Thank you for your kind words and support, It means a lot to me. 
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Checking In
Day 95
Just had a lovely conversation with my mom. She had an amazing appt with her new psychiatrist yesterday. My mom has struggled with mental health for WAY too longā¦ she is in her 60s now and she is just now being suspected of having Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, and PTSD. I dont think its a full on diagnosis but its a start to finding answers for her. The BPD I was actually expecting bcuz I was diagnosed with it when I was 21 and when we chat or a situation occurs and she talks about it , I can see my thinking and behaviors in her. But of course Iām not a doctor lol. The ADHD was a surprise to hear. And the PTSD was unfortunately caused by me 
She will be taking the same DBT group that I went to like 15 years ago. Iām soo excited for her!! Her mental health has been a huge concern for me. It hurt me when I left the province just over 7 years ago for a fresh start, bcuz I felt like I was abandoning her to the āwolvesā. I was like her little counsellor lol even from a very young age (which looking back was not my responsibility as a child). But she has struggled for 60 something years with mental health and I always knew it was something more than Depression (which was what they initally thought). Her psychiatrist asked her a question, which made me think about it for myself. The question was:
If you imagine your life without these issues in it, what would your life look like?
She said that for her, it would feel empty. And I have been able to relate to that. The issues that were in my life, held alot of āweightā. They consumed my life and left no room for anything else. I feel like if you take away something thatās toxic or hurtful, you need to also replace that space with someone healthier. I felt that when I got clean, I got rid of something painful but initally I didnāt fill that space with anything else. So it sort of left me feeling empty and confused and unsure which led to relapse. When I got clean this time around and got rid of the drugs, I filled that space with my HP full force. So this helped me to understand how when we get rid of something (no matter if it is healthy or unhealthy), that space now makes room for something else. And itās important that we fill that space with something good for our souls. Grateful for sure to have my mom get the help she needs. It really hurt me to see her suffering. I always did what I could to help her from provinces away. But there is only so much I can do. This psychiatrist got her on the right path I feel 
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There sick arenāt they ! I love them 
Iām yet to wear them but they will definitely get alot of use soon 
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Hi Joost! So nice to see you here! 
Weāve missed your way with wordsā¦
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I have it too! Iāve gotten used to it to some degree, it does make it hard to hear people talking. I often fill my house with TV noise just to drown it out. My doctor said itās just an aging thing, but I swear it was from drinking. I remember when it started slowly and on occasion, always the morning after drinking heavily. Then one day, never stopped. For me it sounds like water rushing or loud white noise. I wish there was a cure. 
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Day 38 
the sober things in life weird dreams still
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Iāve never been able to get a password to work 
Every time I use the āsend me a linkā button. Have u tried that? You can just click on the same link every time
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Wow, I learned quite a lot about myself from your post here. Thanks so much for sharing.
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Oh wow thanks for saying that 
I am glad it helped 
DAY 1 Again sorry sad and sick of the booze
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So great to see you back with us Michael
Another cool vinyl too!
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Yeah, I did. Thanks tho.
Itās weird. I can only login from my email (mobile site) using this new account. I canāt login directly from the App.
Itās all good. As long as I am in.
The first time I joined here I also relapsed around day 24 I think it was. Now Iām on day 50 or actually I think itās 51ā¦ so yes you can get back up and do this again and go even further!!! Iām glad you checked in 
. It was difficult for me after my first relapsw here so hang in there. itāll get easier again.
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Thanks Miranda! I feel pretty good about it today, itās something I want. I almost feel I needed to fail so I wasnāt romanticizing what I was missing. Because all I was missing was pouring poison into my body, not feeling great like I wanted. Stayed up late, overslept both mornings (Riley woke me up because I didnāt hear my alarm, sheās relentless about it too), and felt like crap. Iāve mentioned before, youāre the 1st person that responded to me when I joined, so you have a special place . Stay strong and I will always know Iām 50 days behind you! 
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Had a good meeting tonight. had a awesome guest @Englishd and got to walk around and shoot the shit with him for a little, definitely was struggling a little before the meeting and Iām just glad I went. Of course Iām back home to a shit ton of ppl across the street parting there asses off, trying to tune it out and going to sleep hopefully so I can wake my ass up for a hike. Really enjoyed how it was like me and Derek have been talking forever, his knowledge and wisdom is deep and heās not as scary as I thought much love everyone good night
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Scary 
.
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Thatās awesome! I saw a hiking pic @Englishd posted from Tupper Lake and I was going to ask if you guys met up. I love hearing about TS meet ups. Glad to hear heās not scary.
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Lol just playing. See you in the morning man
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Really grateful I got to meet him tonight, it really helped me pull through. I certainly never thought Iād meet another ts friend.
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its a sand bass. thanks.
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