If it helps I really enjoy your posts and travel tales etc. Curious question, do you feel any better now you are alcohol free? You have broken one destructive cycle and I bet you feel some benefit even if it is small?
Just asking as it would be worth exploring what other cycles you have to break. One I would suggest is your workaholic cycle. I think you said something about working 100+ days straight, thats not healthy and I’m speaking from experience. I was a global account manager for a big company, working 6 am to midnight alot of days as I had customers from Tokyo to LA timezones, and customers in the middle east who worked Sundays so I had to be available it was a crazy cycle which I had to break, I lived in fear of messing up and it began to spiral out of control and I drank to block out the fear.
I made those changes after I got sober, now I work 8am - 6pm maximum most days, there are of course exceptions, but we have to realise we are not robots.
Look at what other cycles you must break and start making the changes. You are worth it, I hope you will realise that soon and keep sharing your journey with us.