Awe thank you! I think ur right 
hope ur doing well
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@Becsta belated congrats on 4 years 
@anon53116147 welcome back 
congrats on your week+ congrats also for your acceptance for college
@MegaMeg welcome back
@Catmama23 welcome back
@Nubrij welcome 
I struggle with the same demon
@Aaronsoberjourney welcome congrats on 6 months
@Ceee welcome
@GreenGirl welcome
@Butterflymoonwoman feel better soon š©µ
@Noshame congrats on 3 weeks
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@Ladybuggy welcome congrats on double digits
@HappyDays congrats on 30 days I hope your healing okay and feel better soon š©µ
@RosaCanDo Iām glad your husband is okay, I hope you feel better soon š©µ and I hope the paperwork signing off goes well tomorrow 
@Misokatsu this is huge progress to reflect on, congrats
@Brian1965uk congrats on 200 days
@ArtMama congrats on triple digits 
1025 days no alcohol.
490 days no cocaine.
5 days no vape.
3 days no binge-eating.
Doing a check-in for yesterday numbers, as I hope to check-in later on for todayā¦
Suffocating under the heavy weight of this depression. Itās making it really difficult to do anything I want to do, Iām forcing myself to do my daily routine things, but the anticipation of my appointments next week, keeps swirling round in my mind, Iām having bad nightmares as well, and needing afternoon naps because my pain and fatigue have both flared up too, likely because of the inconsistent weather here.
Iāve been wanting to catch up here so I donāt get further and further behind, but I havenāt had the energy. Here I am now though.
š©µ
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What a hero and example you are!! 
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I love the tree. Great Idea to take pics seasonal. Have a great day
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I get it,but naps are good and your bodies way of slowing down, take the days and appointments a step at a time, thats what ive had to do and it helps always here for you
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Congrats on 100 days. Day 19 for me. I am inspired with your post
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@CATMANCAM I know how challenging it is to try to claw your way out of depression, especially with exhaustion worsening things. We are rooting for you. 
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Good to see you my friend. I am so sorry that you are weighed down with pain, fatigue and depression.
We are just happy to hear from you ā please donāt feel like you need to catch up on the thread before checking in (your mental health is most important). I do see how daunting it can be when youāve been away from Ā½ a day even and see all the posts adding up. At first, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of posts and now I realize that all the posts mean so many people are reaching out and working on themselves and possibly looking for help.
I do hope that you are able to get out from this weight of depression soon. Try to think of just today and not your appointments next week. ODAAT
Itās easier said than done - i know. If itās not too painful - try to open a window and (hopefully some sun in UK today) - this may help lighten your mood if you canāt make it out for your pond walk.
Sending you comfort and strength my friend - hope to hear from you later today 
Iām seeing your numbers and you are really killing it!!!
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Yes ā do take a deep breath and do what you would to calm yourself. All though fun times with moving and new adventures it can be super stressful and need be sure that the added stresses like car trouble do not become overwhelming. Glad your hubby is okay. Ive been reading your posts and youāve come such a long way. Wishing you the best ā have a relaxed and laid back Friday ā best of luck with the final paper signings today 
@mno glad to see were able to split up your sessions ā two in one day would be emotionally draining. That pic is so beautiful (reminders of care free youthful days)
@Misokatsu Be super proud of yourself! 
@Jessicaann93 you are doing so well ā Keep showing up for yourself!
@nastya_is_fighting I agree with others that the message may have just been sent to get under your skin. Glad that you were able to discuss this with your boyfriend and also come here to write out your feelings. Glad you are feeling better now.
@BrandonM Congrats on your sober time my friend ā so excited for you.
So true indeed
@artmama congrats on your 100 days of sobriety!!
@anon74766472 itās okay to remove yourself from social gatherings where you donāt feel comfortable. I find it to be more triggering having to stay and put on a āfaceā. I wouldnāt say you failed. Some people are just social butterflies, some are good with smaller crowds and some only talk and feel comfortable with their particular group. Not being able to adapt to a social situation does not result in failure. You listed to yourself ā made your appearance and got out before it bogged you down.
Checking in on Friday morning
Iām getting ready to bake some donuts and get the cheesecake cut up and packed - last tid bits to get done for tonightās festival. I am starting to get a bit nervous that Iāll be able to endure the heat / the long hours serving but I know that I just need to attack this one moment at a timeā¦ Have a wonderful Friday my friendsā¦sending much love
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I guess and I want to believe this and still there is this nagging feeling that I fled, avoided. Always this balance kind of question. Itās everywhere. But you are right, in smaller groups even when I struggle to be yeaaaahhhhh, cooool, oleeeee, I do it but these: we have to make an appearance things. 
And what is also really something I have to work on: the Korean left and for some reason they always get a present in the end after their two weeks stay. And this girl that was with us was really not helpful. She was completely overwhelmed with her task here and everyone including her was happy that it was over. Then, she got the present and my boss here, smiling from one ear to the other giving her the present and thanking her for being here. And in fact, situations like these lead me to distrust people. How can I know she is not like this towards me also? Well, itās maybe difficult to maintain faking smile all day. But yet. Sigh.
But know what, itās wonderful to be able to think about it clear headed than drowning in self pity with a bottle half empty already.
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Happy Days indeed! It sucks about your burn, but you already are seeing it as an opportunity to bet sober. So happy for you and will be for days!
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Thank you @CATMANCAM and @JazzyS I really appreciate your comments. Iāll be okay! And I keep telling myself that and it will surely be the case. Not drinking about this is the most important part and Iām not concerned about that. I feel safe in that area. I appreciate all the support I get here and will let you all know how things go today. A few hours from now actually 
OMGOMGOMG hahaha!
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Afternoon check in day 610 
Had a busy week. But a productive one. A decided I needed to put in some hard work to make summer easier.
Now I have plenty of time for myself to take time and be gentle with myself in a relaxing environment.
I took time to re-do the back garden itās lovely out there.
Have had some using dreams, last nightās was weird but grateful it is just a dream.
Hope everyone is doing okay 
I will be doing alot of catching up, have been thinking of you all
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I totally agree with this - I see it happen way to often myself.
It does take a lot of effort but I try not to think about what others feel about me. I know I am for the most part a lovely human and am doing my best (for me ā if we donāt click then your loss - thatās where my mind goes these days ā actually now i even think not your loss but whatever - it wasnāt meant to be)
This is much harder in work atmosphere where you have to see the person daily and āmake niceā.
I wish I had some advice on how to handle this but i donāt - I just know where you are coming from and can understand your frustration
YES!-- when it s not genuine it literally hurts to smile all day. You are doing really well in navigating these social situations. I do hope you get to enjoy your vacation now.
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Thank you all for your replies, they mean alot. Thank you for the reminders of ODAAT too.
1026 days no alcohol.
491 days no cocaine.
6 days no vape.
4 days no binge-eating.
Anxiety doesnāt like to be told that we donāt think about upcoming things, so itās sitting in a corner of my mind sulking. Depression still very heavy, but Iām really glad I was able to catch up here earlier, and stop isolating with it.
Iāve still been going for most of my walks, meditating, and doing my morning routine. I go outside to sit on the benches for 10mins here and there too, even though itās hard to force myself out, I know I have to keep doing it.
I am struggling with vape cravings for the first time in 6 days, and my food/binge cravings are off the charts this evening. I hope I can make it through both but Iām not very confident.
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends.
š©µ
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Checking in on end of day 5. Have a good Friday evening you all
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Checking in alcohol free and grateful. Itās been an OK day - went to a meeting, contacted a psychiatrist, and got some work projects knocked out but feeling very tired. My sponsor finally got back to me after a long silence and I know for sure based on her response Iām going to get a new one. Is it ok to ābreak upā with a sponsor (itās only been about a month) by text or do I owe her at least a phone call?
Also, Iām curious how you folks successfully cope with people in your life who seem to have it all and be perfect, etc. I always have someone like this in my life. Right now itās my manager at work. Sheās probably 10 years younger than me, has a rich husband and a big house, just had a baby and they already went on vacation and are moving into a bigger house, and sheās going to the Taylor Swift concert this weekend (
translation: itās almost impossible to get those tickets and I had sort of really wanted to go ). She just seems to be successful and happy and have it all, all the things I was āsupposedā to have by now. Itās that gross jealous feeling thatās giving me the ICK and sending me to a bad place. Would appreciate any guidance on this. @Misokatsu i think youāve mentioned someone similar in your life, a coworker, who is like this? or I might be misremembering but I think I read it recently in another post.
Anyway those are my random thoughts. Not going to try to do much else today since my mood is plummeting. Hope everyone has a good rest of your day - sober and peaceful 
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Checking in sober, bringing that head sober on my pillow now. Siiighhhh I need some resting on the weekend!
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