Today isn’t a good day for me like many other days but I stay silent …. The amount of sadness I carry is beginning to ware on me and it shows, I no longer smile anymore and if I do it’s fake… I’m trapped in an extremely unhealthy situation and I’m hanging on by a thread… the thought of a drink comes daily and I haven’t thus far… but I’m petrified for the moment when my pain overtakes me and I give in to drown the emptiness… sorry to be a downer just have nobody no friends no family nothing… so it’s almost unbearable at times…
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Checking is-73 days.
I’m waiting to come out of my funk. I think it’s the combination of the gloomy weather and my brain wanting to be flooded with happy chemicals from alcohol and just not knowing wtf is going on anymore.
@Letthesunshinein you aren’t alone. I hope you can find something, even something small that you enjoy, to make you feel good. I’m with you, the sadness is heavy, but I know it won’t last forever x
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Dont be sorry, you have us 
Im not sure if you meditate but it can really help doing the guided ones. I use you tube ones.
Whenever i feel like this just like you i come here as we all experience similar feelings and similarities in our situations so please dont feel alone 
I hope things start to fall into place for you soon, im glad you reach out here i know how difficult it can be.
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Checkin in day 55 alcohol free. WEED TRIGGER WARNING been feeling pretty meh the last week or so. I haven’t been as productive as I started out to be, I feel myself slowing down. I’m not drinking anymore, and I don’t really even think about it, its just who I am now… but as a result, my marijuana consumption has increased exponentially. Which is most likely why I feel myself slowing down, and less focused like I had been. So I will be focusing on getting that back to where I had it. Without it, I’m an insomniac, have been since I was a child. And sleeping pills (the many ive tried throughout the years) make me feel hungover, and im not a huge fan of pills to begin with so no thanks. Teas don’t work unless I drink a half gallon, then i’m up pissing half the night, defeats the purpose, and melatonin keeps me awake! So I will be leaving the vape alone all day, I just picked it up again so that should be easy (I quit vaping when I quit nicotine over 6 months ago) and just stick to the night time edibles I was doing to accomplish the only goal I use it for. I also haven’t been as involved in this group last week or so either, a part of that laziness creeping in for sure, and just getting in my feelings about it too … feels like I just joined into a group of friends as the annoying little sister no one wants around sometimes. But i’m just being sensitive. Feeling feelings is a strange new road to navigate, insecurities are harder to ignore. The point of this group, for me, is to just have a place with like minded folks to put my crap, that in itself is therapudic regardless of response. It’s carried me this far, and has helped provide me with some tools to recognize a pattern before it becomes a harmful habit, so i’ll stick with it. Have a good day all. 
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Congratulations 
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Checked my timer for the first time in a while. 1,496 days off the booze and 35 days smoke free. Haven’t checked in for a while but wanted to say hi. Great to see some new faces and some familiar ones. Loads of amazing progress to celebrate 
Got a friend round for the weekend and so happy she is here. Had a few difficulties and disappointments in the last couple of weeks. Nothing major but it’s nice to have something good going on. She is sober too so that makes it easy. Will probably do a bit of walking and maybe some outdoor swimming if the weather holds up.
Having had some dips in mood has made me realise that I’ve taken the focus off healing for a while. I think I needed it. Maybe that was healing too in its own way. But time to refocus and find what I need now.
Some of the things I have leaned on in the past aren’t available right now and I am OK with that. Mostly! A good lesson on the inevitability of change, as well as our old friends patience and acceptance. I often think I have understood these concepts and then something comes along to show me how much more there is to learn, ha.
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Amazing.
I think that bacon comes with a built in boundary. I should take lessons from bacon, or maybe Ms. Monkey. 
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Awe girl I’m so sorry ur going thru so much pain at the moment 
is there anything that u can do that brings u some sense of calmness or peace? Sitting in a coffee shop away from what’s bothering u or a nature walk or making ur fav meal or snack or anything? I feel u on the no friends or family part. I don’t have those close to me either. It sucks and I feel alone sometimes too. But u do have us girl! I know it’s exactly the same but u have is to vent n chat to. Praying ur day gets better!
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Checking in
Day 116
Has been an insane day. It’s good hut I’m starting to get worn out. Running my last errand and then home to eat. I haven’t taken care of myself today and I feel it. That’s probably why I’m getting the urge to use. My mind is glorifying drug use in my head. Instead of feeding into the thought, I stopped to ask WHY??? Why am I wanting to use? 1st off hubby and I have alot of excess money lying around. And I’m also experiencing HALT. Hungry… yes. Angry… no. Lonely… no. Tired… yes. And this stems from not taking care of my needs today due to being so busy. I feel like I literally need to schedule breaks for myself otherwise I won’t eat or drink fluids or rest. Then I end up get irritable and worn down and then the urge to use occurs. I’m okay. The urge to use will pass and I’ll be so ever grateful that I didn’t give in. Thanks TS for being here 
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Hey yall happy friday
Going to a baseball game tonight plus fireworks. I went last month and was overwhelmed by all the alcohol and advertising. I wonder if i will feel different with a few more weeks of sobriety under my belt…we shall see
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Thank you @Twizzlers and of course!!! Glad you’re doing well!!
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Day 97
Got less done today than i hoped to. Day isnt fully over though. Dreading going back to work.
All the other times i tried to stop using, I would get sober and look at all my toxic qualities and habits and get so exhausted id use again.
I am a very angry person! Always have been. My mom has a childhood story about me immediately identifying with the word “enraged.” Baseline anger is higher than average, and for sensible reasons. not dealing with it in any healthy way has changed the course of my and others life for the worse countless times.
I dont get urges to use as much as depression and dissociation that make me think, “might as well.” So maybe i am just on my phone all day instead.
Idk. 6 years is a long time to be feeling like this. I dont know if i can hope for a baseline where i wake up with energy and positivity and not already borderline su!c!dal.
Do i expect the next few months to just be hitting a wall?
How do you as an adult change habits that should have been changed years ago?
Thanks for listening and for being this space.
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I like reading this. I think you’re doing great. Keep it up!
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Checking in on day 364. Took the kids on their first roller coaster and log flume rides today. Tomorrow I am going to a wedding. Unavoidable, as it is in support of my wife (her side of the family). I know there will be booze. I have good reason to stay away from it. Many good reasons. I will try to check in here for moral support.
Congratulations @Ravikamor on two years! You’re an inspiration to me!
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Quick check in. 1.5 hours away from 29 days AF. Had a long drive today 7 hours 45 minutes starting vacation. Left the house this morning to some flash floods and we were able to make it through. Some scary and uncertain times through water (don’t ever drive through a flooded road. I learned that lesson today. A big part of my town flooded so prayers to all the families.
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Evening Check in
Day 116
I feel like 100% better now that I ate and hydrated myself lol its just a mild craving to use now (which I think is weather related). I work this weekend. Not particularly thrilled about that. I honestly dont feel like going in. But I don’t really have a choice nor do I have a good reason not to go. Today I got all my ingredients and supplies to make some delicious gluten free cupcakes and brownies for a kids birthday party on the 18th. I’m excited to be baking again. My hubbys coworker is having a bday party for his 2 kids. My hubby is doing magic tricks and I’m baking (not going tho). So that will be nice. And ya the weather is beautiful here. Now all I need is some self care and a good rest and all will be well lol
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Thank you!! 364 days!!! You are doing awesome 
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Hello all - Checking in @ day #42
God bless 
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Checking in Day 5 is complete. Nice easy weekend ahead. Feeling alright. Let’s keep it up! 
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