Yay Stella! You’re the sweetest person and I adore you. Always there for us… 
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Yes!!! Congratulations!!! I’m soo happy for u! Really hoping this is a better fit than ur old position. When is the move?
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@Its_me_Stella Congratulations on those fantastic numbers lovely lady 
@DryIn785 that’s really positive news Mark! My toes and fingers are all crossed for you!
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Hi Kat here end of Day 3.
First of all, thank you for all the messages of support here on this forum! It means everything to be forgiven for relapsing and on the new road with all of you.
I got to spend the day with my ex and 4 boys at an amusement park. So exhausted. A couple of times during the day I had a wish for stimulants of some kind, but they passed. I knew I was not going to use no matter what.
I did feel a bit down and sad still, I think because of relapsing. I told myself that maybe these feelings were my Higher Power’s way of trying to teach me to fear and respect the risk of relapse in the future so as to feel the joy of recovery not the agony of having failed once again.
I had a great conversation with a resident at my family Dr’s office. She was kind and totally non-judgemental as I told her of the relapse, a bit (rightly) concerned at the amount of benadryl. She asked good questions about addiction and understood that I might not phone my sponsor before using because the disease wants me to use and not be stopped.
Guys I have so much support in this. NA. This Forum. At least 3 doctors. My new therapist. There is hope for me and I have to believe that one day I will be free of active addiction.
Ok time to sleep. Love you all with all my 
Kat
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Evening Check in
Day 122
I had an overall good day today. Lots had to be done tho. I really tried to focus on kindness when speaking to others. I wasn’t completely successful with this. I HATE being a mean person. I don’t even know where this is coming from. Honestly tho I do feel angry inside. I think my tolerance for people is very low and I’m also experiencing anger for certain people in my past. One person is my ex who was extremely abusive and then the others are certain men that I saw in the sex trade. I have such a hate for the men that did horrible things to me and a hate for myself for being “that” woman who was involved in breaking up some families (not by my choice as initally didnt know about their wives and kids but im disgusted with myself. That money and time and attention shouldve been to their families and not me). I am disgusted (and that’s putting it lightly). Maybe the layers of the onion are being peeled away now. Idk. And i honestly think im passing off my inner anger to anyone who even slightly pisses me off. And thats not right. I don’t swear or call people names. But I am very short and blunt and cold and just have such an attitude. I am completely clueless as to why this week has been like this! I am normally such a sweet woman for the most part so like what is going on?! I did apologize to the woman I spoke to on the phone when she said I didn’t have to be rude. I made that amends and explained why I was frustrated and that it wasn’t her fault directly in the matter. I would’ve never apologized for the way I spoke before so I guess that is a WIN. I chatted with hubby about it and of course I start tearing up bcuz I hate myself like this. I had a shower after our talk n then worked on some baking. Finally finished the cupcake toppers and I also made 4 different flavors of buttercream (peanut butter, vanilla, raspberry, and chocolate). Chocolate ganache was also made and ready to go for a filling for one of the cupcake flavors. That calmed me. Will get some rest and try to be a better person tmrw. At least I’m clean and sober 
Hope everyone is having/had a great day!
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I really hope someone has an answer to your question, as I became the biggest bitch with zero tolerance when I stopped drinking. I went from sweet, I will do anything you say lady, to hell no and move the F out of my way 
I sat with this for a long time as I did not like who I was becoming. What dawned on me, was I was learning to set boundaries, but really did not know what it was called. When I figured this out, things balanced and I took it down about 10notches. Right now I am not longer snappy, and I do a lot of deep breathing.
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Thank you for sharing. Progress not perfection. I think making amends right there when the lady called you out was progress and it seems youre doing a lot of self learning and reflection which is healthy and helps to understand why you are acting out. Im proud of you and all your days of sobriety. You add so much to this forum! Have a good night
Ps. Those cupcake toppers look very professional! Amazing work!!
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Checking in at the end of day 370. Have a good day / night / morning wherever you are.
Congratulations @Its_me_Stella on 900 days!!
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I think you’re doing great Dana. You’re showing a lot of self reflection and restraint. I have a hard time with people for a different reason. I was homeless when I got to Kansas, and I was robbed, bullied and insulted on a regular basis. I’m just anxious around people. I realize now that those people were in my life only because I allowed them; the real problem is forgiving myself for being an idiot.
Anyway, keep up the good work! (And the cupcake toppers look great!)
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Day 1321 here.
Thank you all for your words yesterday. I think I managed it well in comparison to what my old coping strategy would have been. A bottle of wine drowned in an hour or so. I cannot imagine this anymore. I am grateful for this. I think what is most important is to admit that I made a mistake in the past that I cannot change today. What is done is done.
So, this morning I’ll try to go for a run before it’s too warm and then go to work. This is already a quite challenging change in my routine as my brain somehow stresses when I am not in the office by 6 am. Not today. 
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Day 2 no booze!
Worked all day and been sweating lots. Managed to get out shop and home with out drinking. I slipped up on the cigarettes…went all day and then bought a pack…This morning was really good for me thinking about how bright my future will be if I stay sober and kick the butts… Anyways better get to bed…I woke up off the couch after a nap and it was soaked with sweat.will be nice when that stops.😮💨
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Hollidays are an enormous trigger for me.
So, after three days in Rome with my son - five more to go, wish me luck you guys (oh, I KNOW it sounds selfish, it probably is; what with people all around the world dying of hunger, the wars and all the misery there is, I am nagging although I managed to put away some money for a more than decent and comfortable vacation, but lately he’s been having some nightmares… not really nightmares… the terror of going to bed, especially if I fall asleep before him, and I made the HUGE mistake of taking the trip nevertheless… so now I’m here with major headaches, not being able to get more than 2-3 hours of sleep at night - it takes time for him to take the melissa and tilia drops, do our new ritual of “counting” all the people who will be still awake when he goes to sleep, and then I get to get 2-3 hours max, because my brain wakes me up at dawn etc.)
I don’t function when I am this tired (I was VERY tired for 4-5 days before we got here). I am confused and depressed. Yesterday I bought a small bottle of wine and a limoncello to relax me after we get to the hotel. I felt as if they were burning in my bag, making me feel more miserable and uneasy. Realized I didn’t want to do it. Chucked them into the bin. I actually have a bottle of wine in the minibar , but don’t even notice it. So, at least something to be not proud of, but… just a tiny, tiny bit secure of myself.
Sorry for the confusion, but… my head is in a bubble 
If someone here has any experience with this fear of sleeping, could you please give me some advice? I’m going to contact a child psychologist as soon as we get back home.
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Checking in day 51. Back in my hometown for my sister’s wedding. So far so good. Wedding activities start tomorrow. Today went fishing with an old buddy and our wives. They offered booze and I told them I was off of it. They were both surprised and happy for me. Feels like it is getting easier to say no… anyways golf and rehearsal dinner tomorrow and I have a speech. In the past I have made an ass out of myself at weddings that I have been in and given speeches. This time I actually planned it out, it’s from the heart, and I’m not that worried about it. Still will be happy when this weekend is over, as it is my first real test with alot of old drinking buddies. Anyways day 51 in the books. Another day starts in the morning. Goodnight and hope everyone has a great weekend.
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Checking in, day 62. Have a great day/night all.
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Hi everyone old and new, if your old I’m still doing it and if your new I never believed I could.
Be kind to yourself - You Deserve It.
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All I can say is that I am happy to see you, that if you’re not proud you should be and I certainly am of you, and for sleeping I can’t say much more than give you some general sleep hygiene tips that you already know. For me the most important one is to not watch my phone at night. Bought myself a little alarm dab radio. Helps. I wake up less. Anyway, hope you enjoy some of your holiday over there. Rome is awesome!
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Good morning everyone, I hope that you are all doing well today. Here in northern Italy, it is going to be (and already is) a damn warm day. It will probably get up to 33 or 34 degrees. Being originally from Canada, that is too hot for me.
Anyway, I am once again creeping up on a whole “one week”… It’s not much to speak of in comparison with people here who have been sober for months or even years, but it’s still progress. It’s actually quite amazing how quickly you start to feel better in various ways without all of that alcohol sloshing around in one’s system.
In any event, I should get to work. I hope that you all have a nice day, sober and enjoyable with your families.
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1105
Coffee. My throat and head are still messy. But the fever is gone so that’s a great gain. Especially as it’s going to be in the thirties here too today (that’s in to the 90’s for you yanks) and I still have to stay in. I’m getting really bored.
It could be much worse though. I could still have the idea that alcohol would help me deal with the heat. Warm weather was always a cue to drink even more. While any fluid is good for hydration -even coffee- EXCEPT anything that contains alcohol. That has the exact opposite effect. All alcohol tells us is lies.
Never again. I’ll remain sober and clean one day at a time as it’s the only way for me to work on a better happier life. As it is for us all or we wouldn’t be here. Have a good one all, or at least as good as you all can. Love from my place.
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Massive congratulations @Its_me_Stella
About to enjoy a sober Friday night movie.
Congrats to everyone on another sober day. Gender reveal party tomorrow for my first Grandchild, just a bit excited. Have a great weekend everyone.
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Awww yay how exciting Grandpa-Seb-to-be!!! Hmmm that’s sounds too old for you! Do you know if you’re going to be Pop, Poppy, or…?
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