seeking the help of God, His power and His spirit are there to inspire them. Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may be in accord with the members of my group. I pray that I may feel the strength of a consecrated group.
Hi Maggie good morning. I can share some thoughts and ideas no advice giving from me. You are not doing anything wrong. I am certain of that. I feel you are being very hard on yourself please try to be kind and gentle with yourself. Alchohol was not my issue,weed/opiates was for an extended period. I don’t perceive a difference. Addiction is addiction. I have a close friend who has been AF for over 20 years,we help one another,and I feel I have gleaned some insight here as well. Do you attend meetings? This community is supportive and is a key part of my recovery but I also have two more support groups. I can’t imagine trying to walk this path alone I know for myself, I need support. How about therapy? Again speaking for myself,getting a proper psych eval has been crucial. I found out things about myself that were heretofore hidden because of my active addiction. Reading shares on this app has shown me the value of AA and the 12-steps. Even though I do something else I have picked up useful tools for my toolbox.i like the idea of having a sponsor as well. In Recovery Dharma we refer to them as mentors. Same thing. Having someone to check in with whenever the need arises is huge. You have self awareness and you want to stop. That’s a very big first step. Self love,as the Buddha taught,has been crucial for me as well. We cannot love others without first loving ourselves. Maggie you can do this. Keep coming back here. I wish you peace and freedom from suffering.
Hi Maggie - if you are sober today, that’s a good day. No matter what else is going on outside our inside you, be proud of your sobriety today. What have you done today to grow your sobriety?
I can definitely relate. I’m on day 5 this time. I do the same thing, I’m good for a few weeks then I think I’m good and I take that first drink and I’m off. I hate myself the next day for it. This last time I admitted to myself and 2 other people that I’m an addict. All we can do is try each and every day. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Id just like to thsnk everyone who has taken the time to reply ,i know i have it in me to remain sober i just was fighting against the thought of being a alcoholic i didnt want to accept it ,its been a long road ,first i spend years not wanting to acknowledge i had a problem but deep down knowing i do to yr n a half ago being so broken i needed help ,but im ashamed to say that help wasn’t accepted the way i should have ,i did i my way the wrong way and its ended with me here ,not back to step one because ive learnt alot ,i am a alcoholic it is all consuming for me not in the way of my early days when i really struggled to not pick up for month ,but now having to finally admit yeah i am powerless againt alcohol, im a pickle now lol but its not a bad thing ,ive learnt that from everyone who has managed to come out this the other side ,i have to power to remain sober if i choose, and i want it now ,im done denying the obvious, hopefully i can clean up the mess ive made and repair things with those i love and prove that i can do this first of all to myself, i know its not going to be easy but i can do this i know i can
I didn’t read all the replies yet so someone else may have already said this but admitting you’re an alcoholic is actually extremely releasing. You no longer have to carry that burden anymore. Admitting that responsible drinking is not something your capable of is liberating in a sense. You no longer have to hide it. You can blame your genes or lack of self control or whatever but putting out in the open allows you to drop the burden of hiding it. You can even say it when someone offers to have drinks. Lots of people understand, some don’t and try to tell you that you can have just a couple and be fine like everyone else, but deep down you know that’s not true. You have to admit it to yourself first though. Unfortunately alcoholics like us will never be able to drink casually or socially. It’s just not in the cards for us. That’s ok with me. I don’t need alcohol to define my life, I have never felt better after only 60 days or so sober. You’ve got this. Set that weight down.
Another thing, I used to think that admitting I was an alcoholic would make me seem weak. Now I believe there is nothing further from the truth. Admitting you have a problem and fixing that problem is f’ing hard. That’s why so many of us relapse. It’s constantly there nagging you. Admitting I’m an alcoholic is what gives me strength to not drink. As long as I can pass up the first drink I’ll be good for life. You’ve got this. We’re all rooting for you.
Sorry to hear you qre going through that. Im a male in my 20’s who at one point hated my mom. She was an alcoholic and she would turn into a person that i couldnt stand. It wasnt her that i hated its what she became when she drank. I said terrible things to her when she would be drunk. One day my dad told me that she was going to rehab and even when she was out relapsed a couple times. It wasnt easy she is now sober and admitted to me that she never wants to go down the road again because it was affecting her health. Fast forward i have now become addicted to drinking myself where she sees it and is supportive to try to help. Obviously im a grown man and have to make an initiative but some advice to you is to tell your son that you arent well at this moment and you are doing your best to get better. It took a long time for me to feel synpathy for ny mum. Now im in her shoes and admitting to yourself things need to change is the first step. Im right where you are always hating myself in the morning sweating and telling myself i will stop. Evening rolls around once i feel human again and say i will have a couple. There needs to be a disruption in your patterns. My mum found doing things like a walk or painting helped her the most. Our brains are wired to repeat things even if they are unhealthy. Keep a pack of soda water with you at night. i find drinking that instead of alcohol doesnt fill the addictive craving but somehow tricks the brain and is a good start. Good luck
First, I’d like to say welcome. I’m glad you’re here next I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. I’ve been on that roller coaster myself for many years. I’m currently 11 days sober and I’m having those feelings that I hate maybe I can have just one but in my heart, I know that it will never be just one. I haven’t told anyone that I’ve started this journey. Partly because I have been on this journey before and failed, and I’ve told people I am done drinking and using only to get right back into it but I think if I really want to be honest with myself, it’s mostly because I’m embarrassed and ashamed. Although I know I shouldn’t feel this I’m having a hard time controlling those feelings. for me even though I’m keeping this away from my family and friends, I’m driving into meetings been doing a lot of online meetings which I love and I’m going to my first and in person meeting in many years today, which I’m very nervous about but I think I need to do it if I’m totally committed. But I can told by many recovering alcoholics is find what works for you. No two people are the same so it works for one person may not work for another. I think you for sharing because your share is helping me also. My thoughts and prayers are with you and welcome again.
I’ve been off my drug of choice for ten years , got my life back in order, then met a new someone that was outta control, we both got into a different addiction together, that lasted a year, we both stopped together and he got a job, we’re back on track. Now I’m getting excuses why we should do it now n then. We try to discuss it, that’s when arguments happen. I want a life with him but do not know if I can, I’m too old n have a heart condition, maybe I should leave until he’s serious about it. Any thoughts?
Thank you for sharing it can be tough to open up and this place is definitely an amazing resource where you can generally feel safe. I’ve seen some folks break the rules but generally there’s so many veterans that step in and take care of that on here and that is always encouraging to me!
As far as people stigmatizing you for admitting you have a problem, I’ve had people do that to me to my face. It hurt at first when they gave me crap about quitting, but I realized those people really have an issue with themselves and seeing me make a choice to better myself made them uncomfortable and question themselves probably. Once I put that thought in my head that I was doing what’s best for me and my family and my life, I couldn’t care less what anyone thought of me or my choice to be sober. I knew it was what was best for me and that’s all that mattered.
I remember one day a month or two ago going to the regular lunch spot for work with some guys. It’s very close to work mind you, within walking distance. I caught a ride with a guy who drinks entirely too much on a regular basis stupidly. After an hour or so I had to go and the group was at least 5 drinks in. I was so angry because I had stuff to do and needed to get back to work. I finally got up and walked back to work despite their goading me about it. Sobriety has to be a priority in your life if you choose it. It’s not a middle of the road kind of thing. Either you choose to be sober or not. I’ll be praying for you for strength in your journey
I’m lost n do not know what to do, I’m in love with my fiance and we’re happy for the most part, we’re both addicts, and he once or twice a month he still wants to use, i do not, we talk about it and then it leads to an argument. I either gotta deal with it or leave him. Anyone have any or what I should do?
The only advice I could give is remember your recovery comes first everything else must fit in with it. If someone or something doesn’t you need to change it or get rid. I know it sounds harsh, but, anything or anyone that puts your recovery in jeopardy is toxic. Recovery is a special gift and has to be nurtured and worked at, that’s hard enough without outside influences trying to push you off what is a very narrow path.
I wish you all the best and pray you make the right choices &
You have got to protect yourself first. I’m really sorry to say this, but you cannot stay with someone that is pressurising you to use.
Your fiance should love you enough not to put you in this position. Being in a relationship with someone that still uses or wants to use again is doomed. You will never ever stay clean or away from temptation so long as this person wants it in his life.
This will be hard to hear, I’ve read how much you say you love him. He doesn’t love you back enough to let you stay free of your tormentor. With this knowledge in mind, you need to leave him.
Choose life, choose your health. Love yourself first, and protect yourself fiercely
no advice giving from me. You are not doing anything wrong. I am certain of that. I feel you are being very hard on yourself please try to be kind and gentle with yourself. Alchohol was not my issue,weed/opiates was for an extended period. I don’t perceive a difference. Addiction is addiction. I have a close friend who has been AF for over 20 years,we help one another,and I feel I have gleaned some insight here as well. Do you attend meetings? This community is supportive 
and is a key part of my recovery but I also have two more support groups. I can’t imagine trying to walk this path alone I know for myself, I need support. How about therapy? Again speaking for myself,getting a proper psych eval has been crucial. I found out things about myself that were heretofore hidden because of my active addiction. Reading shares on this app has shown me the value of AA and the 12-steps. Even though I do something else I have picked up useful tools for my toolbox.i like the idea of having a sponsor as well. In Recovery Dharma we refer to them as mentors. Same thing. Having someone to check in with whenever the need arises is huge. You have self awareness and you want to stop. That’s a very big first step. Self love,as the Buddha taught,has been crucial for me as well. We cannot love others without first loving ourselves. Maggie you can do this. Keep coming back here. I wish you peace and freedom from suffering.
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