Anyone have advice for me? I have a Lotta resentment at my siblings, because I’m the only one taking care of a parent. I’m definitely not going to use. Not even tempted…. that would only make things 10 times worse. But I am really really struggling with it.
Oh, don’t even get me going.
Both my parents had Alzheimer’s and it tore me and my sister apart. It was a fucking nightmare. I lived long distance and helped financially and she lived 20-30 minutes away and never did shit. It just tore us apart. Our hospice person. God bless their hearts. Told me this is pretty normal. Well maybe not normal. But caring for our elders, or lack thereof, does tear families apart. Fair enough she had 3 kids. God how many times did I hear that. We went almost 2 years, seemed like twenty, not talking to each other. She fucking cut me out! I think I realized she was a bit narcissistic and was gaslighting me. And her husband is useless. And knowing there’s no cure for that I just had to accept that fact.
Advice. I got nothing.
Dad died first.
And after mom died my sister apologized to me. We are still distant, because we live miles away from each other. But we talk now. But we aren’t too close. But close enough.
Being in recovery I finally apologized for my role in it. Just recently. So we are healing.
I took care of my parents long distance financially and the best I could, flying up there almost monthly. And I have no regrets on how I know I did my best to take care of my parents in an impossible situation.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I held onto a lot of resentments towards my 4 siblings when I cared for a parent. It was consuming my thoughts more than I cared to admit and affected my happiness on a daily basis. They had busy lives (and so did I) but nothing I said would change their minds. According to my siblings, I was in the best situation to care for our parent. Of course I didn’t agree because I had a disabled child to care for at the same time and a full time job to support my family. I don’t know what recovery path you’re on, but what helped me was doing a 4th step. In the end, I had to accept the fact that I have no control over others actions, thoughts or beliefs. Acceptance was key for me.
Wishing you the best!
It is really a tough spot to be in. I am currently in it. I also feel resentments. I do try to redirect it into being grateful that I get the opprotunity to spend more time with my Mom. I also believe in karma and things being full circle. So the care and understanding I put out i believe will eventually circle back in some form. My sister and I tag team it, so I am lucky. But I also kind of take care of my sister so it is confusing…It is brutal though, and one of the most challenging things I have had to navigate so far. It is one day at a time. One task at a time.
Thank you, everyone! I love my sober community. Just hearing that other people have gone through similar things made me feel better already. I got frustrated and it was a weak moment.
You know, I am reminded of what my good friend said. I think I have a tough…… he came to this country from Guatemala when he was 15 and made a good life for himself doing construction. He has dual citizenship. But he had to go back there to take care of his mother. Sold everything… and he gets no help from his siblings. Just headaches like me. I asked him how he handles it so well. He said, he is blessed, and why share those blessings. So what I do is reverse those feelings of being burdened, and feel blessed. And I am, because I swear, one day I will come on here and say that I no longer have to take care of my dad. And I wish I would get all those phone calls and have to take him to all those appointments and do all those things all over again. But thank you all again, when we come on here with our problems what happens is we share them. And a problem shared is a smaller problem. Best wishes everyone!
Have you asked your siblings to help?
What a beautiful way of reframing, I am so glad you have found some peace in the situation.
I have been reading but haven’t commented so far as this situation isn’t mine yet. Family dynamics are one of the strangest things in existence, and I will never fully understand why some people opt out while others do all the work. I think this will be me in the future, just because of how our family has played out so far. My siblings are wonderful, but have moved away and I have always taken on a bit more responsibility for the day to day (making sure they have people on their birthday, at Xmas etc.) I am at peace with it now, but if it does play out this way can imagine being very frustrated when I am doing the brunt of it in future.
Sorry, rambling there, like I said family dynamics are weird so I have gone off on one Please do come here if you need to share. I promise I won’t make it all about me!
Yup, and they constantly back out at the last second. It is interesting because my therapist said I need to put my foot down and hold my ground. But these are for things like medical appointments and picking up medication and stuff. I understand what she’s saying, but I have to put my father’s health and safety first….
I thank you so much, you sharing your experience actually helped me and made me feel better. Remember, the idea about considering it a blessing was not mine, but my friend in Guatemala. I wish I could take credit for it. Lol.