Checking in daily to help maintain focus


#22844

Checking in day 37…

OK… I’m going to try to make s very long story short. My 22 year old daughter is in a very emotionally abusive relationship, where this person is her puppermaster. She is otherwise extremely strong capable, intelligent, and independent. Amongst other things, she’s just amazing. However, on Sunday, she posted a public rant on Facebook about how she is cutting me out of her life completely. She completely embellished on details and it was a strict attention move that hurts me both personally and professionally.

Embellishment 1. I threatened to throw out everything she owns. Truth: I gave her two months to get her stuff over to her boyfriend’s or her storage unit as we were closing on June 29th, final walk through Thursday June 28th. She tells me she can’t do it until Tuesday June 26th. Fine, we moved stuff around to make this last minute attempt work. Tried getting s hold of her all day, finally, on Tuesday evening she tells me she can’t do it because her boyfriend doesn’t “feel like it” so we need to do it another day. There is no other day!!! I said if she does not come by, we will have no choice but to put the furniture (which is all mine by the way) up for free to get rid of it. She then threatened to call the cops .Ok… it’s MY stuff though, so?? She also went on to say Fuck you, you are dead to me. Anyway, because I’m such s sucker for this kid, my husband and I pulled an all nighter to put the stuff in her storage unit by ourselves. She knows this because she had to give us the gate code and combo to the unit.

Embellishment #2. I threatened to put her dog in a shelter. Truth: well I don’t even know where this once came from??? I have been fos6her dog for over a year, I’m only allowed to have 2 animals at my new place, so I told her she needed to take her dog (her boyfriend won’t let her have it at his place) or find her a temporary foster home until she has her own place which she’s been talking about. My hands were tied, I was not going to give up one of my pets for this.

Embellishment #3. She thanked her boyfriend for a place to rest her head while she’s displaced. Truth: She’s paying his rent and acting as his chauffer because the jackass has no job! I got her a room at my apartment and begged her to come back home. She just doesn’t like where I live because it’s too far away from her boyfriend. So she refuses to live here.

A few family members went on to defend me and she further went on to claim physical and mental abuse. I have never, EVER put my hands on that child or done anything other than build her up. I have no idea where this is coming from. I was not perfect, I drank her whole life. She also accused me of being an alcoholic for as far back as she can remember. That part is true and I own that. These are all very serious accusations and right now I don’t know if I can forgive this.

The truth is that she has been horrifically mean to me and a bully for years. and I want her to live me back so badly I allow it. I have now created this mean, and entitled monster. I can’t go into all because this would turn into a novel.

However, I revolved my life around this child. When she was little I worked 2 jobs and took 21 credits a semester as a dual enrolled computer and electrical engineering student. I was a single mom and worked my ass off to give her stuff that the other kids with Daddy’s had. I loved every second of her childhood and there are nothing but beautiful memories. I don’t know where this anger is coming from. It’s literally only when she’s with this guy. Otherwise we love each and live spending time together. A month ago she was literally attached to my hip.

I love this kid more than anything. The love you have for children is so different than any other kind of love. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. She’s cursing at me, calling me names, being extremely cruel. I just want my baby back. She was my reason for everything for so long. I don’t have the words to Express how much this hurts. It’s like I can’t breathe.

I babbled enough. Hope it makes sense. This is the short version of what’s going on. My 2 biggest fears are that she believes her own lies. And that the people reading these posts believe it. My 12 year old is confused as hell. She’s furious with her sister because of this. I don’t want this to ruin what they have either. But truth be told. The 22 year old can be horrible to the little one. There is a meanness there that I don’t understand.

ETA: But I’m making it through SOBER! As of now, there has been no desire to drink. If it crosses my mind, it’s easily pushed back out. It would make this so much worse.


#22846

Ugh. When I was a teen, I had this older nascissitic and insanely controlling boyfriend. Like, he literally had someone “watching” me while he went to work. It was my first round of that so I had no idea what was going on and I, in turn ended up with a lot of his attitude for a bit until I was strong enough to ditch him. I have no idea how my mother didn’t kill me when I was a teenager! I’m so sorry you are going thru this. My son is now the same age I was when I was unruly and no one can get under your skin like they can. But hang on, because one day she’ll see the light and when she does she is really going to need you!


#22847

I agree, she needs me now but the venom :sob:
At her age I was so different. I never disrespected my parents to this extent. Albeit I was a horrible teenager. At 22 I had already moved to Florida after a stint in rehab there and stayed sober almost 3 years :slight_smile:

I miss her so much and it’s not even a while week since I’ve seen her. I hope she gets strong enough to ditch him soon.


#22848

I read the book ‘Codependent No More’ by Melody Beattie. I remember there being a story in there almost exactly matching yours. The solution was in there too somewhere.


#22849

Ahhh. Had a dream last night that I went to Vegas on business and drank while I was there. (In the dream) I was so angry and disappointed in myself. I was worried how my sponsor would react and was embarrassed I would need to reset the app and explain to all of you what happened.

Great thing it was just a dream. It’s awesome how bad I felt about drinking and the consequences that followed! Means I’ve come a long way in a positive direction. I know these dreams are normal. It’s a great reminder that I’m doing the right thing. You all are having a positive affect on me :slight_smile:


#22850

Checking in day 7 on a 4th of July …
I started this sobriety journey 40 days ago and I went to my sons graduation : sober
A concert with girlfriends : sober
I spent 2 weeks feeling horrible … shaking and with nightmares every single night about drinking. Fighting my self no to … traying to convince me it wasn’t good for me.
On day 14 I went to the beach with my family like a regular Sunday and I had this magical tough : ok , maybe I exaggerated … and I can have a few drinks … I forgot all the pain , all the shame everything that alcohol brings in my life.
I felt horrible and started over next day. Then we went on a cruise … and yes I drank but something has change Inside of me. I don’t enjoyed , I can’t just let loose as I used to , I know now there’s something better , I know I’m running away from my feelings and in every sip I’m burying my self … So I really can’t say that everything I did was lost. I learn a lot I need tk work on my self harder to remain sober. That little voice inside my self it’s always going to be there telling me it’s ok to have one … but that’s not what I want anymore. I want a clean sober life for once and all.
So 4th of July here I go and it’s going to be a good one. Sorry for my broken English …


#22851

Day 24! I’m taking this day to declare my independence from addictive behavior.
No taxation without representation I say!!
Already put 25 miles on my bike today before most people have ‘come to’ in this town. I listened to a talk last night titled “Do this one thing to live blissfully”. Essentially he said remember that you are mortal; one day you will not wake up. If you keep that in your mind you will not have time to do all the things that make you miserable. You will be conscious that you may not make it to tomorrow and right now you need to live.
I pondered that on my ride and came up with questions and answers. How do I live in the moment without thinking about the future? How do I just not act self destructive if I may not wake up tomorrow.
My answer was: If I live my life right and treat myself well, I can live in today knowing that IF I wake up tomorrow I will not regret my yesterday. So live my best life, one day at a time! Here goes!


#22852

Day 31. Gonna hit the gym, and continue my Aliens marathon. Keep your head up!

Have a strong day!!!


#22853

I’m going to download it on my kindle :slight_smile:
Thank you!


#22854

My therapist suggested I read it and it changed my life. I hope it gives you some insight. My :heart:️ goes out to you.


#22855

Day 25.
There is a lot of things swimming around in my head and I feel like things in my life are wilting. This is the first time in a long time that I feel like my anxiety and especially my depression are getting the better of me. I’ve been sick for a few days and unable to exercise like normal, so maybe my brain chemicals are just out of whack, I don’t know. In retrospect, this has been a steady decline over the past few weeks. I just haven’t felt like myself. Among other things, I primarily feel my relationship is suffering from it. My depression manifests mostly through intentionally isolating myself and being irritable.

I know this message is in contrast to my general attempts to be positive, and I apologize. I really do make conscious efforts to look at the bright side. I can say with certainty that these feelings won’t cause me to slip. That’s a fact. I’m just having a difficult go at it recently and can’t be quiet about it anymore. Recently I have been hurting and don’t really know what to do about it other than keep trying to ride it out.


#22856

73: has my first drinking dream! I don’t remember the details, but I woke up in the middle of the night knowing it was a dream.

But I pushed my luck and in trying to get 8 hours of sleep I had the worst dream about my kid. Ugh. :pensive::broken_heart:

Both of these are from the rough day yesterday and I’m afraid there are some boundaries that need to be set with my husband that he’s not going to agree to which will land my in a pickle. Ugh x a million


#22857

Hugs, my friend.


#22859

Thank you for sharing! I too struggle with bouts of depression. On top of that, I would shame myself for not being positive, for feeling sad. There must be something wrong with me, I’m usually so happy! So I added shame on top of my depression and it made it double hard to get out. Finally I learned that there are going to be times when I am sad and times when I’m happy but that’s completely normal, there’s nothing wrong with me. I just have feelings that I have no real experience dealing with and I’m doing what I know. Once I understood and believed that, the negative feelings don’t last nearly as long. Hope you feel better soon.


#22860

Day 202 :slight_smile: I dont check in daily but always have all of you in mind and especially how much this forum helped when I most needed it :kissing_heart: hope all of you have a nice sober day :wink::hugs:


#22861

Day 135

Happy 4th of July everyone! I just got home from a walk outside; it’s pretty much a sauna out there!


#22862

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it at all. It may take some time for her to see how she’s being manipulated, and one of the steps abusers take is cutting off their victims from friends and family, so it sounds like that’s what the puppet master is trying to achieve here.

Show her the strength you want for her by being strong in your boundaries. Tell her you’re always there for her if she needs you, but she cannot treat you with toxic behavior, it will not be tolerated.

If you have the ability to, I suggest a spa day in your near future. Pamper yourself with healthy treats, like a good massage, or walking somewhere beautiful where you can clear your mind. Maybe offer to go to a counselor with her when you feel the time is right, so you two can work through the things she’s saying? Right now focus on you though.


#22863

Checking in day 64! Such an inspiring creative writing day at home, listening to music :blossom: this time last year I would have drank all day - not today!


#22864

Urgh girls! They can be such bitches to their mum’s!! I know because I’ve been that person towards my own mum also and I look back and just wilt inside alittle when I think about it. She has always remained there for me though, even if it’s in the background… she never gave up on me and she got her daughter back over time. More recently I was in a very unhealthy relationship which involved alot of DV. It took me over 12 months to leave and everyone told me I should leave but I stubbornly stayed hoping I could prove them wrong but also because i was scared to leave and had become so dependent on my ex, the underhand manipulation was out of this world. In my own time I did leave though and one of the things that gave me the strength to, was knowing that despite everything, my mum would still be there for me. And we are like best friends now… she has her daughter back. Hang in there and sending big hugs x ps also what I’ve taken from your post is that you haven’t turned to alcohol! What an awesome brilliant change hey! Give yourself a huge pat on the back for that x


#22865

Day 7! Omg so proud as it’s taken over 5 months and several resets to get here today… Have made many changes to my life and in my thinking and actions but honestly don’t think I’d have gotten to this point without you guys… feeling so much appreciation on so many levels x