Today feeling even worse. All this time I have very bad appetite. A little nausea time to time. Feeling tension in muscles and all kind of other unpleasant feelings. Brain fog all the day. Eyes feels dry and hard to focus. Just back from shower and I was feeling like about to have a panic attack. Can’t say it is something to be worry about, but I did not had similar feelings for years now ( as far as I remember). At one moment I started to think I need to have a little bit of alcohol just to ease these abstinence symptoms, but better to shake it off faster and move forward. It’s day 3 already and I think tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow will be better. And day 5 will be better than that. My first few days were absolute shit. Adding a little alcohol is only gonna prolong the process. Stay hydrated, try to eat, even light exercise like stretching. Maybe take some melatonin tonight to help you sleep. Hang in it gets better. This could be the last time you have to feel like this
1047 days without gaming
3 days without technology abuse
I always seem to think I’m a changed person after a few days of doing something better. Often, big steps are temporary and I’m disappointed in myself when I inevitably screwed up again. So much so that I don’t realise I took 10 steps forward, but only 9 steps backwards.
Where stepping backwards is inevitable, so is progress. I’ve changed so fucking much for the better over the last years. But I barely realise it since I’m focused on the losses.
Right now, I feel I’ve flicked a switch. I accept that my best and perfection aren’t the same. I am no longer nearing that burn out I was creeping towards.
But thinking this way is dangerous. I have to be vigilant. Otherwise my hurt and the damage it causes will be exponentially bigger.
-If I expect to succeed and fail, it will hurt like hell.
-If I expect to succeed and do so, it won’t feel huge.
-If I expect to fail and do so, the pain will be smaller.
-If I expect to fail and succeed, I’ll be fucking proud.
Expecting to lose, or staying vigilant is the best choice. So I should. Best offense is defense kinda thing.
But I won’t repress the joy that I’m temporarily doing good. Enjoy it while it lasts ya know.
Next step, actually applying all this instead of writing it and forgetting about it
Have you ever heard of insight timer? Its a free meditation app that you can download to your phone. There are so many useful meditations, lots for anxiety, you can just search for whatever you like. I have been using it for a while and it is one of the biggest tools in my recovery. Even doing a small 5 minute grounding meditation can center us when we are feeling messed up. Eric suggested this one for anxiety the other day, maybe you would like to try it.
Day 121
Bit of a weird one this evening. Feeling sad and full of regrets. I’ve wasted so much life and done so many terrible things. Not feeling good or proud of myself right now. Hoping this passes quickly and doesn’t turn into a heavy cloud.
X I don’t know why I feel this way now. I’ve been doing lots of productive stuff today but lying in bed and got smacked with a load of negativity nearly finished day 5 no cigarettes, maybe that has something to do with it? I don’t understand it really x
Day 61. Had a great day for yesterdays milestone. Scrubbed the bathroom and toilet lol. But my son baked me a .
We bought a smart tv ,set up the Xbox and spent the arvo killing each other n eating cake:joy: life is beautiful
Major congratulations and thank you for coming here to share with us! I love seeing folks stick around and bring updates that show long term sobriety is possible. Well done!!!
@Hayleylujah Ruminating on the past changes not one jot. I also wish like hell that I had done this, or not done that. But that leads to wishing your life away because you are not thinking about now.
Evening Check in Day 237
Feeling pretty accomplished today. I had a long list of things to do. Probably wrote out too many tasks but amazingly got most of it done!! Got my steps in bcuz I had to walk to the grocery store for Thanksgiving dinner tmrw due to the trains not running thru downtown. Came home, ate lunch and gave my boy his feed, then took my son out for a wagon walk thru the park. Brought a blanket with us so he can sit down on the ground and play with the beautiful fall leaves. Got some amazingly cute photos Then home to do up 6 loads of laundry. Lots of towels, clothes, hubbys work clothes, and the bedding etc. Did dishes. Now Im currently waiting for our supper to be made at this pizza place. Gonna eat supper while my boy has his supper feed. Give him a bath before bed and then relax with him until he falls asleep. There was only 1 slight urge to use. I caught myself sort of glorifying drugs in my head. When hubby came home with his money from his tattoo, he was counting it and it sort of triggered me. But I wouldnt go thru with it obviously. Just remembered how far I came and what I have in my life today bcuz of my recovery. Life is too good!! Anyway, hope everyone is having a good day/evening. Hugs TS fam!
Day 23 almost in the books. Feel better than I’ve felt in, well, probably ever. Skipped out on a hunting trip usually filled with drinking all weekend to instead go hiking and to a science museum with the family and then a family game night. Best decision I ever made. My friend who is not much of a drinker anyways but is doing sober October, brought over some Topo Chico (sparkling mineral water) and I tried that for the first time and I actually really enjoyed it. I drank a few of them and woke up very hydrated. Haha. I hope y’all are all having an amazing weekend. I couldn’t have got this far without y’all. Honestly. God bless.
Hey, all I’m back. Felt myself drifting away from the group which of course didn’t end well. At least nothing bad happened this time other than having to reset. Don’t remember if I shared this news, but I got hired on the spot for the job I interviewed for. Can’t start until my background check clears, but I’m trying to go to bed earlier so I’ll get used to waking up at 6am again. The whole highlight of my day was doing laundry. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day.
Happy Thanksgiving to all our Canadian friends!
(BTW: I actually believed, up until last year, that “Boxing Day” was about the sport.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with those tough feelings. I think we all get the regrets at times. I get the shames. Just overwhelming waves of shame sometimes for Literally no reason. Like a shame wave hits me but it’s not tied to anything I’ve done recently or in the past. For me it usually means I’m EXHAUSTED. If I just let myself sleep for as long as I want (which I know is not always a feasible thing to do) it resets my brain. I tend to do do do do to burnout and I’m not great at sleeping anyhow. Shame is the first sign I’m about to power down wether I want to or not lol
nearly finished day 5 no cigarettes, maybe that has something to do with it? I don’t understand it really x
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Evening Check in 
Then home to do up 6 loads of laundry. Lots of towels, clothes, hubbys work clothes, and the bedding etc. Did dishes. Now Im currently waiting for our supper to be made at this pizza place. Gonna eat supper while my boy has his supper feed. Give him a bath before bed and then relax with him until he falls asleep. There was only 1 slight urge to use. I caught myself sort of glorifying drugs in my head. When hubby came home with his money from his tattoo, he was counting it and it sort of triggered me. But I wouldnt go thru with it obviously. Just remembered how far I came and what I have in my life today bcuz of my recovery. Life is too good!! Anyway, hope everyone is having a good day/evening. Hugs TS fam!
