I dont know about that. Im rethinking my goals add im not getting any younger. The doctor was shocked my tendon went before my muscle did. He said that my muscles have grown faster than my tendon, which normally happens when someone uses hgh, test, steroids. He asked me if I had used. I laughed and told him never, which is the honest truth. He just stared at me. My wife had to literally vouch for me. Plus, my last employer spent the money on one of the tests because they thought I was using. Came back clean. I told my last boss that hard work in the gym is just as good.
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Sweet digits
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This is tough! Don’t let it get you down. You’ll get back to where you were.
Still on day 2, feeling much better as day has gone on,multi vits,shilajit, some food,a good half hour phonecall with a friend who works at a rehab,going to meeting tomorrow with her,which I should of done last Friday,but today is today, gotta keep weighing up the fast spiral down and mental health consequences,…
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Definitely get back to meetings. They help. Sorry you are struggling. Hang in there and keep trying!!!
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)
Hell yeah 
Awesome number…you 
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I agree a group would be a good idea for you. This battle is too hard to fight alone. Don’t give up!
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30 days.
Rough night last night. My subconscious must be doing some acrobatics. I had a relapse dream which was a little agitating but not uncommon. Then I had a dream about my alcoholic grandfather who passed away 4 years ago. I almost never dream like this. It was incredibly vivid: I was in his home and he shuffled into the hallway and was clearly intoxicated. He said something like, “I could never escape from the evil of drink” but he was slurring badly. Then he shuffled away.
I was very resentful to him and I didn’t show him much kindness in the years after my grandmother passed away from diabetes complications. I didn’t feel much as his funeral. He was an unapologetic drunk and he was in an ongoing affair for years while she deteriorated. He made her life hell and she ate herself to death. He made life for his kids hell too. There’s so much dysfunction there. However, he did try to have a relationship with me when I was young. He took me fishing and shooting and took a lot of photographs along the way. It was evudent that he did care. Then things became strained when his kids gave a half hearted attempt at an intervention. Things got worse from there.
I can see now how judgemental I was and how I was engaging in adulterous behaviors and betraying my vows to my wife too. I had no right to be casting stones. I can see I have some amends to make there. Feeling a bit of regret that I didn’t wake up sooner.
Approaching my first 9th step tomorrow. I feel like I can point to more progress in the past month than I felt in the first year of working my own program. There’s many valleys to cross yet, but I’ve felt a lot less struggle and I see myself getting more efficient in small increments. I also want to do the spiritual rituals that I used to tell myself I’d never need.
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Checking in on Day 198. Made the mistake of coming in to work this morning. Oh well. The upside to the day is adding Guns N’ Roses to my 2020 concert calendar. Still in disbelief that they’re stopping in Indiana, since Axl seems to hate his home state so much. Whatever, I’ll take it. Looks like my whole band is going, so that’s going to be a good time.
Ready for the weekend. Ready to relax and fight off whatever this stupid sickness is.
Have a strong day!!!
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Nice, they’re stopping off here, too. Fenway Park. Shit venue for sound quality, but the novelty of it is interesting.
G’n’R aren’t my cup of tea, but I don’t dislike them. However they are my girlfriend’s favorite band, and I’d imagine it’d be a fun concert even if they don’t make my list. A legendary band, regardless.
I am planning on surprising her with tickets to that. Either that, or Aerosmith (her 2nd favorite band) when they come. She’s seen GNR before, but never Aerosmith, so leaning towards the latter.
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GNR are definitely in my Top 5. Enough of a fan to be in a tribute band to them. Hahahaha. I’d be stoked to see Aerosmith too, though! This is going to be my first concert at Lucas Oil, but from what I’ve heard, concerts aren’t too horrible. I think they learned from the mistakes made at Banker’s Life Stadium (where our Pacers play).
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Day 29. I feel okay. I guess. I’ve had some cravings today. My mind said: maybe just 1 or 2?
I hate this. I don’t wan’t to go back to drinking.
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Any opening bands for the shows?
I would see GnR over Aerosmith.
I think Aerosmith is too old to pull it off anymore. I probably just started a riot.
I haven’t looked into it, but I don’t think so. Last time I saw a “big name” performer (Billy Joel) at Fenway, there was no opener. That was about 2.5 years ago. I doubt he ever has an opener though. Dude just plays for like 3+ hours.
However bout 10 years ago or so I did see Paul McCartney there, and he did have an opener…MGMT, which was a very strange choice, if you ask me.
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Happy Birthday Thomas!! Enjoy your day! I’ll have cake in your honor (like I need an excuse). 
super smashing great. propa pleased for you. You’ve come along way. Well 180 days actually bc that’s what it says
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