Checking in daily to help maintain focus


#41590

That’s sweet to let me know. I really appreciate that. I hope you get wherever your going safely.


#41591

You are not broken. It may may feel like it right now, but you are worth a sober life. I also believe in you that you can acheive it. I know you can get through the next 3 weeks. Go to a lot of meetings - go from meeting to meeting of you need to. Share your thoughts. Ask for help.
I listen to a lot of speaker tapes. This one feels appropriate to share: https://youtu.be/W_EBujROSeM


#41592

Checking in day 19!! Forgot that this morning.

I wanted to share the fact that my new neurons are doing a great job (two days early…they couldn’t wait :rofl:)! I did groceries without a grocerylist and didn’t forget anything! That’s a great feeling and proof my brain is recovering!!! :tada:


#41593

I actually did keto for some time too, but now taking a break as it seems to make me too restless. The weight loss was super fast too.


#41594

I have a long drive to Phoenix today. I will gladly listen to the pod cast.
Thank you for sharing :blush:


#41595

No rush! Go on the 2nd date, and see how it goes :slight_smile: So great that you had a good first date. Feeling a little overwhelmed and somewhat scared is totally normal, especially at the start of dating and when you think you might like the person. I bet he’s feeling the same way, so no need to worry too much. The excitement is part of the ride!

The most important thing…just be your awesome self :smile:


#41596

Peace, thank you very much. I do that to myself constantly and it’s so detrimental. I either feel all alone and I’m afraid that’s what I deserve.
I feel I have a personality that I’m not happy with tbh and I’ve learned to use my personality to be well liked by many, but I am able to be engaging in a conversation, make the other person feel very comfortable and they will be sharing to me and I don’t share anything. I’m scared to let people in to know the real me so I do feel alone a lot bc of that. It’s really shitty and difficult bc people think i have a lot of friends bc I’m very talkative, I like the center of attention and all these things that have me in contact with many different people but I feel like it was a coping mechanism I developed as a child. My parents moved sooo much when I was a kid, like every year. Very dysfunctional lol to move every year and it was weirder that it wasn’t to different places but the same two cities almost entirely opposite sides of the country every year…
it led me to be able be like a chameleon. I can switch personality to suit whatever group I’m in and get along with the different types of people. But again, it’s me talking, you think I’m being close but I’m really giving nothing of what’s going on in my life which causes me to start to freak later on bc I bottle this stuff up and when things happen or strange things happen I haven’t been actually sharing my problems to people and start to feel overwhelmed bc it all of a sudden goes from 0 to a :100: and they think I’m crazy lol bc I haven’t said anything this whole time while I mask major problems going on in my life


#41597

Day 254

Waking up to two letters in the post. One a Council Tax invoice £1440 and the other a HM Revenue and Customs letter saying I’ve underpaid tax by £1620. So I basically owe £3k.

If I was still drinking and using I’d have binned these letters, buried my head in the sand, bought some coke and a bottle of Jack.

Sober me accepts I owe this money. Sober me also spends a lot less, is very careful with money and actually works full weeks and saves.

Sober me has rang both companies and arranged direct debits for the next 12 months at no extra cost to me for £250 a month. That’s all my tax paid for the year, and I can file the letters away as paid and carry on with my day.

No worrying about knocks at the door or more letters through the post. No lying awake at night worrying about what ifs and projecting the worst possible scenarios.

Done, dusted and off to the gym ready for date night and some lovely food with what looks like my new girlfriend later.

Have a wonderful day folks. Keep it simple, and if you’re struggling reach out. A message, a phone call, a cry for help, anything. Just don’t pick up the first drink. As it’s the first drink that does the damage


#41598

Day 279.

I realized something yesterday. I have not really missed drinking at all. It was so unenjoyable the last few times, just completely unappealing when I think of it. I turned a corner at some point in my drinking when it went from “needing to stop” to “WANTING to stop”.

However – what I realized yesterday is that there are still days where I miss amphetamine (adderall). I still have a belief that it helped me. It eliminated my depression, made me less anxious, I was far more motivated, clear-headed, more social. Life didn’t seem like a chore. The monotony of day-to-day life didn’t get me down. Someone said it on here once, that it was “like I had been seeing life in black and white my whole life, and with adderall, I was finally living life in color”. Really the best description I’ve ever heard of the experience. I felt as though I was experiencing my life, for the first time, as it was meant to be experienced…like something in me had been “corrected” by this drug. I was/am diagnosed with ADHD, so it was prescribed legally…just not taken as prescribed. The ol’ addict thinking: “if one is good, five is better”. I simply could not keep my hand out of the pill bottle when I was actively using.

Although alcohol is what I consider my primary DOC, I have found that adderall is the only one I have craved, and has been the toughest to deny.

All I can say is that there are some certainties which stop me from using it again. One, is that if I use adderall – I will 100% drink. There is no doubt about it. The hell with that. Two, I will be an irritable mess for weeks after that. Not worth it. Three, I am very glad this isn’t something I can go and just get at the store. It might be harder to resist if that were the case. And finally, fourth: I will not use it again. That’s a promise I made to myself.

I’m not sure what I’m posting this for. Just a reminder I guess that no matter how many days we have, our addictions are always waiting for us to give an inch. I refuse to let those wheels start turning.


#41599


#41600

Thanks for sharing buddy. It certainly does put things in a bit more perspective. It can sneak up just like that.


#41601

Day 333 and 11 months sober. Hope everyone has a good day.


#41602

Congrats on 11 months, Lea! You’ve done such a fantastic job and have really put in the work. I am proud of you!


#41603

Second that! @Lionfish


#41604

I typed up a long reply, but decided to just say that I hope your day goes well friend :slightly_smiling_face: Reach out if you need to (I’ll stay in my own lane), call your sponsor or go to a local hospital/ER if you can’t fight that urge to use again while you’re on the road. Be safe!


#41605

Cool app! What is that one called? Congrats on your 19 days!


#41606

Lol I do that all the time.
Thank you and I hope you have a really nice day as well.


#41607

Day 20. First real cravings today. Uncomfortable but never felt out of control. Friday’s are a big trigger for me. I’m so used to letting loose after work. Plus there’s a huge horse racing event on in my town atm and everyone is hammered. It’s a double edged sword really. The negative is that alcohol is everywhere, the positive is that it’s a stark reminder of how grim the whole thing is. At least I know that the vomit in the streets tomorrow morning won’t be mine​:grin: Hope you’ve all had a great day :+1:


#41608

Hi I’m the same I’ve a big sweet tooth especially since after giving up alcohol think it’s actually more addictive :see_no_evil: im eating chocolate and sweets every day i keep saying to myself well it’s better (and cheaper) than drinking lol


#41609

Thank you :pray:! And the app is called EasyQuitDrinking…According to the app I’ll live 1 day and 16.7 hours longer coz of not drinking 19 days :confetti_ball: Whoop whoop!