Hi everyone! Day 445 for me and I haven’t posted for ages. I do still check this thread weekly but have been really quiet so thought I’d say hello.
I had the first of my hip replacements 9 days ago so just on the mend from that. It’s painful I’m not going to lie but I’m on the road to recovery before I get the other side done and I can get back to some quality of life where I can walk , go to the gym etc without pain which is all I want.
Still strong on my sobriety although some days are easier than others !
Still miss it sometimes especially on a bank holiday weekend like we have this weekend but it’s a 1 minute play the tape forward that soon reminds me of why I’m here .
Some great milestones on here as usual and some powerful stories.
Have a lovely weekend what ever you are doing 
Way to go on ur 20 days!!! Thats fantastic 
I’m not counting anymore. I’ll update if I relapse but I’m done with this striving to be better shit. Whatever happens happens
Are you OK? I know some people don’t count as they don’t feel it helps. It sounds like you are struggling with it though. Hope everything is OK
I stopped counting a while ago before a relapse because seeing the number grow made me nervous knowing how easy it would be to mess it up. But since I was close to a year clean before, I’ve been counting to try get those big numbers again.
The number isn’t what’s bothering me right now. It’s just the fact that every day I’m barely scraping by without relapse and it feels pointless to keep counting something I know won’t last
Oh no, I am sorry, that sounds so hard. I do understand your logic and how it can be stressful to see the numbers go up. Can you avoid counting, but still keep checking in so you don’t relapse?
I know Saturdays are tough for you. Really hope you have a good evening today and find some peace 
I’m gonna keep checking in. Just don’t know that I’m gonna keep trying as hard as I have in the past to be better. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be ok 
Day 55
I am so sure I will never drink or smoke again. Its easy to say no even in the alcohol aisle.
Nonetheless I am in grief and rage. I still dont relate well to people. Interactions with strangers, roommates, friends, coworkers, family. Always leave me so tense.
Writers block, writers block. Stories in my head.
I wish life was different! But i have coffee. Might watch a movie. Sold 2 paintings and am finishing up more. I can let myself feel ok today. No major decisions until 90 days.
Nice to see you Julie and still going strong 
Enjoy the new hardware. Almost 20 years and my titanium hips are still going strong and pain free.
Best decision I finally ever made. Except for my sobriety of course.
Ah fab ok that’s good to know it works ! Yeah just need to recover for a bit then get the other side done then hopefully get some good quality of life back ! Thank you for that
Day 163,
Just checking in. Have a great weekend.
I actually had that thought when I was drinking it…I have a couple bottles in mail coming and then I might just put them away and focus more on drinks that don’t mimic what I’m trying to give up.
Congratulations!!! Day five was a tough one for me!!! You are doing awesome!
Congratulations on selling your paintings❤️ sorry your not feeling great. I hope you keep sharing and find some peace tonight🙏
Haven’t checked in for a while. Been busy busy busy! Moved house on Wednesday, it’s been pretty chaotic on the lead up with difficult buyers but we have finally made it. And it’s wonderful here.
Saw a sober open mic on at a venue I’ve been following online that I think looks really cool. They do sound baths, kirtan nights, cacao ceremonies and that kind of thing. Was super nervous about going, while I’m fine chatting to anyone once I get going that first bit of going somewhere alone is awkward. Anyway I decided to suck it up and give it a go.
It was nice… But when I walked in this guy was reading something he’d written about a mushroom trip 
and someone else spoke about an acid experience they had. They seemed nice and everything but I must say it put me off a bit. Especially the acid one. Some of the details were a bit funny but overall it was quite sad and I just felt so disconnected from everyone else who was laughing at it.
They have some things there that I would like to go to, so I will give them a go. I guess I was hoping I might find my tribe there… And who knows maybe I will. But honestly the idea of listening to people recounting their tragic drug stories as some kind of enlightened experience just feels so boring to me now. I know that used to be a part of my life and I am not judging anyone in that place. It’s just not where I want to be!
I am so happy to be at a point in my life where the idea of bending my mind with substances seems wholly unappealing. Because I know I can just be me, as I am, and enjoy myself. I know I can be me when I’m some pretty dark places too. I’m not complacent though and while I am not saying I only want sober friends, I don’t want to be around people where that kind of chaos is normal. Where the only way to get through a day is to drown it out with substances, or to only be able to have a good time with chemical enhancement.
I do want to make friends here but there’s no rush. I think in the past I have been so desperate for connection that I have compromised what I want and need which has just ended up with stuff that feels quite hollow. I know I’ve only been here two days 
and there is plenty to be getting on with around the house!
Tomorrow my bf and Mum are going back to get the last few bits from our old place. I am actually really looking forward to a day in the new place to myself, pottering about and doing a bit of unpacking.
Anyway that’s me on day 1,454 
Ooh its so hard once you are in distraction mode. I have no advice just sympathy/ empathy. I tend to find when I really need to get shit done it will happen. But it would be much better to just plug away regularly than that mad rush at the end!
Still holding tight on the sobriety track from alcohol, 2 years feels right around the corner! Earlier this week I started my smoking quit too…on day 5 and feeling good overall. Definitely making some adjustments through the day, but nothing I can’t handle…so glad this quit is going well! Happy Friday!
Day 29
Sober, appropriately medicated (so far at least) me just busted out 2.5 hours of intense yard work complete with shoveling, raking, pruning shears and lots of fun on the side with my son and dog.
We never did this last year because stoned me was too high and busy being fraught with undiagnosed mental illnesses to live a real life.
Admittedly I was trying to cope in ways that were just familiar and that’s not to say I wasn’t trying at all but it was so much extra work and it didn’t do anything good for me in the end.
I will 100% always take this road at this point. I feel like I’m getting a second life. Not rediscovering, but, as I have said before, meeting myself for the 1st time.
Oh YEAHH and I finally installed the bike rack I bought last Spring and couldn’t figure out how to set up! Again, because I was too clouded and unable to deal with basic frustrations; there were simply no coping methods in place.
My husband was incredibly impressed and proud of me doing the thing and almost done with it when he came out to go to work. I felt like Rosie the riveter from those old posters.
I choose this life for myself. I’m still far from complete but damn it feels great to be me already.
Have a great day
What a cute one kitty!
I hope she is getting well soon.