Day 674
Decent day today. The semester is two thirds done, so the summer vacation seems not so far away. I am keeping up a little better with sobriety work, so that is making me feel good. I have been a bit ditsy with a couple of minor work things, whoops, but going to move on from them. The kids are doing as well as they can.
Day 734 clean and sober today. Got off work yesterday and had an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It wasnāt about anything in particular but it really felt like I needed to cry but it was stuck in my throat and wouldnāt come out. Came on here and got some support and felt better. I love this community and I love you guys. Itās so awesome that weāre all so far apart physically but just a couple clicks away from each other. Grateful for sure. Have an amazing day everyone, love you guys!!! 
Day 268 checking in
Hey all, checking in on day 732. I hope everybody has a good one!
**One more ODAAT **
Iām feeling accomplished today. Two days from my yard sale and Iām on track. Not one bit of waiting until the last minute and throwing it together haphazardly. This even with my health setbacks. Granddaughter and I are doing it to have extra money at the convention for food, Starbucks (always a treat at conventions lol) and I want to get her an awesome five year medallion from a vendor. The heat and high humidity is wrecking havoc on my copd but Iām coping by resting between tasks. 15 days until the convention and Iām really excited. Itās literally been years since I did something exciting for me. Hope everyone has a blessed sober day.
Picture is of the aquariums I pulled out of the garage and cleaned, filled and tested in the heat that almost took me out health wise lol
Day 12. Last Day of teaching 3 classes in one dayā¦.Iām never agreeing to a schedule like this again. Iām getting too old for this. Haha.
Yesterday it occurred to me that I started my āFitness Journeyā 30 years ago this month. āFitness Journeyā in reality translates to Eating Disorder. Thatās when I started working out in addition to all of the hours of dance I was also doing and the Anorexia/Bulimia.
When I think about how I have ended up with an alcohol problem itās funny to me in a way because I was so restrictive as to what I would allow in my body and I did not drink alcohol for years while other people around me did. At some point it became less about the calories and more about the numbing I suppose. I was young and could still go work out for hours trying to sweat it out or restrict my calories for a few days after. In that way Iāve treated alcohol like having a ācheat dayā. This is something I still do or was still doing up until 12 days ago. Not in the way of over exercising and food restrictions, Iāve let a lot of that go years ago, but an alcohol binge day.
Anyway, just more clarity Iām gaining. Clarity used to give me anxiety. Lol Now, not so much.
Have a great day!
Good morning all. Checking in on day 300. Had a great night at the castle dinner date. Iām not one that enjoys being the center of attention or amongst large crowds. I was not informed it would be several other couples there so was immediately ready to take the three hour drive back home. Knowing damn well my wife would be upset I suited up and took part in the festivities. It soon turned to my career AFSC and then I had a million questions being thrown my way and some were even in Afghanistan when my incident took place and actually heard it, small world. Had mixed feelings the whole ride home but knowing that I may have helped some of these guys know they arenāt alone in this battle may have helped so Iām going to try and talk more about personal experiences to those who ask. Their responses to my experiences were not what I expected, they all had the same issues and were supportive and was given more numbers to strengthen my tool belt. Hope everyone is doing well and stay safe.
I was similar in being very careful what I put in my body. I had my body fat ratio and weight exactly where I wanted it. But had zero problem putting literally a poison in my body. Thatās the mind control alcohol has over me and some of us.
@SassyBoomer Just got up myself. Yesterday was ok. I truly appreciate your response. Sometimes I need that hard true to get me grounded again. Thank you.
Hope you have an amazing day
Checking in on day 11! Itās been a busy couple of days as Iām getting my apartment ready for my mom to move in. I hope everyone has a good day 
@Seb Wow thatās some amazing self awareness! Itās incredible how our minds trick us and lie to us and make us believe things in order to drink and use. That piece of information u have now will surely help u I think in ur sobriety 
glad ur feeling a bit better!
@SassyBoomer the convention sounds like alot of fun! Iām really excited about u and ur granddaughter going! Congratulations on her for her 5 years also!! Wow 
@Rockstar24777 glad ur feeling better Rob! Ur right thoā¦ this community is something I have never experienced. U all are just such incredible people! Iām proud to be a part of TS!
@Charlie_C Good luck with all ur meetings today! Hope everything goes smoothly for u!
@anon74766472 I am sorry u had to experience this from someone who doesnāt even know u. I dont know what happened exactly but people donāt realize how words or actions can be truly devastating to oneās mental health. People who feel the need to put someone down or judge is obviously not well. I have in the past being judged also by what I used to do and it definitely can be hurtful. But their opinion truly doesnāt matter. They donāt know u or even have the right to judge u. I really hope tho that u can manage thru this bcuz u deserve to not allow this person or what they said or did to u, have that kind of power over u. You own your feelings. You own your thoughts. You control both. No one has the right to any of itāto any of you without your permission. They cant take any of it from u, they just arenāt that powerful 
Day 526.
Well Itās been a rough few days. I thought I had my plans all set and was ready to go. Already had a uhaul reserved and all. And then shit hit the fan. All my plans came crashing down. I sat with all the bad feelings for a couple of days. And I mean letās be real I had a bit of a pity party. I felt betrayed, abandoned and hopeless. All my things were tied up in this. My job, savings, my kids, my home. I allows myself 2 days. Then I picked myself up. Put my big girl pants on and figured it out. My path has changed but the destination is the same. I just didnāt realize it would be journeyed aloneā¦ bummer. But such is life. āLife on lifeās termsā right. You roll with the punches or you let āem knock you down and keep you down. I figured out the homeless part (I think) solved the job problem. I canāt fix my girls broken heart as easily. But we are working on it. And my savingsā¦ well I made what was left count. And Iām still sober. 
Omg I think this is huge!!! Iām proud of u for staying! I think there was a reason for u being there. U were able to help others have someone to relate to, and Iām wondering also if they helped u in a sense too! Just being able to talk about it and let some of that go with others who understand. What u went thru was horrific and traumatic and I truly think that traumatic events die in the light. Meaning once we bring them to the surface (to the light) and talk about it, they lose its power over us! Iām so glad u stuck it out and stayed and saw something positive about the whole experience.
I beg to differ!!!
How you got through you day was amazing and very smart!!! You used lots of tools and that why you stayed sober. I love that you wrote out a plan for today and the idea of an alarm to read the app is a great one. Yes addiction loves to keep us alone so the more you can participate with others the better. I hope you enjoy the banana bread, and your cravings arenāt as bad today.
Thanks for your post.
I had never made the connection between my eating disorder and addiction until I stopped using substances 2.5 years ago. Hell I had been clueless that I was even an addict until 17 years ago and I have spent 33 years in active addiction. I donāt think Iām a stupid person and I do feel like I catch onto things pretty quickly but the denial aspect of this disease isā¦ wow.
Itās only been about 2 months that I have been doing better with my ED, where I have been able to let the obsession go and overcome most of the urges. My behavior got VERY bad at about 9 months substance free it was as if my addict went through my addictions to see where they could settle in comfortably. It happened without me even realize it and itās been an absolute bitch to deal with. I mean we can all attest to our addicts wanting to kill us and starving me was no exception.
I know that you say that you havenāt had issues around restricting or ED type behaviors for a while but just be aware that old thinking patterns or old rituals donāt start happening again to replace your drinking.
I remember at my 1 year sobriety date and people were congratulating me on my freedom from addiction. My mind was still swarming with intrusive thoughts and obsessing from the minute my eyes opened until I fell asleep. I had been blessed with freedom from obsessive thoughts of booze at about 5 months sober and then the eating disorder thoughts had soon started. I literally wanted to say āFUCK IT!ā because I was exhausted and I felt like I had lost the war, but I didnāt, I kept going. I am grateful for that!!!
You are 100% correct. I went through exposure therapy for a month straight. Recorded countless horrible events into a tape recorder in my own voice, as detailed as I could remember and listened to it every night when I slept, this was sanctioned by doctors hahaha. Was a horrible month but allowed me to talk about it. And just seeing the relief in someone elseās face when they arenāt the only one with the cognitive problems like slow speaking or stuttering or fumbling on words, well I canāt really think of the word for it but it was relieving for all of us. And I slept for nine hours last night. I canāt remember the last time Iāve got more than 5 in the last almost year of my sobriety.
Checking inā¦
900 x 24 = 21606 hrs.
That is a few one day at a times, and somedays I still go hour by hour.
Wow girl!!! Nice number 
Really proud of you and how far youāve come! All that hard work youve put in! Hugs hugs hugs 
Thank you! I have thought about it, that my ED may kick back in. Itās always a possibility. I think I am pretty far removed from it now. Working in a Yoga studio and no longer in the Gym or Boot Camp scene is very different. Iām not as defined by my weight. The majority of people and students I have encountered come to Yoga or start a Yoga practice usually for reasons other than weight loss. Itās been a good environment for me.
However, if someone indicates they are interested in weight loss my GM, who is also my friend, always pushes Intermittent Fasting. She did this program and thinks itās amazing. I, of course, think itās bullshit. For a while it was really pissing me off. I donāt feel that should be brought in to a Yoga studio. Iāve had to just accept she just doesnāt get it, like at all. I think she thinks sheās helping people. Iām picking my battles with that.
Beastly digits. Congrats! Cool profile pic btw.
Thank you for all your posts. Theyāve helped me with my journey. You make a difference. Glad youāre here.
