Day 46 and it’s been a bit of a rough start 
that’s ok. I’ve been managing it and I have therapy today and I get to brag on a bunch of my wins this week to therapy guy so besides the fact that I dumped coffee all down my front and won’t get to go change till close to noon everything is going to be juuuuuust fine.
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Bleh. Checking in today. Had a small slip over the weekend so I reset my counter. Not happy. I’m finding I need to be especially careful when I’m doing extremely mundane tasks etc.
It’s almost a reflex 
Anyway — back to Day Zero. Here we go!
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Congrats on your 2 weeks of ODAATs Brl!
Great job 
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53 days. Court tomorrow. They will discuss whether or not I’m a danger to children because of my mental breakdown which involved alcohol 53 days ago. Nobody got hurt, nobody else was even around. It’s so dumb. I’ve never hurt anyone and I never will. I hate this.
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Thank you, I’ll try that. I also downloaded the app “Insight Timer” wich seems to be pretty nice. It has some short stories too, didn’t listen to them yet.
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I have never tried Headspace but Insight Timer has Autogenic Training so you may find something you like. I am glad youre feeling better today. Keep strong and have a good one.
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Well. A discussion doesn’t mean they are going to find you a danger. It DOES suck to have to rehash something that was emotionally hurtful to you (cause you were in a place of pain) and to others because they were worried for you. BUT I think making those points that you were alone and only a risk to yourself and that youve taken steps to work on your sobriety and mental health are all really positive moves in your favor. Ya know? Actions speak louder than words and you are taking actions. Hopefully the court will see how important that is. Like we all do.
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@Alycia that feeling of slipping into a funk is awful. It kills motivation.
I was in that exact same place the last few weeks. But I think I’m almost out of it now.
What helped for me was talking about it. It removed the edge.
Also doing things to relax my mind helped.
I’ve been doing sudokus, crosswords and other similar things.
But also, like you mentioned, reading helped too.
My go to genre is young-adult fiction. They are easy to comprehend, making it much more relaxing to read, and often contain witty humor. At the same time they can be very well written and have an intricate storyline.
I liked Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and the divergent trilogy a lot. Perhaps you could give those a try. And for Harry Potter and Percy Jackson there are also very entertaining podcasts. “Potterless” and “The Newest Olympian”.
Perhaps worth your while.
@SandbagBob teach yourself that there is no such thing as a small slip.
A relapse can be lethal. And you never know what the extent of a relapse will be.
I’ve told myself that I can watch one short video on YouTube (technology addict) a few weeks back. It was a conscious decision with full intents to stop watching after that one 40 second video. I made that choice around 11 pm. That 40 second video lasted until 6 am.
I was able to convince myself to relapse because I had had small, 30 minute relapses before. So this relapse would be just like it. Right?
Point being: Downplaying anything caused by addiction is ammo for that addict voice.
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Sage advice. I appreciate that very much.
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I really loved Awakening Joy by James Baraz. It is Zen based. It’s long and takes time to digest but I found that reading a chapter or two in the mornings helped me breathe better through out my day. Sending a hug and hope that this passes soon for you.
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Day one. Drinking has slowly increased to a bottle of wine or more each evening. I need a sponsor i think
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You got this! Stay strong!
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Been there… I drank a little more every day. Until yesterday morning. I descided it’s really time to quit the bullshit, admid to ourselfs that we can’t ‘moderate’ or ‘only have 1’.
But together we can do this!!
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I can’t moderate. It sneaks up and then itw a bottle each night and more qt the weekend
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Been there… i tried many times. And each time I was blind to what was really happening. It started with ‘I’ll only drink a few on the weekends’ and it ended with me drinking every day. Work or no work. Didn’t bother me.
I can’t speak for everyone but I cannot have a ‘normal’ relationship with alcohol.
I’ve ALWAYS have the feeling I drank more than the people around me. I was the only one how didn’t care that it was 11 in the morning. That’s no to early for a drink!
And so on and so on…. I was lying to myself. That had to stop.
I hope you can find the help and support of this community. We’re in this together!
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That’s almost exactly my situation. I always make the mistake of thinking I can control it and have, as you said, a normal relationship with it.
Sadly it’s flat out not possible.
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For me, I still have a very hard time accepting the fact that I can’t deal with alcohol. But I tried to many times with the same results.
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Same. Every attempt goes better than the last… I’m getting to know myself and my triggers.
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Good for you! If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.
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Checking in
1016 days substance free
536 days self injury free
152 days sugar free
I am just waiting on a new sponsee, we are going to head down to the beach in front of my house and go over the first few questions of her step one. I am grateful.
On Saturday 5 of us, (2 of my sponsees, 1 of my partners sponsees, my partner and myself) hopped into a vehicle and roadtripped to an out of town meeting. It was super fun. I mean, I have to say it… addicts are a special breed and when we are clean and get together loads of fun is to be had.
Fellowship, fun in recovery… these are things I didnt know were possible for me when I cleaned up during COVID. I had seen it but I had never experienced it first hand. It took me a bit of time to find my people but now I have I see what an essential part this is to a persons recovery. I am very concious of building fellowship with my sponsees. Walking beside these woman as they re-find themselves, or even find themselevs for the first time is such an honor. I feel so blessed to experience living clean with them.
My life clean is hard to believe its so good. I want to keep it, so I just keep going back to meetings and I keep doing what is suggested by all the people who have walked this path before me. I surely do not know more than they do about living a life like this.
Congrats on your cleantime everyone…
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