Thank u for the nice compliments. I sometimes feel like I’m too emotional when I do check ins tho. I’m either super grateful and happy and upbeat one sec and then frustrated and overwhelmed and sad the next haha. Ive actually wondered what people think on here when they read my check ins lol I try for 2 check ins a day and sometimes it’s literally “verbal diarrhea” lol I just spew it all out 
lol but today is good and I’m also so happy you see ur days increasing too!! Uv learned soo much and have really grown in ur redovery since u came back I feel.
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@HeyImKris I know it is so hard to do - but try and move forward without shame and with love for yourself. Even actions we see in a negative light have a space to be held with compassion and forgiveness inside of ourselves. Part of moving forward and finding our true selves again means accepting our past actions and using them as stepping stones as we move forward. You are not alone.
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Hey Eric, how did today go? Maybe you’ve already checked in somewhere else on the forum, haven’t read too much today. I hope your feeling better today! 
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Checking in on day 24
I had a messy day at work today, I came back from my weekend, and there was a lot of stuff on my desk, and the effin phone didn’t stop ringing! Tomorrow morning I have to give a hand at reception (not a fan of first line face to face with customer work… 
), but otherwise my colleague would be alone. Just the check-in of a tournament, after that I’ll be at my desk again. And after that, I’ll be one week on holidays! 
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Congratulations ! 800 days is amazing !
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Aww thanks Jenny, You’re too kind.
And thank you too Flannery @moonchild7994 and @DryIn785 Mark. And Claire @Claire_Quit
I had a great gratitude revelation on the gratitude thread this morning. I’m glad I put my feelings out here before bed last night and did a nice bedtime meditation about Letting Go.
45 years of drinking and squelching those dang feelings will get to me sometimes. It’s this darn codependency. I think I been taking it out on my wife for the years and years I’ve been surrounded by loved ones who were addicts. All the way back to when my Irish grandfather 
would take me to bars at the beach and in Boston. He was great to me. He didn’t get me drinking or anything. But it probably wasn’t the best environment for a child. And he was a ragging alcoholic and my mother had to deal with stuff she never should have had too. So she raised me as a child of a codependent…… I don’t know. It’s crazy how alcohol affects so many people in so many ways.
Here’s my gratitude post today if your interested.
@Laraellelarissa
I was going to check in later. Wouldn’t leave you all hanging like that.
Thanks again TS for all the support.
Alcoholism.
Cunning, baffling, powerful disease.
Oh and I got my Al-Anon meeting tonight. Looking forward to it.
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Day 143
Today I woke up with fragile intentions to keep doing better, but a strong urge to backslide again since I pinched a muscle 2 days ago doing a pretty intense yoga pose without stretching and warm-up.
Despite knowing better, I’m impatient when it comes to that sort of thing. Needless to say I learned my lesson.
I was having a mini pity-party about it, until today when I remembered someone posting here a couple days ago about keeping it up without excuses.
It was a passing thought but enough to get me on track again, and I did the morning routine and had a great, no-conflict time getting the kids to school.
The fragile intentions became my empowered mindset again, and I rerouted from what would’ve been a quick return to the depression hole I just got back out of. I’m proud of myself.
I also looked up if running helps relieve back pain and such, got a lot of yes answers, so went for it and just finished a one hour run on my elliptical. The pain is gone!
I listened to Joji for the whole hour (lol), enjoyed realigning my thoughts, and felt great again. It’s good to be the master of my own decisions as I keep learning more about myself and my triggers, etc.
Going to meditate & journal then get the kids from school and make blt’s for dinner (yeass).
My day became a great one bc I paused, considered defeat or success, asked what I wanted, and listened to my better judgment after taking time to think.
This isn’t a humblebrag post or anything; just feels cool to be able to recognize and trap those patterns, then actually engage the therapy/recovery tools I’ve learned. It’s cool that I could make my day a good one.
Thanks always for the great community here, it’s amazing how much of a difference this place and the common threads of recovery help.
Have a great day all
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I am trying to go to a meeting that is right by my parents house but my disease is making excuses. I am missing my normal home group meeting and I think it’s a good idea to just go and talk about what I need … I don’t want to walk there but I don’t want to ask my mom for a ride . It’s .6 miles from my parents house so not far but yeah I am making excuses…
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Another disappointing day, not achieved my goals, but did eat food. Try again tomorrow x
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Congratulations on your 800 days of freedom Nordique. That’s what we’re talking about!!
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Checking in, just wrapping up day 5 without a drink! I haven’t made it past day 4 for a few years, feeling good about this round.
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@Butterflymoonwoman I had this song in my head regarding earlier conversation. if you have 5 minutes to chill, it’s a beautiful song. She’s Canadian; Ontario I think.
@Piglet86 I made those tacos I mentioned earlier. Didn’t know warming up the taco shells made them wilt. Ended up breaking them so I had to make a “taco sandwich” with the two halves. 
Still, though: tacos!
Exactly how my day went, but tomorrow is another opportunity. 
Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde that said “Hell is other people”?
Day 15
Pretty good day. Case mgr. stopped by. We dropped off my lease renewal so I have my place for another year, assuming I don’t screw it up. We also stopped by God’s Storehouse and I got to pick out some clothes that actually fit. I really hate the weight that I just gained out of nowhere. I was already out of shape, and just suddenly swole up. And exercise ain’t easy because of mobility and breathing issues.
I got a job today, I think. They’re placing the full time people on the schedule first, and putting part-time people to fill in the gaps. It could be two weeks before I start, but I really can’t go that long without an income.
Worst thing that happened today? Found a $100 bill, which naturally turned out to be fake. 
So I’m gonna clean up my taco stuff and wash some dishes and maybe get a movie in. Have a great sober night, friends! 
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Day 171
The days really add up!
Did not set the timer to tidy before bed last night. Was exhausted and miserable.
Had dark angry thoughts for too long today. I need to take the largeness of them and have my calm and self parenting be even larger. They are so scary.
The dark angry thoughts can float on downstream. They wont fuck up the loving parts of my heart, they wont fuck up the good i want for people. They cant affect my behavior and ruin my life or anyone elses. They can go into FICTION and stay there.
I hope in time that tidying, being good to the people in my life, having responsible habits, the darkness will break apart within the solidness of my new life and be less overwhelming. I know who I want to be in 10 years.
Ill set the timer today. Ill watch the finale of a show i like. Maybe watercolor.
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Day 311 AF
What’s good, fam.
Been busy with work and the kiddos. Went to the beach over the weekend, and my wife and I had a quiet 16 year anniversary. Still sober and that’s what matters.
I tried quitting coffee, but got a nasty headache. Can’t drink too much cuz then I get heartburn. This sucks. I was eating unhealthy again, chips, fast food, soda. All that shit. It got to me. The binge eating helps with the stress, but I gotta change my ways. It’s crazy tho, haven’t gain any weight. I am 132, 130. Sobriety got me starving. I don’t know about yall, but I am always hungry af.
Anyways, I’m glad I’m still sober. The fam and kids are healthy.
Have a great day/night everyone!
Take care. Peace.
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Soooo I have heard Loreena Mckennitt. 
She is from Canada… very much sings like a Celtic vibe. I’m sort of in awe actually and plz don’t think this is creepy. But I used to listen to her alot and alot of other celtic type music. Before drugs and my mental health took a turn for the worse at age 15, I used to actually do Irish dancing on stage at this thing called Folklarama. I practiced a few of my routines to certain songs of hers. Idk if u have anything like Folklarama in ur area. It happens like once a year. And it basically is a huge event that lasts for days n days and diff cultures have their day basically to show off their cultures dance and their food and music. It’s really cool. Anyway I used to dance in Folklarama and I remember being like 13 having to wear this beautiful stitched dress and the top was made of green velvet (VELVET!!!). Here I am dancing with others and I’m getting severe heat stroke from dancing under the spotlight in a room packed full of people. I actually got really ill. I still know a few moves of Irish dancing to this day… just too out of shape to do them without huffing and puffing haha but anyway… I loved ur song that u posted it reminded me of my childhood and then also reminded me of how much I like her music. I totally forgot about her. Just really weird that u posted a video of hers, of all singers that u could’ve posted. Just amazed me thank u!!! Also… im super happy that u have ur place for another year… what a relief I bet. And then getting clothes and a potential job! That’s all good stuff!!! Wish that $100 was real tho lol that would’ve been a rare find have a great evening Mark!
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Day 12
Today was ok besides customers be extra needy at work today which caused me to not get as much work done as I would’ve liked. My uncle wedding is in 4 days and I’m still debating if I’m going or not. I will be 16 days AF and still not sure if it’s good to attend. But not sure which one of y’all gave me the advice of going and leaving before the reception began but whoever it was thanks because that’s probably what I’m going to do. My car is fixed now and only cost me $55. I’m grateful cause it could’ve been way worse. Glad I didn’t stress about it. My brother picked me up from work today. He’s a lil over a month alcohol free. We probably going to go to this juice bar tomorrow to find some healthy drinks that’s healthy and gives us energy cause I’m always feeling tired since I stopped drinking. I also need to get back in they gym. Boredom is what caused me to drink and I don’t want to slip up just cause I’m bored so I’m trying to figure out what I like doing. It’s crazy how I allowed alcohol to take over my life for so long. Well I’m about to shower and get the kiddos ready for bed. Everyone have a great night❤️
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@Butterflymoonwoman Hi Dana, I thought you’d like that. The whole discussion of crystals made me think of it. We don’t have anything like Folkarama, but it sounds cool. If you have 15 minutes, this song is even better, possibly her best:
@Piglet86 Still working on getting patches. Pain in the arse, waiting is. Salmon and Brussel sprouts actually sound good. (Yes, I really like brussel sprouts!)
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Hi @Piglet86 ~
Thank you so much for thinking of me. Well…my wife and daughter will be staying in Michigan until my daughter graduates from high school. So……2 years! Sigh….
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