Checking in on day 23
Today I had a good day. I finally didn’t cancel my appointment with the therapist (already wrote about it this morning) and the session was not easy, but very helpful. I’m proud of that.
This afternoon it was cloudy, and I decided to go to the gym instead of the pool. For some reason (heat is one of them) I had not been going in the past 6 weeks, and I’m happy I broke the ice again and finally went back! Caught up on the burpee challenge, and finished 11 rounds, which is a personal record. I’m not competitive at all, it was something I wanted to achieve for myself, to see some kind of progress, I’m not comparing to others.
All in all I’m positive, and feeling very good today. 
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Day 73
Feeling sad and flat today. Not washed or dressed today. Just when I think I’m on the up…
Disappointed
Still sober and got lots to look forward to so trying to keep things in perspective. A bad day doesn’t have to be a bad week. See what tomorrow brings x
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Congratulations on 16 months that’s such a great achievement 
I’m keeping it short today and doing more reading so il congratulate you all now 
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Checking in
Day 189
1st off… I shouldve meditated today. I didn’t but will definitly meditate tmrw… no excuses. My anxiety is abit high right now.
My son had another accident at school. I got a call earlier from his teacher. He was riding their 3 wheeled bike and he was going too fast. The teacher apparently told him to slow down & either he didn’t listen or he lost control… resulting in him tipping the bike over and hitting his head on the ground. This is the 2nd head injury he has sustained in 1 week at school. I honestly dont think they are used to having kiddos that are that fast. He may not walk or run well but give him any type of wheels and he GOES!!! He says he has a headache. But there’s no bleeding or vomitting etc. I called oncology and asked them for advice as this is his 2nd injury to the head and we were concerned about his brain tumor. The only thing we need to watch for is concussion. I gave him some Tylenol and he is seeming to be okay. But I am getting frustrated honestly. He is not accident prone so it’s hurting me to see him hurting. Thankfully he is still enjoying school! And he has gained so much strength in his legs from all this exercise. But why he wasn’t wearing a helmet, I found out is bcuz they don’t have helmets there 
Yet he was still placed on one. So we will be buying a helmet for him before he goes on the bike at school again. Other than this, my day has been fantastic! Just need to meditate 
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Oh man Dana, I was getting anxiety just from reading that. I can imagine how you felt. I’m glad he likes it though. Give him an extra hug from me! 
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Checking in day 113. Im struggling with feelings of not good enough. Mondays just arent my days apparently. The desire to just say fuck it and drink is strong but i know that will only lead to me beating myself up more…
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Awe thank u!!! I absolutely will! The Tylenol really seemed to help. But he does have a bump growing on his head now bciz of that fall. I feel helpless bcuz I only have so much control. I can control the environment around him when he’s home, but at school I never know the full details or who is watching him or what was going on. Like I ask questions but I’m hearing one person’s perspective on this. And then of course my sons story as well. I am truly not concerned about abuse happening. They are very well known school and everyone just raves over them. And I do not get a vibe whatsoever of neglect or anything. But I always keep my eyes open and ask questions of course
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He’s just playing like a little boy, 
I think that he’s happy is a good indication of how it is there too.
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@Its_me_Stella 16 months is wonderful! Congratulations!
@Butterflymoonwoman Believe me Dana, I am not at all trying to minimize your anxiety, but I have to agree with @DLS boys just play like that. I know when I was a kid, recess wasn’t complete until someone needed a tetanus shot. Seriously, though, I’m happy he’s loving school.
Day 14 - I made it to 2 weeks! (Again) Yippee! 
Mostly a lackluster day, but I did get out early and move around a little bit. And I got a nice surprise in the afternoon. I’d forgotten Brian, my Peer Support, was coming by at 12:30. He’s part of my MH team, and his job believe it or not is simply hanging out with me. Sure, he asks about my depression and anxiety for his notes, but we mostly just hang.
So, I guess I’m going to make dinner and find something on TV. Everybody have a great sober evening. 
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Today is my fourth day. It’s a Monday night. Last Thursday night, I got drunk and held a knife to my neck and chest. Police officers and medics had to drag me out of my house. I’m already extremely depressed without alcohol. With alcohol, it’s so much worse and now I have another traumatic memory to deal with. I’m so ashamed of myself and I hate the life I’ve made for myself.
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@DLS @DryIn785
I appreciate you both so much for saying that too. It’s true tho… boys do play like that. He races everyone all the time. And he does play rough sometimes. I know I’m over serious and cautious. I try not to be too much bcuz kids learn by mistakes made. It’s not fair to him to shelter him. Even tho he has had 2 injuries, I have seen alot of growth in him since he’s started school. So there are positives also. He loves school and I’m happy that he looks forward to going everyday
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I wanted to really wish a huge congratulations Mark on 2 weeks! I really appreciate you and the genuine care u have for so many people on here… always showing support and giving suggestions and just being a huge part of TS. I’m sooo freakin proud of you!!! Hope ur night is amazing my friend 
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18D
Kept myself busy today. Washed clothes, did some mechanic work on the vehicles and got a free desk through the FB store. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking through out today, centering myself. Why did I go back to drinking? I fooled only myself into thinking I was alright to do so. What woke me up from that state of foolishness was when my wife said something I once said to my ex wife.
I’m not going to completely isolate myself like I did before (though it worked lol). I have more responsibilities, obligations and commitments to fulfill. It’s safe to say, I’m just a tad bit more wiser for it.
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Just a couple more hours til day 2 is over. I can do it. Looking forward to the week mark.
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Awww… you’re sweet. I’m blushing again! 
You have a great evening, too!
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Hey welcome to the forum. Your situation sounds very overwhelming and scary, im sorry youre really going through it 
Day 4 in these circumstances is a big deal! Please give yourself a real chance and stay sober each day…if you dont know what a worthwhile life for you looks like, give yourself time to find it. It is possible. Keep posting and reaching out.
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Such respect 
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Great job Twinnie!!
You. Are. Amazing!!
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Great job on your 14 days Mark and thanks for the congrats on mine. I just want to add that the change I have seen in you and your presence on the forum in the last while is amazing. You are really engaged, and you seem to be in a better place, it’s just so great to see.
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Hello friends. Checking in on day 437 sober. Listening to the breeze rustling the birches outside my window. Worried about the future. Good luck to everyone.
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