Checking in on Day 65. Nothing new going on, just rolling through one day at a time.
Have a strong day!!!
Have a strong day!!!
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Girlfriend?
Wooo!
Did I miss something? Did you find a new GF?
Or is this the same girl, C, that you broke up with before?
Enquiring minds want to know. 
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Lolol.
Well, I have been single the last few months. After the deaths of my ex and close friend I went into a shame spiral. My best friend Jenn, who I am dating now was really there for me. We have been friends for 14 years. We have seen one another thru the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. A month or so back, we had a conversation about what we both wanted out of life, the trajectory ect. As the conversation continued she asked me “Silas, why aren’t we together?” To which my only response was " idk, I love you. You’re my best friend. We should be" and it’s been ever since. (Condensed version) lolol
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OMG, OMG, OMG!
It’s amazing how quickly life can change.
Jenn, seems like a great woman. Blessings to you both.
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So glad he is home.
Thank you so very much.
It honestly means the world to me
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Hey everyone.
I’m checking in at day 191.
Not craving today. Hard to believe.
I was exhausted yesterday, but I did some goods things to make the day count. Read the Bible, called another member of CR, called my wife from work. It all helps.
Have a great sober Thursday!
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Oh my god, you must of been so worried! I’m really glad he’s home safe and sound…bless him 
glad you had a happy ending to that drama 
x
Day 360!!! 5 days away from a year. I realized it yesterday and almost started crying lol
Stay strong everyone! 
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Awesome job on 6 months 
Niiice
I already don’t miss smoking. The only reason it occured to me is because some one walked by smoking and I thought to myself “that smells aweful” lolol
It really is. Last year I stayed with my step dad for a few weeks and he was a multiple pack a day smoker. Hearing him cough every morning was very worrysome. So I totally get it.
Additionally, just in this first week, I can smell things a tad bit better than I once was able to.
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Day 332
I feel good today. Light hearted. Optimistic.
Been an emotional few days.
Yesterday, I started my day kinda shell-shocked from a conversation I had with my wife. Then, around noon yesterday, my doctor called to let me know that I’m sterile.
(which is the worst possible news, coming off of that conversation with my wife) I was just gutted.
So, I left work early and went to A 3PM AA meeting.
It was a new meeting for me, so I didn’t know who or what I was walking into. Luckily, it was fantastic. It was the meeting I’ve been looking for, for 11 months.
I raised my hand for the “burning desire” and shared my situation until I couldn’t speak -because I was on the verve of crying.
Immediately after the prayer, the room enveloped me with long loving hugs and handshakes and encouraging words. I burst into tears immediately. It was this amazing “Mom” that got me first. Then all the men, many of whom had “been there and got through it”, I was so moved I could barely say my phone number.
When I pulled myself together, everyone was gone.
I stepped outside of the church and found no less than 20 people were all sitting around talking and laughing. It was obviously their routine. These were the regulars and they were all like one big AA tribe. It was clear they loved eachother.
Instead of running away (like usual) I decided to sit with them. Within 5 minutes, we were all chopping it up and making eachother laugh. All of the fear, sadness, and malaise that I brought to the meeting was gone. Between the crying, giving and laughing, I felt better than I’ve felt in weeks and it’s carried over into today! The only reason I didn’t join them all for dinner was because I had to get to my first IOP appointment. I will be back in that meeting the first chance I get and it’ll probably be my new home group.
IOP Day 1 was pretty great too. I’m actually excited to go back. So far, everyone there has been really cool and welcoming. The program looks fairly rigorous and constructive, so it should be a game changer.
Overall, I’m optimistic today.
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Christ, man. That’s my worst nightmare. Glad you found him! Must’ve been an awful few days for you of worrying.
I’m not so sure mine would last that long in the wild, they’re little and they love their comforts. Pure house dogs. But i do think if they ever got out, they’d stick together like the buddy system. Gah I don’t even like thinking about it, though. Don’t know what I’d do with myself.
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Still in the beginning of fall so enough daylight I guess. I think 12 houres, I don’t know for sure. But we have a rainy grey climat in fall and winter. At least in my opinion. I start to get depressive when autumn starts. The light and vitamin D helps me.
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Day 17
Feeling weird. I work at a Public Health Service in Amsterdam, and I work so now and than with people who are addicted to opiates. The service has now a few workers on the payrol who have experience with addiction and they use their knowledge to help the clients. In the US they call it peer supported help, I think. They do a great job, for the first time their clients feel like a human being, because finally someone is interested in their lives, don’t look away and together they undertake trips to museums, the woods or whatever so they can tell who they were, who they are now and who they want to be. It’s awesome and they really make a difference in the lives of the clients. I wrote a speech for the managing director of this organization, and asked her to include those peers in her speech. Made some pictures and tried to make it a powerful, genuine story. Next monday, she’s going to perform for an audience of 60 people and I’m nervous, but I’ m happy she trusts me, although we hardly know eachother.
Point is, in my profession its a me - they situation. And that’s not true, I’m also one of them. Or not. It’s something that I chew on lately and it gets me confused. Do I have to tell someone at work, or not? Who can I trust? What are the consequences etc? If I dont say anything, I feel like a fraud, because I’m an addict too, right?
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Ahh Cade. Mate. All I can say is you have just made me cry dude! Seriously so pleased for you. I know things haven’t been great for you lately and this has just made me so pleased for you.
It’s made me think about stepping up my meetings. Maybe try a day time one.
All the best to you my friend.
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Day 88. New to the online community here. I’m doing a lot of things differently instead of trying to white knuckle my way through sobriety. I’ve incorporated journaling (3+ things I’m grateful for each day), guided mindfulness meditations, and meetings. Feeling good!
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