Day 4 Actually slept well! Probably the best I’ve slept in weeks. I’m trying the self healers program from the Holistic Psychologist. Did the journaling and watched some of her YouTube videos. I like her. She’s probably the best therapist I have ever heard. Anyway, long day ahead. Hope everyone has a good day!
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Dr. Nicole??
Yes!! Have you listened to her?
Yes, from your recommendation!!
Oh yay!! Hope you like her! She is very transparent. All of the things she is teaching/talking about she’s been through.
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Made it to day 8…was really struggling yesterday when my mom called to say we have to put my cat down. The last time I lost a pet, only a few years ago, I drank to forget and I don’t want to do that anymore. Right now my brain is in denial mode. I had a dentist appointment today and cancelled it. Never liked going but always have…figured today if I didn’t want to be around people I shouldn’t have to be. My parents invited me and my friend over for dinner and to play games. I know its their way of trying to forget that they put my cat down today but really all it will do is remind me that he’s not there anymore. Death is weird.
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Evening check in, need to vent a little. So I did this three hour interview to be diagnosed with a personality disorder the other week. The psychologists who interviewed me want me to join a schema therapy group. All sounds very good for me. But now I got the conformation the waiting list for it is 6 to 8 months. WTF. Might as well be in my next life is how it feels to me. Bloody depressing. OK. On we go. Four steps forward three steps back. Got to find something for myself again but no idea what right now.
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Holy shit that’s long, I went to one of the best youth rehabs in the country and the waitinlist wasn’t that long
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I will try her out and let you know. I need a voice of sanity , especially for those sleepless nights. Tks
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Yeah, maybe theres a fitting module on therapieland.nl, that’s the module I used for autism
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I might look around a bit, thanks for the tip guys.
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Oh Good! Her videos are short, 7-11 minutes. She addresses different topics in each. Hope you find it as helpful as I have!
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Sorry about the long wait Menno, that really sucks 
Hopefully something the other guys recommended will suffice in the meantime.
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congratulations, 6 months is great
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You do know the Dutch famous plant i guess 
I’m getting better bruv. Wounds finaly start to heal and hope to get home in time 4 my sisters wedding in july.
Be safe homey
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Day 22 and me emotionally stable. ‘Kicked’ myself in the ass and spent 2 hours playing football with my lads. This gave me some happiness.
Just realised I didn’t have thoughts drinking alcohol today. More days like this plz.
Have great rest of today and sober tomorrow everyone.
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This happens to me a lot! Just like you described it. I have such a hard time accepting the help once it’s finally there in front of me. It’s helped when people have reassured me I’m making the right call and reminding me why I made it far enough into the process or system to be offered the help.
If you don’t accept the help you need, it can actually be even more of a drain on health resources, especially considering the symptomology of BPD. It’s way better for you and them and the NHS budget if you can get help you need with phone calls and appointments and get better, rather than have emergency visit after emergency visit when it goes into full spinout crisis.
And when I get those times where I don’t even feel like anything’s wrong anymore, I remind myself that it’s “me the person” they’re treating, not “me right at this moment”. Extreme moods and wildly varying self-conceptions of ourselves are part of the package, but we’re not always off the rails! The treatment helps address the overall pattern of behaviour, and can act in a prevention/maintenance capacity.
In the last six months I’ve been getting way more help than I’ve ever had before and I’m far from comfortable with, but I’ve been able to stick with it and trust them (they accept people into programs for reasons), and it’s been paying off big.
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My first check in! I got through my first day yesterday on my own! I made a delicious sparkling water with fruit last night to enjoy. Im feeling pretty good this morning. I thought I would sleep worse. Only suffered some night sweats and stressful dreams! Im looking forward to healthy foods, exercise and friends today. 
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196 days of not gaming. thats pretty close to 200, pretty siked(1. can someone tell me the correct speling?) about that. I had no clue that I would be capable of not gaming or using youtube recreationally or using twitch for 6 hours.
Today was a shit yet good day. I tried studying the entire day, i failed, some would say miserably. I can’t handle all triggers in my house, yet dont have the discipline to study somewhere else. I have 2 tests tomorrow, for which i have barely been able to study. I have a good margin for 1 of the tests, I can get a 2,5 or i think a D- to keep that subject high enough(2. is there a single word to describe this?) to pass. The other test should be a 5,5 or C to keep that subject high enough to pass. The problem is that both tests cover 4 months of classes, which i had trouble following due to a lack of discipline that was boosted because the lessons were online due to corona. So I decided to use my no longer prescribed ADHD meds to stay focused. This was obviously not very clever, because i am sensitive for new addictions, and i was aware of that before i took them. I did think it was a must(i dont know if it was me or my addiction talking), because if i fail the tests tomorrow, ill get held back again. I think that could be a major cause to relapse. I told that on here and i got some great advice. Eventually decided to throw the meds out. Also downloaded a specific app to help maintain focus on studying, which James @ifs recommended. Thank you again
. I eventually managed to get studying done for the subject i had to get a good grade on, so thats great.
Nailbiting went good today, got a lot of advise(3. is it advice or advise?) on that matter. Like you can see in my chart, it is getting better. I almost had a full day. Got rid of the dead pieces of skin/nail with clippers. Then discovered i had forgotten one and bit it off, 4 minutes before i had a full day 
@ifs , @TMAC , @Phoenixfighter , thank you for the advice on the nailbiting.
@ifs , @Fargesia_murielae , @anon60334405 thank you for the help with the ADHD medicition.
That’s great advice
@Neebie good job on getting through your first day
@resilienttranskid i hope the bodyscan worked
I put a couple questions in there about grammar, if someone could answer them, that would be awesome. Also if you see any other grammatical errors, please do tell.
If you’ve made it this far in this post, you’re a great person, really makes me feel like i matter
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