I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 365
I thought it was going to be an amazing day.
But apparently it doesn’t matter how much I try, how positive I’m trying to look at the world, because the Universe simply doesn’t care.
This morning I had my first class in theater studies, on zoom. I was all happy and cheerful all morning. About half time into the meeting I got a phone call.
The social service called and demands us, the entire family. Me, my husband and the boys. To come for a meeting on Wednesday. Someone, they refused to say who, has made a report to them saying that we are abusive to the kids. And they have started what we call a domestic investigation against us.
I can’t focus, and I can’t think of anything else. And after all that’s been this year I have zero trust in the social service here. We’ve tried to call them back,to change the meeting to tomorrow instead, but they doesn’t even bother to answer.
I’m so upset,and having sever anxiety over the whole thing. They refused to give us any details so I don’t know anything more for now. It feels terrible.
Before this I was so certain that I wouldn’t drink, things was going my way. But now it feels like it doesn’t matter. The universe won’t give me release no matter what I do.
I hope y’all are doing better than I am.
To be continued…
This was a hard truth for me to accept as well, the fact that my disease was stronger than the love for my child. Well to be honest once I accepted it, it was humbling to me. It is one of the reasons I do not mess around when I feel rocky in my recovery now. It took me so long to get back from my relapse I have extreme fear of falling off the rails again.
Congrats on your 90 days of sobriety, those first 3 months aren’t easy. It took 5 months for my obsession to use to be lifted, those cravings will be gone one day, just hang on.
Checking in…day Two went well enough, (still adjusting to having my newly retired, negative leaning husband with me tooo much, I’m a loner he’s not ugh!) then as day progressed I got irritable ended up drinking a big glass of wine…dumb didn’t solve a thing, just slept like crap. Crap in crap out…day 3 Will be better.
Ahh…shit, Sophia. I’m so sorry you got this shit to deal with on such a great day of achievement. You’ve stayed sober through so many bombs life keeps throwing at you. I hope can find some time to tell the universe to fuck right off and have some cake.
Never forget you are an amazing woman. And you’ll beat this too whatever it is.
Congratulations on your year of freedom from alcohol.
I made sure it’s gluten free
Don’t stress, you are an amazing mom! Whoever reported you is just crazy, the social services will see that instantly. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Keep your head up.
Congratulations on 365 days of sobriety. It IS a major accomplishment and it DOES matter. I’m sorry that you’re going through shit on your big day. Life on lifes terms, you are ok for today. Best wishes.
Well first congratulations on your one year, because I’m so happy for you there.
I’m not sure what other issues you’ve seen or had with social service, but I wouldn’t trust them at all. Not there and not anywhere. Yes they can step in when there is a legitimate problem, but I have read too many stories of social services in various countries using the legal system and courts that are sealed to the public to steal children from loving parents. Most people don’t even know this is an issue and there is still a belief that “the system” is doing a lot of good.
My thoughts are with you right now. Please let us know what happens. I can only imagine how thoroughly anxious and stressed you are right now. Don’t drink. That definitely will not help your case. You can handle this without ‘help’. You are stronger than you were a year ago and definitely stronger than you probably know.
You are destined to be what you think you will be.
It seems to me, from only this post, that the place for you to begin is with your thoughts. Forget about whether or not you are or are not drinking, but rather look inside. You are already drinking in your thoughts. They seem to be consuming you.
This is not a state within which you can succeed.
Why do you want to quit drinking? Do you really want it? What is your plan? You don’t need to answer me, but rather they’re questions for you to ponder and to answer honestly. Your thoughts will eventually become your feelings and from there they will be your actions.
The bible quote, “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” is precisely this. You do not need to be any particular religion to find wisdom in a religious text either. You can say you want to quit all you want, but if you are constantly thinking about drinking, then you will drink. This has nothing to do with will power.
In conjunction with attending meetings, something you may find useful is to do research on changing your thought patterns. Uncouple common associations with drinking. It all begins in the mind. It is hard work, but I have no doubt you can accomplish it.
You do not have to be a chronic relapser, but you most definitely will be if you’ve already decided from the start that is your destiny.
Reason number 54892330 not to do drugs. Customer that was high as a kite took a big old poop on my store’s sidewalk…infront of everyone. Oblivious to other customers. She just dropped her pants and pooped
I think what @Its_me_Stella
Is saying it’s our stinking thinking.
I use to fly cross country to see my folks. Or even short flights. And my thinking was I’m stuck at the airport. I’m delayed. I’m missing my connection. I’m on vacation. “Rightfully so” I deserve to get all liquored up. It took me a long time. But I don’t think like that anymore. I think how great I’m going to feel after the flight and no hangover in the morning. And I can drive or whatever.
I am glad you are back here checking in immediately after you had a drink.
Now that I got a good chunk of days sober I realize there is no “rightly so” for drinking. For me.
Try checking in before you pick up. Or call a friend. Or a meeting.
