Ive been trying to stop for ages. I’ve been going to AA which helps enormously.
However I can’t seem to go more than five days without seriously busting yet again. Each time I feel awful. My wife is at her end as I’m staying out in the city and not making it home
I’m so over it.
Any advice welcome
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Hi Paul. I get it. A lot of us get it. What I have found out is one has to be ready to quit. Are you?
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Paul? Are you ok?
Definitely ready to quit. I wasn’t last year.
I’m ok. I’m very upset as I’ve let everyone down again. It was a good 12 hour session and woke up with no wallet (somebody thankfully tracked me down and returned it to me)
Im upset bc I really thought I was doing well
Keep trying! 5 days is an accomplishment. Do you notice any patterns in your behaviour before you break? Indentifying triggers is very important as well as making sure you are in safe spaces to help encourage your sobriety. Maybe try planning some exercise or seeing a safe person on your 5th day if you know that day will be hard for you. Being prepared will make it a bit easier. I believe you can do this. Good luck.
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I know how that feels. I was ready to quit so many times. Quitting wasn’t my problem. Quitting was easy for me.
My problem was I didn’t understand that quitting is only 20%. The other 80% for me was willingness. Was I willing to do whatever it took to get better, no matter what? Was I willing to follow a process beginning to end instead of trying to do it my way? Was I willing to put my sobriety before everything and anything else – family, friends, work? After all, without sobriety, I’ll lose it all anyway.
I got better only after I could honestly answer yes to all three.
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@Soberpaul, read the above again.
Saves me saying the same thing.
Why can’t you get past 5 days. Do you know? Have you looked to see why?
Usually it’s the old " hey well done, 5 days is cool, let’s celebrate!"
We’ve all been there.
You just have to really remember why you have made the decision. Write it down. So you can reread it when you need it.
It should be part of your sober toolbox.
Search sober toolbox on here.
It’s hard work, but worth it
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I don’t know for sure. One thing I do know is that I’m very disappointed, remorseful, angry day 1. Then I feel I can do it again. Then I get back into life’s routines and I suppose get complacent.
So ther you go buddy. Lesson one. Don’t get complacent!
Sobriety is first and foremost in your head for a while. Or should be.
The first thing on my mind in the morning is I’m sober. The last thing at night is I’m sober. And several points in-between as well.
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And it makes you smile as your head hits that pillow at night and you think “I did it! Another day sober!” So much better than thinking " Damn, I’m going to feel like shit again tomorrow morning".
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It certainly is!
Are you ready for some tough love? Read that topic!
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“Was I willing to follow a process beginning to end instead of trying to do it my way?”
This is where I am at right now. I am just realizing how important it is to submit. For so long I’ve been living in my own world that the (I now recognize as) basic practice of humbly submitting to a practice, taught & mentored by others, and being obedient to the practice - I have to do that.
I am practicing that now. It is unfamiliar and, as my recovery book notes, at this point you have to take it on faith that others know better than you how to live life. For the moment I have to trust that my group members and facilitator know better than me. I have to really listen. I have to put in the effort to stay on top of my responsibilities, submit my accountabilities without saying “it doesn’t really matter, I can do this later”.
It is a new feeling for me. I like it though. I feel clear.
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