Can I have an opinion please?

Emotional Support
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I’m new here and have a lot to say. I’m not sure if this is how it’s done… but, I feel I need people’s advice please. I’m not sure I’m right in the head.

Today I admitted to myself that I’ve had a problem with the drink heavy for the last few months and it’s been savage. But, it hasn’t stopped me. There’s a pattern with me. Twice a year around may for a month and then September/October, I smash the alcohol and sabotage my life. It’s been ongoing forever. But the other few months, I’m on a mission and create. It’s always one or the other.

When I go into these dips though, I neglect EVERYONE around me. I became quite self absorbed and ashamed. I’m rude. I ignore everyone. Then I drink and become a weirdo to my partner and act like a barbarian. I hold so much guilt.

Last night I really went to town and a beast was unleashed. I have no idea where it has come from. That’s not my temperament. But I was raging. My poor man was horrified. He didn’t deserve it. He’s perfect and our relationship is like something out of a movie. It’s the cutest thing ever.

But the last 5 weeks my mental health hit an all time low and I went suicidal. I tried hanging myself and overdosing. I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was messy and he had to deal with that too. We’ve only been together 5 months. I think I’ve ruined it.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m grieving over the loss of my mum and I feel so much guilt there. I’m angry at myself and my dad for my mums death. It was only 6 months ago.

There is a pattern though. Is it wise to go public with it? Like I’m normally out there helping others. It’s what I live for. But I’ve just let people down constantly lately.

Would this be ok on social media?

This is probably UP THERE with being one of the hardest things I think I have EVER admitted to.

The last few months I have loved every part of my life passionately. I’ve fallen in love with the kindest loving soul to ever walk this planet and I was blessed with him as my partner.

But me being me has sabotaged EVERYTHING!

You see, I’ve been an alcoholic the last few months and been ashamed of it because it’s not me and it changes me. Hence why I’ve been scatty and erratic.

I’ve lost my identity to the drink. I’ve faced consequences of my mental health falling to the lowest of point. Yet I still choose to pick the drink every time.

I have a problem and because I don’t know when to stop I’ve hurt the people I love the most because of it.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I know I’ve fucked up. I am asking for support and love though and also forgiveness. I’ve been very selfish of late.

I AM SORRY! To those who have loved me and not been loved by me.

My reasoning for airing my shit out publicly is because I need to take accountability for my actions and do something. Speak up and be real.

I struggle with life. Reality. Because I choose the bottle. I refuse to do that anymore.

It’s time to pop the bubble and get involved and stop being ashamed of who and what I am. I am an alcoholic in recovery. I promise I’ve got this and I will make good.

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Once I admitted I was an alcoholic, and started working on correcting that, I started finding my identity. Wasn’t quick, it was a long road…I drank hard for over 2 decades. 940ish days later, I am engaged, happy, and STILL working on who I am.

Who did I tell initially, those I trusted. Those I drank with. Some of them supported me, some didn’t. Those that didn’t I flushed. Those that did, I cherish.

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I believe your promise. Keep in mind that alcoholism is hurdle. What will you be doing to fulfill that promise? We are all here to help.

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I think you’ve made a really brave choice to admitt not only to yourself, but in this forum, that you’ve accepted that it is a problem for you.
Acceptance is the first step, being honest gives you a way to hold yourself accountable for your actions and choices.

It wasn’t much more than 9 months ago I tried to take my own life. I THANKFULLY failed at this attempt, and now I know how wrong I was.
I didn’t need to end my life, just that part of it.
I did the scariest thing ever, I asked for help.
But that was also the best decision I’ve ever made.

As far as social media, there’s always going to be people with something rude or negative to say, and that be really discouraging. I’d start small and talk openly with the people close to you in your life. Let them know you’re hurting, that you know you have problem, and you would like their support.

I’m rooting for you, and never be ashamed of your story because it may just help someone else one day.

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I think it’s really good that you’ve recognized the problem in your life and want to rectify it sooner rather than later. There are a lot of resources available here on TS as well as people who have experience along the same journey you’re about to take. I hope you will find what you need from this forum. You can do this. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it.

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You are very brave and I respect that.

I noticed in your post you admitted to be a alcoholic. I’m no professional but I think the bottle caused you some issues. Under the influence of the powerful alcohol will not help anything and could even be bad. Definetly put the bottle down

Your partner sounds nice :slight_smile: I think being hounest with him might help but make sure you tell him that you love your relationship with him also.if he understands it should be ok. If he doesn’t, it’s ok also because you could use some time to get some emotional strength and when the time is right you can return to eachother. Be wise.

I’m sorry to hear about your mom. How old are you? I’m curious because I don’t know the details. You don’t need to say if you don’t want to. No pressure. I truly believe there are more good people then bad so don’t be afraid to talk to a super close friend or anyone on here.

Now this is the only part I have trouble with. The suicide attempt. I attempted and my doctor’s called it a single episod of major depressive disorder. Your life is very important and I know that a lot of people really care about you. Please use care for your life. No matter what, suicide is not going to help you or anyone else. What will help you is getting better. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. Don’t be overwhelmed. Keep it simple

The beginning of fall is really tough for me. I don’t understand why but the weather and the color of the sun get to me. But it is just another fall day.

You have survived everything to get where you are right now
You can survive much much longer.

If you need to talk , I’m here as is everyone else here. Today was long. Get in some rest and when tomorrow comes, don’t feel sad.

Don’t overwhelm yourself, remember that. Tomorrow could be the most amazing day if you let it

Let’s put the past behind us ok :relieved::cat:
Let’s move forward

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Hi @JBird it’s nice to meet you! Well done on admitting that you have a problem with alcohol, that first step is a massive step. I’m sorry about your mum, it hurts so much to lose your mother…I remember the sadness well :pensive:. I’m so glad that you found us! This place is amazing and there are so many wonderful people here with fountains of knowledge and experience. Throw out any booze and consider this the beginning of your sober journey. I wrote down all of my feelings in the beginning, the alcoholic mind has a way to trick you and convince you that you don’t have a problem once you start to feel better. Be kind to yourself and take it nice and steady one step at a time. We are always here if you need to vent or if you just want someone to listen. Read on here as much as you can. Take care of yourself and welcome to the family :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Congratulations on your engagement. That’s amazing. Today I’ve been watching videos on alcohol and the mind and how it’s become so normalised we don’t release the damage it has on us.

I’ve really dug deep today and know I can and will do this. Thank you.

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I really enjoyed reading your comments. Thank you so much. I could do with all the cheerleaders possible.

To hear your story gives me hope. I know I can do it. Once I get passed the initial week. I should be set to go. It’s just having that will power. I wrote all the cons and pros today. Something I’ve never done. Definitely opened my eyes.

Virtual high five for going strong.

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I really needed to read this. I am mortified at my actions and so scared I’ve lost someone so amazing because of my behaviour.

I’m scared that if he doesn’t take me back I’ll have an excuse to drink. I know I’ll try my hardest to fight it. But I feel so lost not knowing what’s next

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Really appreciate the motivation. Thank you :pray:

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Thank you for your kind words and support. I’m 34 years of age and mentally backwards. I might take you up on that offer to talk one day. My head is mashed today

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Please do :slight_smile: I’m a chatty Cathy so I’m always down for a talk

Make good choices today for you. The good choices can build self confidence :slight_smile:

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It took me going to detox to get through the first week, something I failed at countless times before. Something was different this time around - I wanted it for ME.
Im always here to cheer on my brothers and sisters in recovery. One thing that really helped me was thought-stopping when I would get a craving, and meditation. Whenever I get that “feeling” I use meditation to bring me back down to level ground.
It might not work for everyone but it can’t hurt to try!
The thing is, when you stop using/drinking - the reasons you chose to cope that way will still be there. You have to find healthy ways to cope to give yourself a running chance! I have faith in you though , it sounds like you’re already heading in the right direction. I’m proud of you. Virtual high five right back at ya friend :grin:

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Welcome to TS! Long winded posts are fine here! Sorry for loss of your Mum. My two cents? Hit a meeting, assemble your sober tool box. Maybe visit an old hobby or start a new one. As others have said there’s a TON of resources on this site. Use them to your advantage. We are ALL here for you for support. You did the hard part by coming here and admitting you have a problem that took courage. Your new life begins today! You CAN do this! I want to wish you continued luck on your journey.

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