You know it man. You move me saying what you say. I know how scary it is when stuff goes right. Like stuff going well only can mean it will go wrong later. Or something like that. But hey, just as long as we do the work stuff will actually improve. Yes. Keep going Mike. Keep working it.
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Thank you Donna, much appreciated!
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@CATMANCAM Thank you so much that means the world to me!
Iām so happy you and your Dad were able to talk. Sometimes just him listening and voicing general concerns out of love are ok. It couldāve went in another direction. Take it as a win and try not to over think it. Thinking of you my friend 
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- Itās been a long day. Work was overwhelming at the end of the day. I feel like everything happens at 4pm right when I clock out
. Then I stress about it and have start working again. I have a huge presentation Iām getting ready for next week and it has my nerves all over the place. Iām always nervous when I have to present. On a good note I finally get to hire a clerk to help me with the everyday details like filing, patient registration and so much more. It will be a huge relief! All the kids went back to daycare today but it was really overwhelming for them and they had a bad day. I feel horrible when that happens. I also got a call from the office of child support about my sister. I told them I didnāt want child support. Iām afraid once my sister finds out sheāll try and take the kids back. I am working to see what I can do if that happens. She did say there is a form I can fill out if I feel they would be in danger. I never wanted to go that route but looks like thatās whatās going to happen. Itās now my duty to keep them safe at all costs. Even if it ruins my relationship with my sister. These kids deserve a safe and stable home. Thank you everyone for your support it means so much to me. Have a good night TS fam
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@MolotovMoxie Congratulations!
@anon53116147 Yes, u do know how to be sober. Just ignore that voice that says āitās just oneā or āfuck itā or āI deserve itā or whatever it is that pulls u under.
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Checking in on Day 8. I did a soft launch of my charcuterie and catering business. I was swamped all weekend and only managed to take a peak at the forum. I am wiped out today - spent the day cleaning out my office and bedroom. I had accumulated a lot of stuff from when I was a grocery broker. I found way more stashed empty beer cans than I realized I had stashed away. I definitely have decided that I have to get this house clean and organized to support my sobriety. It just keeps me in a funk and then I donāt want to do anything. Itās a vicious cycle, mess, depressed, close my eyes to it. Ugh.
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My buddy at work and I probably talk weekly about how the corporate world needs more charcuterie. Your business literally sounds perfect.
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I also have had these same wonders about myself. Recently I started to reconsider what my idea of āfreedom from addictionā actually was. It was the following passage from āLiving Cleanā( pg 21) that sparked my considerationā¦
" Narcotics Anonymous is a bridge to life, and a path we can walk throughout our lives. The gift is freedom. Each level of freedom we experience opens us to a greater freedom beyond, just as each level of awareness allows us to recognize how much we do not yet see. Although we may live very differently from one another, we share the same journey.
So instead ofā¦ " I am still bound by the chains of active addiction even after almost 2 years working my recovery, I still have no freedom. My eating disorder is literally eating me alive!" True statement but SO NEGATIVE! I am adopting this new thought of layers of freedom. I am free from substances, I am free from watching over my shoulder, I am free from an unhappy marriage, I am free from pain today, I am free from so many things that 5 years ago had me held to the ground by my throat. If we can change our perception of life and how our life is playing out, things become more clear and a lot lighter to carry.
I see you struggling, but you are trying, and you are learning. There are so many people who are too scared to even do that. Donāt lose hope; just keep trying new things, and eventually, you will find the magic mix of stuff that works for you. None of us will ever have 100% freedom from this disease. We are all lifers.
Sending love.
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I already knew this, but you and I have so much in common itās funny.
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2Y 0M 25D
After 3 months, Post Deployment, we finally are settling down in our Townhouse. I spent a small fortune (To me) since Iāve been back but we have a roof over our heads and our transportation is secure. Iām going back to work November 1st and am absolutely ecstatic about that! I have many paths laying in front of me and to be honest, I donāt care where I go because all of them will be good, either way.
Iām unpacking now while the wifey sleeps. I constantly remind myself where I came from and where I was, so long ago and I refuse to go back to that. A life of waking up, hungoverā¦ A life of regret and shameā¦ A life of utter disappointment. Now Iām my own Master and no one can tell me otherwise. Because Iām so confident in myself that it doesnāt even scare me any more and that is the best feeling in the 
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I had to google this.
I need to get better at tidying. But with an adhd kid that loves hoarding and a bulk-buying husband it is impossible. I am also lazy. And worried if I put especially work stuff away I will forget something.
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Checking in Day 78 without alcohol. Iām feeling the difference from some other lifestyle changes Iāve made over the last two weeks and that is great. My stress and anxiety is lower than before. Yay! Usually this time of the month my hormonal cycle can put my mind and emotions on a yo-yo but so far Iām doing good. I start with a new therapist tomorrow and Iām looking forward to working with him. I have also usually only worked with women before, but Iām excited and entering with an open mind.
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A year ago today I started my tracker. I reset 15 times before I found the link to the forum and was able to read and learn and find others whose experiences helped me understand how to stay sober. Zoom was my lifeline ā¦ Chris, Conor, Miele, Olivia, Becky, Andy, Andre, Doug, Tomi, Danni, Dan were live and in person pulling me through those first months. My gratitude is profound. I sat tonight with my daughter who ā¦ for the first time in over 2 years ā¦ smiled at me. A real smile. With genuine love and care. As the quote of the day says ā¦ you never know what tomorrow may bring. I never expected tonight. I just try to stay focused on being a better person today than I was when I drank. Which for me means not picking up that first drink ā¦ even when life is shitty, even when my daughter acts like I donāt exist, even when there seems to be no hope. I remind myself constantly ā¦ the one (and in many cases) only thing I can control is whether I pick up that drink. I can control that. And here I am ā¦ on some odd Monday is October ā¦ 8 months of what often felt like hell ā¦ with the help of the forum and zoom ā¦ and my daughter smiled at me! A genuine smile. Maybe there is hope after all. ~
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Late check in had a great day been very busy today got a book signed by my favorite rockstar very much happy about that
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Early check in before work.
Yesterday dinner with friend went very well. He was drinking I wasnāt. I excaly felt normale for not drinking on a evening out.
When I drove home it felt a bit weirdā¦
āhĆØ I am not drunkā 
Have a nice sober day my friends 
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Congrats on your recovery.
That saying in 12 steps that goes ādonāt leave before the miracle happens.ā Itās a sneaky oneā¦ our lives are forever giving us miracles therefore I suppose we should never leave. 
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Congratulations on your 8 months Laraellelarissa. And you got the best gift ever in that smile. Actions over time bring HUGE results at ODAAT. And you are very much worth it.
Iām so happy for you.
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296 days
ODAAT is my fundamental mindset at the moment and its carrying me through this challenging phase of settling into work. All my activities like swimming etc have dropped by the wayside as just so tiredā¦ but set myself a āget a gripā day for next Monday to kick-start my hobbies, as aware they are working parts of my toolbox.
@Mno lovely photo of your nan, mine was pretty special as well, lovely sentiment.
@Dolse71 congrats for completing your steps, you have certainly travelled along way.
@Bomdhil keep going you doing good 
Have a good sober day all 
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