Checking in daily to help maintain focus


#39205

Have had some thoughts of relapsing last night and today. About what it would feel like to get a bottle of oxy and just saying “fuck it”. I talked to my sponsor this morning about it and made a plan for today to keep myself a little more preoccupied. Cleaning up, tackling some much needed laundry, working out in a bit and then getting together with my brother and my mother before she heads back out of town. I know using won’t solve anything, I know using is not what I want to do but if I’m being honest with myself. The idea has crept into my mind more than normal and that’s okay. It’s okay to have these thoughts, it’s not okay to go and act upon them or use life as an excuse to pick up a bottle and be a piece of shit like I used to be. Hurting the ones I loved and hurting myself. I’m just venting right now about it, times like these I have been trying journaling and venting like I am here right now. Something about getting the thoughts out of your head and put on paper or said to a friend or just posted in a recovery forum really helps me out. I really like who I am becoming, I’m struggling with patience about it and wish I could just snap my fingers and bam I’m years sober, finished with school and life is stable. Lol only if lol. As much as that would seem amazing and nice, it’s days like these I’m grateful for bc it’s building my character back up after years of using and destroying that character and weaking my mental and physical health by using. I’m grateful to have the desire to use, having thoughts about it and knowing it’s not the end of the world, I don’t have to go pick up and I can stay sober and work on my recovery. Bc it’s days like these that are building me into the man I always knew I was, always believed I could be and building the character and mental fortitude for handling life on life’s terms and being proud and respecting the man I am. That’s been a struggle. Respecting the man I am with my past, my feelings and my inadequatacies. Focusing on the negative when I have so many good things I can focus on. It’s funny how something so important and so much a big part of you(your brain) can be your worst enemy and be so fucked up lol. I appreciate everyone on here and I’m very happy I am apart of this forum and for everyone who had the strength to read this whole thing I want to thank you. I needed to vent. I hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday and is staying sober. For everyone who is detoxing and struggling, know it gets better and it’s fucking worth it.
Love you guys!


#39207

Day 197. I used to, still have a tendency to, put the pain of another on my shoulders and to feel bad if I make a move which puts me in a position to not be there, or not help. With my friend who is having a hard time, and showing me disrespect, I have decided to just stop seeing her. I have been trying to find a way to deal, I’ve even been to Al-Anon meetings to deal with her because I’ve always considered her family and alcohol is involved heavily in her life/behavior, but I have come to see nothing will change with my effort, my position. I’m hurting myself. I’ve had a hard time also acknowledging because I’m not a victim, I’m loyal, and I’m usually a ride-or-die friend. I now come to see how flawed this is, how much I’m starving for love from her, and how easily I can take another path. Today I’ve made the excruciating decision to cut all ties with this person. I write this as feel anxiety, but it has to be done. This means to really stop thinking about our relationship, and to plan how to keep distance. I feel kind of ashamed to be here… Anyway, thanks for reading. :heavy_heart_exclamation:


#39208

Congrats on 300!!!


#39209

Sounds cool! Keep us posted on everything


#39210

That’s a hard situation to deal with, but it doesn’t sound like you could have done anymore. I had an old friend that I had to let go out of my life. Even before I was a full fledged alcoholic he was already there. I just went and drank with him and then it got progressively worse, his freak outs and anger issues got worse. He wasn’t doing anything to positive for my life to improve or to even maintain a good friendship or life balance. He was just dragging me down. Me and multiple people tried helping, but to no avail. Finally cut ties.


#39211

That’s a tough decision to have to make @liv_m, but you haven’t made it lightly and I don’t see how you could have done more. Sometimes you have to let go, as much as it hurts to do so. I would like to think that maybe this will cause your friend to do some thinking. Take care of yourself.


#39212

You are incredible!! Congrats, Lea! :100::100::100:


#39213

Way to go! Congrats!


#39214

Day 1 sober. Apathy and bitterness but I am sober today. Thank you for all the positive messages


#39215

@liv_m praying for you in this difficult decision.


#39216

Thank you . You are right. I am reading the book you told me. And I find it helpful. … I appreciate advice


#39217

A big HURRA for you buddy :ok_hand::pray: these things you saying hits me right in the heart ,i want to thank you for that :smiley: keep on being you you are Great at it you also inspire us others including me . You are right it’s funny how the brain works. Luring should i do it , who would know , or not do it all crazy stuff. But hell yes it’s so worth it ,not take the first glass,pill or whatever .We gain health,also menthaly, people in our lives, loved ones,community itself it all benefits . Im sober too and i L.O.V.E IT . Respect you all are Great people.


#39218

658 days for me now. So looking forward to the 2 year mile stone. Keep going everyone and as always said… 1 day at a time. It really does help!:grin::heart:


#39220

Checking in pissy, as heck. This weather is really getting to me. Tomorrow I am supposed to travel about 4 hours and 70% ice and snow is in the forecast. Nothing over freezing for at least 10 days. Now I know why I head West for January and February. It’s just too long.


#39221

Laugh out loud + 1


#39222


#39223

Keep going. I think I need the same kind of checking. I’m so close I’m the edge to giving up alcohol. We can do it. Check in here instead of turning to whatever it is out there.


#39224

3 weeks sober and im feeling good. Finished my DWI class today and gonna work on getting some others lined up.


#39225

I am proud of you. I was just reading another thread. It was your first 3 days. I’m so glad your still sober. Keep on posting and reading your doing great.


#39226