Checking in daily to help maintain focus


#34704

Thank you. I really didn’t think I was going to make it through yesterday. It was an ugly, brutal, raw day – emotionally. I was wrecked physically due to anxiety and panic attacks. I just couldn’t breathe and there were shards wriggling under my skin from the forum.

I may be much more quiet than usual because I have no energy. Perhaps when I’ve had my last day on Friday and people don’t get to mistreat me all day (customer service), I will be in a better headspace.


#34705

I am happy you are back :two_hearts::two_hearts:


#34706

:pensive:
I have felt this for a while.
Feels hollow


#34707

The last meeting I went to a man said that was the only place he felt safe. He knew he wouldn’t drink that hour and he can talk freely about it. He keeps going back even if he can’t quite get there yet he was still not giving up and I found that pretty brave of him to share. Touched me for sure.


#34709

There’s a section in the AA big book in the discussion on step 10 that reads, paraphrasing, we have ceased fighting anyone or anything, including alcohol. I found that to be true, and to include that I stood fighting myself. Practicing radical acceptance for me means a heavy dose of gratitude. Not easy to do, and I don’t suffer from depression or anxiety. I’m sending some white light your way.


#34710

Day 354
This morning I got the keys to my new apartment :heart_eyes: Looks like I own a castle ahahaha bc I got a ton of keys.
Heading home now from a long day with an awful headache…will have some soulfood (pasta, donuts) and then take a bath :heart:
Keep on rocking friends :muscle::kissing_heart:


#34711

I hate to hear this is going on for so many! Pfft. Pretty miserable feeling. Keep loving and being you though. Happiness will follow no matter how it works out but it all starts really shifting there in my experience.


#34712

:sweat:
@AyBee

The format in the forum needs more emojis to help us express our feelings.
@Robin
@system


#34713

I’m right beside you on those feelings Angie! Her gaslighting has been on my mind a lot lately. Ugh! Good luck with the path ahead!


#34714

Are you referring to the in-post emojis or the reactions? The in-post list is huge and I think it’s all pretty well covered, but the reactions are only a handful.


#34715

Reactions. Nothing to express sadness.


#34716

Gah! For a nurse even I can hardly look at that :grimacing: That looks so painful.


#34718

Wow, things took a turn down the chute last night. I’d been having conversations with a friend about my marriage and I thought myself into a corner. I just feel so hopeless regarding us and I am tired of waiting for the lightbulb to flick on in my wife’s head to start dealing with her side of the fence. It’s hard to envision salvaging this dumpster fire sometimes.

I should probably preface this by saying that I’m grouchy as all get out. It was her company Christmas party last night, which was held at a small resort. The DJ was making the place shake and there were more loud drunks than I could shake a stick at. I was on dad duty virtually alone all night. My wife, of course, was carefree and having a blast and I haven’t been taking to her all day today. The music didn’t stop until 1am and the drunks hung out by the door of our room until 3am. No amount of coffee can right the ship at this point.

But I won’t use. And I’ll keep the throat punches to a minimum.


#34719

Theyve given me some super strength cocodamol to get me by but im not taking it throughout the day, I guess im just roughing it out.


#34720

Not sure if you have essential oils there but if so some of those are great for burns! There was a burn cream silvadene that was great too when I burned the hell out of myself before, the doctors prescribed it and it helped a lot.


#34721

I’m sorry to hear this, I can’t even imagine going through that alone. I too worked myself sick, which was catalyst to get sober. My partner had a hard time knowing how to help sometimes, which I now fully understand though.

I am in a loving relationship, and getting sober is shaking things up for sure. What I wanted to communicate in my last post is that I offloaded feeling bored and unstimulated with friends on him, putting the responsibility of making me happy entirely on him. Not fair. I scapegoated him… So this AM, I felt slightly unstimulated by him not connecting with me and then all of a sudden, he became reason I was sad that I have very little friends whom I connect to now…

But yeah, hard in the relationship as well. I’m learning to communicate with him, and tell him what I need. This is really hard for me, so it complicates things . I’m also seeing my behavior and working so hard on that. I want to blame our/my problems on him, but that’s not truth, not right.

He has the same sober days as me, in solidarity. He doesn’t have to, but he’s protecting me and supporting me. :heart:️ And he’s my mirror, which means I can learn so much from understanding how he feels and acts. It helps my sobriety.


#34723

Checking in on day 2. No sleep last night, banging headache and I feel like shit. I have been through this before but this seems worse than I remember and it’s a very good reason to make sure I never have to go through it again. :nauseated_face::face_vomiting::nauseated_face:


#34724

Day 194

I have had “Down Under” by Men At Work stuck in my head for almost 5 days now. Send help.

I also wore my skateboarding sunglass banana socks today.
Because 7 year-old me would’ve hated 30 year-old me for not buying them and wearing them to work.


#34725

I said, “do you speak-a my language?”
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich


#34726

Amazing song, have always loved it, but after this many days I desperately need to mentally turn it off!