Checking in, right now because I need to. I need to get down what just happened.
So it’s Monday, just got my nails done and I have to go back to my home town on Monday to collect my methadone.
I’d just walked out the chemist and got a call from a number I didn’t recognise. Its a “friend” of mine. Its his payday, and he’s got me a smoke. (Crack and heroin) told him no its OK I’m not bothered, I’m going home. He even offered to pay for a taxi for me to go his… I still said no.
I’m currently on the bus back out of town to my safe place and I just can’t believe it. I straight turned it down. It was free, I didn’t even have to walk to it. And I still said no…xx
Also yes, the number got blocked 
xx
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@Lisa07 Honestly, from what you wrote, I would be upset too. It’s good that you stuck to your guns and made the choice not to go, but there needs to be a give and take in the group dynamic, and an understanding that if it is a group then the group should decide, not a select few while others go along.
@siand You’re doing the best you can in the moment. It’s all you can do. When other things are causing stress, sometimes the smallest of things can feel massive. Hang in there.
@emc2018 I’m SO sorry to hear about this thing with your friend. I hope the two of you are able to work something out. Long term friendship is such a gift because people slowly grow and change over the years and to still maintain that connection is something special. I wish you the very best on this.
@Amisober You are amazing! Great job! Definitely not a “friend” at all. Good on you!
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@Amisober congrats on deleting those numbers, it was such a liberating feeling when I did it too, it really felt like I was taking my power back 
Just seen your more recent post, messages and calls still come even though I’m now 360 days clean from Cocaine, I’ve got nearly 200 blocked numbers now 
congrats on saying no, the more you say it the easier it gets
@Rockergirl92 congrats on 90 days
@Wakikki so happy to see this 
congrats on 30 days
@zzz happy to see this too congrats on your week
@Dolse71 congrats on 350 days
@KellyKelly sending strength 
congrats on your week AF and 2 weeks cannabis free
@Lisa07 I’m sorry, that’s really inconsiderate of them 
@Kmcc123 Sorry to hear this keep trying 
good luck on getting a sponsor 
Happy Birthday 
392 days no alcohol.
360 days no cocaine.
5 days no disordered eating.
Feeling very anxious as I am on my last 10ml bottle of vape liquid. I thought I’d ordered enough to see me past the cocaine milestone but I seem to have got through it a bit quicker this time around, so a new attempt to quit nicotine is upon me. The part I fear most is that I always get cocaine cravings when I try to stop, mostly (I think) because of the fatigue that stopping hits me with. I’m also worried I will start bingeing again. Not sure what I can put in place for either of these cravings that will surely come, secretly hoping it might be miraculously easier this time around. Atleast I know to expect the fatigue this time, it was a total shock to my system last time. I don’t know whether to allow myself to give in to the food related cravings until the worst is over, then refocus on my eating plan in a couple of weeks, but I also can’t help thinking that’s just my addict finding an excuse to indulge itself.
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Checking in sober and ED free.
466.56 days sober
86.67 days anorexia & bulimia free 
Miracle!
ED trigger warning, weight/calories
Almost at 90 days with the ED, I can’t believe it. Anorexia is harder to gauge. Usually if I’m good with bulimia, then the anorexia kicks in hardcore. So then you have to think, how many calories would be low enough to be considered anorexic?
The good news is that I don’t need to worry about that because I’ve been steadily increasing my calories. I cannot believe how much I’m eating in a day without spazzing out. I mean I get uncomfortable here and there, but I work through it. There was a time where I would freak out if I had even close to 800 calories in a day. Now I’m shootings for 2,000 ABOVE that, what? What? Now of course I’ve not actually made my goat of 2,760 calories per day, but I will train my stomach to get there. I’m hovering in the 2,200-2,300 range which blows my mind. I’m finally showing a small weight gain but I think it’s my lady time. Anyway, this is huge and I feel really proud. This is so hard.
With drinking and drugs, you stop and never have to control it. Why? Because we have learned that controlling does not work for addicts. Yet, with food addictions, we are forced to control it because we need food to survive.
Happy Monday everyone. And happy Labor Day US peeps.
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- I have a brief moment to myself. Could I please ask everyone to pray for my family. Yesterday, my youngest sister gave me full guardianship of all 4 of her kids ages 7, 2 1/2 year old twins and 14month old. I’ve had the oldest and the baby for awhile then she took them back and I got a call from her and she was in the middle of a breakdown. She needed me to take all the kids. Luckily, I had made daycare arrangements for the baby and school arrangements for my oldest niece but had no clue I’d be getting the twins. I mentioned to the baby’s daycare provider I would be needing care for the twins too and she said she could take them as well because she had room for 4 more kids! A true blessing! She happens to be my sisters old daycare provider so it really worked out to get someone trusted! I could’ve never took them all if I didn’t just get the house either. They would’ve ended up in the system and I just can’t have that. I know God is watching out for all of us but it will be an adjustment for my kids as well. I won’t be on much but will try and keep up. I hope you all have a wonderful week!
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23.6 days! My skins suddenly decided it wants to break out in spots… lovely. Im tired alot again at the moment too. Happy to be sober though
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Thoughts for you and many blessings for you and the children. Grateful you have the house and could take them. Hugs. Prayers for you and your family. 
@Complicatedmama
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Firstly thankyou!! I was sooo proud of myself. I knew this would happen and I honestly didnt think id be strong enough to say no. But I did so… I’m great lol.
And I know what you mean about vape liquid I’m the same, my vape is always in my hand, but I left it at work last week so didn’t have it for 2 days…I was climbing the walls for a few hours and then I was fine.
Good luck going nicotine free xx
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You are an amazingly strong woman @Complicatedmama. Taking on your sister’s children is such a selfless act. Sending strength and prayers your way. 
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Day 99!
I got through my first sober wedding!
Lots of af drinks and dancing. Holy cow!!
Sending lovr and hugs to all
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Just checking in. I’m doing great still clean and working hard to keep it that way
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Day 134.
7.27am.
I’m very tired this morning. Out of character tired. Odd. I’m going to blame it on the lollies I consumed last night
I’m due for my 2nd vac today.
Will go for my lake walk first and go see the crew down there. I’m meeting alot more of my neighbours from around the area I live in, coz they see me with the crew at the lake, then they see them at my window, so its a nice point of conversation and alot of people have been striking up conversations with me. Its been interesting. Its been a while since I’ve had regular conversations with regular people when I’ve been clean, and them being non users etc… Regular people arnt avoiding me I’ve noticed, its interesting 
Anyhoo so here is a paragraph from the book I’m reading
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I had a devil in my day… I’m strong but tempted … I’ll explain tomorrow but be safe yall
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Checking in. Day 18. Still doing ok actually. I have my moments but my desire for change is stronger.
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Oh wow, that is a lot, a lot. Sending prayers and strength your way. Those kids and your sister are very lucky to have you. It won’t be easy, but what a blessing that you are sober and can be there for your family. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you in every sense of the word. Hang in there. 
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Checking in sober on day 149… Attitude of gratitude!
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Checking in sleepy and sober. Great day around the house. Felt great to have time to do some cleaning out. I cannot believe some of the clothes and such that I was hanging on to. Watched “A Good 4 Days” and appreciate another look into recovery. Wishing healthy and peaceful nights and days for all.
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Day 87 done. Super stressed with work stuff. I am exhausted.
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Thank you for encouraging me and so many others on here.
I hope you can make it through the cravings! You’ve done amazing to kick the addictions and I feel ya when you have to kind of decide which addiction to focus on. It’s like if you stop one it can trigger the other.
hope you have a great day 
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