Please talk to us, lovely. Or cuddle up with your dog Luna and try to get some sleep. It’s late there. When you wake, this headspace will be in the past, the clouds may well have started to clear.
I believe in you. 
9 Likes
Danni?
I know it’s 3 in the morning where you are.
You best be sober and asleep in bed.
Don’t you leave me hanging.
I happen to really believe in you and think you are one of the strongest worriers among us.
Please check back in when you can.
Love you
12 Likes
Ugh. That is so frustrating. I’ve done a lot of quit lit reading. The alcohol marketing machine just blows my mind. I’m glad to be on this sober journey with you all too. Community makes all the difference.
8 Likes
I’ve been slacking a lot lately I need to get back in the habit,
I been battling depression, but even with meds that’s always gonna be a struggle, I hate it though I have not a thing to be depressed about, yet here I am battling depression.
I got my VA license the other day. Which is kinda cool, I said I wasn’t staying in VA so I was so hesitant on it, part of me feels like that might be part of my depression, like I officially gave up on PA, and I’m here for a bit longer than planned, it doesn’t phase me overall, but I think subconsciously it’s eating at me.
My friend who’s a manager at a dealership has me interviewing there he can’t do the interview cause it’s a conflict of interest, and his gf can’t either so I’m meeting with his boss, he’s believing my offer is gonna be almost double of what i make now, kinda nervous kinda excited
The group that was a classic rock Group was a total flop, when I talked to them via text and phone they told me how they were “professionals” and the we discussed meeting at the studio for a rehearsal, I asked for a song list, and was sent one, get there and then I’m handed a completely different list, and they changed the arrangements, so we are behind the curve already,
I came prepared like I always do, 2 guitars, extra everything cause something always goes wrong when your not prepared, and I had to show them how to use a guitar tuner? The other guitar players guitar was not staying in tune, and I had to remind them of it, and none of them were prepared, I had to wing it and figure out the songs as we went. Af the end he’s like well you really don’t know our songs. I wanted to say. Well you don’t know your songs, but I bit my tongue there’s more and better opportunities to come,
But I am going to California in October, so I’m excited for that. I’m 400 days in give or take on the sober bus,
And to battle my depression I started setting up my home rig as pictured below
ETA not included is my purple guitar, which is loved by many,
20 Likes
Dani, my love! Sounds like you just told me you are HUMAN. All of us are all of those things and it’s okay. You belong!! Nobody is perfect. Sending you love. Stay strong. Play the tape forward!!! And breathe.
8 Likes
Writing has been helping me in those depressing moments too dude. Get it all out on song and paper. Was wondering how you were doing haven’t seen you for a bit.
4 Likes
Hey Danni, i hope you don’t decide to drink you know it’s not going to help anything, it’s crazy how many of us have been having depression kicking in…don’t give up your sobriety because at least the flaws you have now you can work on them, you can’t work on them drunk, we are always around for support 
10 Likes
Day 393 a rollercoaster of emotions, something fucked must be happening with the moon cause a lot of us seem to not be having a good day today. Here’s to a better day tomorrow guys and a good evening !
17 Likes
Danni, you are a beautiful person inside and out. You know what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Dig deep right now and find that little bit of strength to get through tonight. Go back to basics. What would you tell me if I was ready to open a bottle? Come on girl, you can do this. Much love to you.
14 Likes
You are NOT that person, I hope you know how much we love you here and we DO know you very personally and completely.
Please stay strong sweetie.
10 Likes
90 days today! I often battle with thoughts of wanting to drink still but I’m always thankful when I don’t. I really hope those thoughts subside in time.
I know if I go out it’s gonna be the same shit.
On step 2. Hugs
19 Likes
@apes2020 I love Marcus Aurelius.
@Bootz I think your method is good. Whatever you need to do to get the job done. Like @LeeHawk , I don’t deal with this because my state doesn’t allow wine sales in grocery stores. It’s annoying until you’re thankful for it.
5 Likes
That’s huge! And yep - no matter how many days for any of us, it’s gonna be the same shit is right.
Huge congrats to you. I hope you are proud!
5 Likes
When I read what you’ve wrote, what I’m really understanding is that maybe some things happened, they went wrong, and it hurts down to the depths of your soul. Maybe this is a pattern and you don’t know where it came from. You know you do the things, but maybe you don’t know why you do them–or worse, maybe you do but you don’t want to dig into that. Maybe you think that because you’ve done these things, you’ve hurt someone else, or shown pieces of yourself that don’t reflect the person you want to be seen as and because of this you can never possibly be accepted. It’s so bad that you don’t deserve anything good; because, only good people deserve good things.
The truth is that we don’t always get what we deserve–good or bad. Look at that bottle, if you haven’t already thrown it out. How does punishing yourself in this matter, help anyone else that you might have hurt? The truth is that by drinking the contents of that bottle, you are not only hurting yourself, but you are increasing the chances that you will hurt the people you don’t want to hurt, that you are punishing yourself already for hurting someone (or whatever the situation may be).
In truth, I don’t think anyone deserves anything at all. The world is filled with cause and effect. That is all. There is something, probably long ago and something painful buried deep in your heart, that caused the effect that you are seeing in your behaviors, and in turn, that causes another effect and so forth and so forth. This has become so automatic that it seems impossible to change. But this is not who you are, it is an automatic behavior built off deep emotions and thoughts.
It can be changed, but it can be a long journey.
Look at that bottle and understand that your choice to drink or not to drink is simply another link in the chain. We have all done horrible things in our lives. We’ve hurt people. We have memories that cause us shame, that make us want to bury ourselves under the earth and never come out.
Yes, to drink it might allow you to escape your thoughts for this moment, for the next several hours, but the same thoughts, feelings, and memories of your actions will still be there in the morning with the added pain of your defeat. And you will have been successful in proving to yourself how horrible and retched you are because you can’t even stop yourself from drinking. Just another form filed away in your folder labeled, “Reasons Danni is a Terrible Person”.
Perhaps one question to ask is, why you feel the need to present yourself with more of these reasons at all?
You are not a cunt who deserves nothing. You are a person whose heart is full of terrible pain and anguish. A person who, somewhere along the way, began to believe that they were horrible, that they must be horrible. Often times these pains are so deep that we forget why they even exist or the truth of their being. But those pains drive subconscious thoughts, which break through the surface and become translated into feelings, and from there we act them out, often subconsciously, even if we are trying to be something else.
To not drink that bottle is to stop that possible future, the effect, from happening. You, and only you, have control over whether to stop the cause. Why continue this cause and effect chain? Why give yourself another reason to believe you are nothing?
And let’s suppose you’re right–just for the sake of argument. Let’s suppose you are a horrible person. Then what? Does that mean you cannot change? That you are forever doomed to be who you are now?
No. You are not. The past is over. It’s done. But tomorrow you can make a different choice, and the day after that, and the day after that. You can continue to try and never stop, because you will fail and you will fall. It will happen throughout your life. You will never be perfect. And that’s okay. What matters is that you look at the actions you took in the past, then the emotions and thoughts that drove them, and figure out where they’ve come from and how you can change these patterns for a different outcome.
This is within your power. You are so much more powerful than you know and you are capable of amazing things.
And look at the fact that you posted. You are here. You are trying. There are places you belong. Look at the love you have received. You are more than your mistakes. Throw away the mental folder you have of why you suck. Start a new folder labeled, “Reasons Why Danni is a Success” and put something in it every day–starting with dumping out the bottle you bought and throwing it away.
17 Likes
You do belong. You belong here. Downing a bottle won’t take you out of your head. Talking will. And crying. You deserve a good life. You deserve to recover. You are worthy. Love. Hugs.
9 Likes
- Coffee. Early Monday morning on a work day after a staycation, how bad is that? Not half as bad as a Monday morning hungover I tell you. Monday morning waking up as if from the dead. Never again. Had some vivid dreams but that’s OK. I slept. Not a booze induced coma. No headache, nausea, no wine breath now.
So off I go. Sober and clean. One day at a time. Have as good week as you all can friends. All on our own roads but we get to share some of 'm here. Love.
22 Likes
Well a sober er for half yr next mont
7 Likes
Thank you I am proud I just am wrestling with the desire to drink a lot more lately and trying to get through that. It’s annoying lol. But I’ve made it this far!
Thank you so much!
3 Likes
Last thought Of the night:
I started binge drinking alone & repeatedly after a year of incredible loss, pain, and stressful situations (teaching during hybrid my stepdad died and breakup/moved alone). That was the height of my problem and my sign I needed help. Prior to that I would sometimes drink a lot alone (3-5 glasses of wine in the bathtub, while cooking, etc- I couldn’t stop when I started I always wanted more; but every time I went out and drank I had WAY more than planned and had countless bad experiences. I can’t tell you how many times my now ex got angry for me drinking and driving or picking fights when drunk. I also was way too generous with money and put myself in legitimately dangerous situations walking out of houses with strangers. And yet, I still, sometimes crave. Only an alcoholic would crave that which almost killed them multiple times. It’s a daily battle but it is one worth fighting. While our story may not be over yet (the man and I), I remind myself the only reason he’s in my life even as a distant friend right now is because I’m getting help. And no, I’m not getting sober for him. I got sober for me. But if we work out after 6 years and the last 2 of me drinking soooo much, I know it will be because I’m in recovery and getting help. We have plans to talk soon. We are both hopeful and optimistic. It bothers me even that won’t stop my cravings. I hope cravings get less with more time.
This disease is brutal, but we are doing it!!!
Hugs and love on 90 days
15 Likes
Hey. Congratulations again on your 90 days. Craving are a real bitch. Do you have a plan when that happens? A friend to call? A meeting to seek out? Checking in on here? Changing things up a bit? Reaching 90 days was a huge milestone for me. The addict in me was roaring during the week. They subsided a bit. But they do come back. Have a plan. Find out what’s really happening.
Keep checking in. It works if you work it.
7 Likes