I am day 4 (and I have been here many times before 
). I am always amazed how different my face looks not drinking. It’s like I don’t actually recognise myself. My nose looks different as my face loses all its puffiness. My eyes are clear and bright and I look focused. God knows what unseen damage goes on inside our bodies/ though as a nurse I’m pretty up on that 
I feel fresher, no regrets, no shame, no self hatred. So always wonder with all the positives what sucks me back down the hole. I really hope this time it will stick 
17 Likes
Good luck !
2 Likes
Our “disease” is " cunning, baffling and powerful"
Usually it starts with the slow creeping thought that " hey, you’ve been clean now for 4 days. Things aren’t that bad! Surely you can have a drink?"
You as a person might conciously be looking in the mirror and thinking “wow!”
Subconsciously, your addict mind is " oh no you won’t do this"
All you have to do is be aware of this and stay focused. Just keep saying no.
From very early in my journey, I started to tell myself that I don’t drink anymore. And that is now who I am.
I just don’t drink. I don’t miss it!! I don’t miss how it made me feel, what it made me do.
But it’s still there, the cunning, baffling, powerful addict is still there, trying to get through.
I just don’t let it.
The more you train your brain to think differently the easier it gets to stay sober. How you do that training is down to the individual to work out.
14 Likes
Well said from you
1 Like
Thanks @KenB.
My journey has not been easy but the one thing that I set my mind on when I first started was that I was not going to let it win this time!
The easiest thing to do it revert back to old ways.
The basic fact of not drinking is simple. But unfortunately the fight is hard one. Because your addiction has a powerful force behind it.
It can trick you so easily.
And before you know it, you have a bottle in your hand.
People come up with all the reasons under the sun as to how it got there.
But the basic fact is you lost focus. You let it in!!
Welcome to the forum my friend. If you listen to what people on here are saying, if you keep an open mind to try anything and if you tell your ego to do one, life will get better.
7 Likes
Thanks. I had 5 years a long time ago. Been out for a while now. Woke up this morning and just finally had enough of it all !
4 Likes
Good for you Ken. You have the knowledge of how it feels then. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you start again. I’m not being judgemental, I’m just curious.
Ahh no real reason just wanted to cause the THOUGHT of it was fun and it was for a while . Now I see it getting out of control and want to stop the train wreck before it happens.
1 Like
I had 15 years at one point, now I’m at 22 days, but I’m not giving up. For the first time, I’m really surrendering and doing those things I’ve always resisted - regular meetings, daily perusing of these threads, reading every day and most importantly, got a sponsor with 30+ yrs of sobriety who will kick my butt!
3 Likes
That’s how I went back last time. And it IS fun for a while!!! I can’t ignore the fact I’ve had some great fun times drinking. And that’s the problem. It’s not always bad. But when it is bad it’s bad bad
1 Like
I agree completely. A lot of the drugs I took were also muscle relaxants so my eyes did that droopy junkie look all the time. After I stopped drinking and using drugs, I started to look much healthier.
I’m also a pretty heavy smoker and I found that when I lay off the cigarettes as much, I look healthier still and the dark under my eyes effs off! I’m definitely struggling on this part but I put it down to not trying hard enough. That’s just me though.