Can I really do this?

Hi everyone.
I have been wrestling with sexual addiction for some time now.
I am a 40-year-old female.
I’m single.
I’m a mom.
I haven’t had sex in over 8 years.
I now have 21 days free from masturbation.
But I would love to know if this is really a sexual addiction or something else.
I have read about something called “persistent genital arousal disorder.”
That is what it feels like. It seems abnormal for a woman.
There’s always been jokes about men getting horny “every time the wind blows.”
But I feel like that’s me.
For a while, I gave up & just resigned myself to the reality that needed to “take care of myself” daily or every other day to feel semi-“normal.”
But in the long run, that makes things worse because it makes the urges stronger when they do come back.
I have noticed in the past that if I just push through that initial difficult period, once I get to about a month & a half, the urges begin to subside & I don’t think about sex nearly as much.
It’s just very overwhelming & I feel like everyone around me can tell I have this problem. Probably not entirely accurate, but that’s how I feel.

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My wife had had something similar to you as well. When we moved in with each other, she opened up to me about it and I helped her overcome it. I just wanted to let you know that there is no shame in what you’re going through and I commend you for reaching out on here. You’ll get a few responses soon enough for I know a lot of people here can relate. Stay strong and do what you need to do to overcome this.

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I can absolutely relate to this. I just divorced a guy 20 years younger than me. I’m positive I married him for the sex because he was a nasty, physically, and emotionally abusive monster. The sex was so good that I was willing to put up with it. My dumbass didn’t leave him until he stopped “putting out”. Since the split I’ve been obsessed and definitely a wind blows type of gal. I talked to my therapist about it because t made me angry. When I was drinking I just went out on dates and did my thing, but I don’t do that in sobriety. It was really unsafe to be honest. I’m got this way in my 40’s, they say that’s when women are in their prime. Not sure how old you are. However, with my ex I was completely insatiable. It was crazy. I do get preoccupied with it quite a bit, but not to a point where I would think it’s problematic. I just consider myself a very sexual person. Is there a reason you cut out masturbation? Was it interfering with your life? Or did you just think it was wrong?

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I can empathize with you on this. For the longest time, I believed that self-touch was just in my nature. I had use it as a self-soothing tool since I was 10 years old. I’ve now been 66 days free from it and I can now see that it is just that… a self-soothing tool to cope with whatever I was avoiding within myself. Are you currently working with a CSAT or attending SAA?

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Thank you! What helped with your wife, if you don’t mind me asking?

I am 40 years old. I didn’t know that was considered my prime LOL :laughing: I’m trying to quit masturbation because it makes me want the “real thing” more & increases my already out-of-control sex drive. Yes, it interferes with my life because I will want to do it every time I am alone, like when my daughter is with her dad or friends, and it can even be in the middle of the day, so it interferes with me getting stuff done. Also, I usually watch porn when I do it, which is really a disgusting industry in my opinion, especially since some of the women are being sex trafficked & raped. And yes, I do believe it is a sin, since I am a born-again Christian.

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That’s great that you have gone 66 days- congratulations! I am in therapy, but my therapist is only available once a month. I think there has been an increase in need because of COVID. I started because I wanted to deal with some things that happened in my past, like childhood sexual abuse & domestic violence as an adult. In the first session my therapist told me that sometimes, childhood sexual abuse can contribute to my sexual issues, which I already knew. I just couldn’t talk about it yet, though. I had this problem when I tried to work on it when I was 19. I was having nightmares & crying & screaming in my sleep. I want to work on it, but it’s really hard.

I totally get it… there are some EXCELLENT intensives to work through some of that trauma to help you address your sex addiction. How it was explained to me is that you can’t really make progress until you’ve addressed the core which more than often is a result of that childhood trauma. It was the greatest gift that I could have ever given myself. I’ve got the names of a few amazing folks, if you’re interested in exploring that!

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I supported her and we talked about it. She was a lonely woman before I met her and we sort of met each other by chance. I believe that me going through my own sobriety showed her these things can be done. We kept one another busy by focusing on improving our selves. She changed for the better so much and it just amazes me. That in turn motivated me to work on myself even more.

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Therapy helped her as well. Very, very much. She was sexually abused as a child and in her past relationships as well you see.

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Hello @GoodFight3! Thank you for opening up and sharing. You’re definitely not alone with this. I’m 36 and been more or less addicted to pmo since teenage years. That’s a long time… I have weekly therapy which has been very helpful. If you can’t get that intensive, I recommend checking out SLAA (sex & love addicts anonymous) online and in your country. I know people who have found SLAA very helpful.

Here’s their 40 questions to help you determine where you’re at with your addiction. They say that if you answer “yes” to 10 questions or more, you probably should consider getting help.

https://slaafws.org/40-questions/

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I stand with the statement.

:fist:t3:

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If you have any tips, ( pun not intended) let me know, i cant seem to stop its getting so bad, im a recovering drug addict and it seems as i stop one, i chase another. All i can say is, 1 step at a time, but i cant say anything as im in the same position. .thanks

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Yes, that would be great! Thank you so much!

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Thank you so much! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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Ah, I see. Well, you’re certainly not alone here. Lots of support. Glad you found a safe place to open up about it :heart:

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