Hi Emm,
My father had vascular dementia which is why I became a volunteer for the Alzheimer’s Society and run workshops with families, organisations and companies like banks to better understand people living with that disease, by which I mean everyone affected by it. One of the things I learned was that even if someone doesn’t recognize you or remember you visiting them, at some level it does have an emotional impact that is enduring. 
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Hey guys checking in day 73…
Working on my daughters baby book has been on my to do list since… she was born?? Ive finally sat down and started filling in the pages. She is 2.5 now. There is a page for every month of her life up until age 1 and it breaks my heart how much I don’t remember. And then her second year of life I was so depressed still and working my ass off and drowning that there isnt much to put there either. Flash forward to this year… I quit my job and started focusing on my sobriety and I cant even fit it all on one page!!! We did Sedona, Hawaii, Nebraska, visited my moms farm for 7 weeks, went to the beach in NC, Savannah GA, Utah twice (once in the snow)… When I was an active drug user I could have never done those things.
Anyway, seeing it all down on paper is proof, my sober life is 1000x better than my addict life. And there are many more years to fill out here. I still dont know what to do with all these blank pages. I got the pictures printed to put in here but they turned out all pixilated, I have no idea how to fix this issue. Lol. Sorry, long post, I hope you all have a great day!
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Awww that is so heartfelt and sweet and a great idea!!! 
That will be even BETTER!! Thanks so much!!!
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Congratulations on 2 freakin weeks sober.
Stay strong. One day at a time 
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Thanks man. I really appreciate it, absolutely for me. When I feel those moments coming, calling it a early night, laying down with some music in. Or even taking a bath is all steps in the right direction. It’s funny what my mind makes me forget, like I forget that literally two weeks ago I almost relpased. But you saying I’ve watched you get through some struggles helps me remember. You will get through those moments man, just have a safe plan for when you feel it coming and make sure you use it…you’re doing great man.
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Checking in this morning sober. Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death. My Dad died May 2016. Been thinking a lot about my mother yesterday as that was one of the worst days of my life and also a great day as I was there for her to hold her and be with her for her final days of hospice. It was pretty brutal. The thing is I’ve never really had a good cry. Lots of little ones. Especially yesterday. But no good big ones. I could never be sober while my parents were alive. They would be so proud of me now 
I got no regrets. I was always there for them.
That’s all I’m going to say about that. Looking forward to a sober hike today. God bless y’all and your parents. Just be there for them
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Heartbreaking. Hugsies
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Day 28: Woke up after a couple hours of sleep, couldn’t fall back asleep so I messed around on TS for an hour. Then back to sleep when my eyes were drooping. Sleep solidly for another 4 .5 hours. It’s so weird, because when I went to bed I was exhausted! The fitful nights are frustrating. Overall I feel rested, though, so that’s a good thing. I am getting a health and fitness tracker this week so it will be interesting to start looking at some data around sleep, movement and whatever else it offers. Got my 45 min workout and sweat out this morning. Still have this general feeling of peace as I go through the day that is undergirded with a base level of anxiety lurking that peeps out every now and then and shows itself with racing thoughts, increased heart rate, and some cold sweats. What the heck is that about?! NOT GONNA DRINK TODAY. That’s not even what it’s about, I don’t think, but my mind goes there as I remember I probably would have craved booze to numb even the question of why I was feeling anxious.
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Mom was a musician. And taught kids on military bases all over the world. As bad as the dementia got and it got bad. And her deafness? C’mon God really?? She could still play Beethoven, Bach, and her favorite and probably most difficult Chopin, right to the fucking end. With a smile on her face. Pain free. In her element. She didn’t know where she was. Or what day it was. The gift of music and its healing powers and so strong. It was amazing to watch. Even the nurses and doctors were amazed.
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Day 28. And finally I know that I do not have Covid! 
I’m going to have breakfast then take the dogs for a little hike. Get started on this weight loss thing. I’m looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.
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What kind of tracker are you going to get? I received an iWatch for my birthday and I love it
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Oh no Eric. Big big hugs for you today my friend. You are in my thoughts extra today.
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That’s the fancy stuff right there, nice! I got a $20 fit something or other from Amazon. I figured I would try it out before I commit to anything more expensive, as this is a new form of tech for me and I might just not end up following through with using it. We’ll see!
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My heart goes out to you @Dazercat. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during these tough times. 
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I use the basic fitbit, it’s got everything you need! Just download the app and watch your progress.
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Day 2
Good morning! Wow does it ever feel like I’ve been clean and sober for longer than 2 days lol. Had a good rest last night and plan to do some cleaning today. Think I will smudge as well and connect to the Creator (I am trying build a closer relationship with my Higher Power). Beautiful fall day outside today also 
But that little addictive demon is slowly trying to creep itself back into my head already. I can tell that its there and im trying to ignore it and distract myself. Hope everyone is having a great day so far 
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I feel you. It’a never easy to lose a loved one. Virtual hugs
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Well done on 50 days, sounds like you’ve got a solid plan, go for it
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Day 6 which is my new record! So feeling proud of myself, even though I was white-knuckling a bit yesterday. When I stopped to think about it, I realized I was definitely angry and tired, so I talked things out with my partner instead of letting it stew and it went away. We got some take-out, made some chamomile tea and I took a melatonin and got like 10 hours of sleep! So far today I have no cravings; I just can’t wait to see my counter say 7 days tomorrow morning Happy monday everyone thanks for being here.
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