Day 
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day 307 af
Chilling out here on night shift flood retention, baby sitting a big pump so a community doesnt get flooded out. Easy money.
Still havent quit the vape ah well soon enough.
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47 days alcohol free. My daily recovery looks like:
- Read daily AA reflection, meditate and say serenity prayer
- Attend a meeting almost every day
- Text or call sponsor every day and weekly step work
- Near-daily exercise
- read quit lit or some other self help type book. Right now I’m reading “Healing the Shame that binds you”
I’m on an anti anxiety med now that helps a lot and a mood stabilizer that helps me avoid those typically-work-related freak outs. However the depression is almost debilitating still. My doctor doesn’t want to use an anti-depressant because they make me impulsive so I might have to try TMS as a last resort. I don’t know much about it so will have to research more and talk to her about it when I go back in 3 weeks.
I’ve been struggling to find meaning and joy in my life. Honestly I only feel good or some sense of meaning when I’m in AA meetings. Outside of that I don’t have much desire to do anything and feel disconnected from my partner. And that’s unfair because she has been really supportive. But I’m seeing some unhealthy emotional patterns that we have and I can see the areas where we aren’t balanced in our personalities (we both worry about things to death). I’ve also been waking up in the middle of the night (like now) sweating and feeling a little panicky.
I do think my obsession with alcohol has diminished. To me that suggests the subconscious conditioning to love alcohol is finally getting undone. But I’m still restless, irritable, discontented, and angry about things I have zero control over. I can see that the source of many if not all of my problems is my own ego. So maybe there’s some wisdom coming through but each day is still a struggle. I know they say the first year of sobriety is the hardest. I hope that a lot of what I’m feeling is just adjustment and not me going “holy shit i hate the life I’ve built when I was mostly drunk over the last 20 years.”
Anyway just wanted to check in because I don’t post as much as I used to but I appreciate catching up on all your updates. Keep going recovery warriors! 
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That sounds really tough. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what life stage are you in? (You don’t have to answer). I only ask as a lot of my friends and I feel similar and it seems to be something that happens in our 40s. It seems to be a massive period of adjustment, and hormone levels are going weird due to preparation for the menopause.
Feel free to disregard that as may not be relevant, but it just sounded so similar to a lot of conversations I have been having recently.
Really hope you have a lovely day and find some peace and joy 
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Day 104 still sober
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Hearts (likes) for every one! I have a notice that I have used enough for now.
Wishing everyone success with whatever you are trying to not use or do. The help and the support is here for you.
Lots of admiration for each single day you have been free of the drug or behavior.
@Twizzlers missing you, thinking of you and hope you will have a nice Sunday.
@Mno some nice memory pics you have posted lately. This is beauty, the one today. Enjoy your day, the sports, and, of course, Luna, a heart for her too!
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Day 3 and 4
Hope everyone and everything is okay 
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 11.
We’re going to Ma’s house today, to leave a house paper,that she needs.
I’ve planned to go while she wasn’t at home just plop the paper on the kitchen table and get out of there.
But Ma had other plans,so now we’re going at lunch time while she’s back home.
So “We all could meet and have a good time”.
My brother called this morning to say that he’ll pack up the kids and go at the same time, so we could support each other. A few hours maybe a Fika,some polite socializing and we’re out.
I still don’t like it. But I guess it is what it is.
At least the sun is shining. Yesterday I saw the rainbow again. I get to check in here, adding another day to the sober collection.
And I still have a vacation/roadtrip to plan.
It’s getting a little tricky because my brother and his family decided to join. We had more or less made up our minds about going to High Chaparral (The western theme park) and then heading to Helsingborg (In the south of Sweden, just at the Danish border)
But my brother has put in a few ideas of his own that Also sounds really interesting.
We’re going to have a get together on Wednesday maybe Thursday to plan and book where we’re going.
That’s when we can see the weather predictions for the week we’re planning to go.
That’s all for today folk’s. I wish y’all an amazing day.
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@KarenKW for me, getting my adult ADHD diagnosis was a game changer and it helped me turn my life around. So many things just… clicked, ya know? Hopefully your assessment goes well next week.
@anon15828629 thank you, Kevin. But honestly just putting my thoughts down on here regularly helps me stay centered. No, I don’t do meetings.
Day 191.
I think I’m coming down with something. Yesterday I had to have a midafternoon nap because I was feeling ill. I’ve been sleeping too much, working continuously and struggling to get anything done in terms of chores or even self care. I need to come up with a better structure to my days because this right now is not sustainable.
Come rain or shine tomorrow I’m seeing Barbie. Tuesday I’m going to a country where all the cinema showings are dubbed in their own language, which aside from “hello” and “thank you” I do not speak. (I hate movie dubbing, it’s the worst affront to movies and yes, that applies to foreign movies dubbed in English.)
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Today is12.41 days sober
4.51 no nicotine
Kinda craving weed
I have to be at work at 7am and my addict mind is saying it will wake me up
It might wake me up but the price I’ll pay after says don’t do it. I’m weaker when I’m high. Everything about me gets weaker when I’m high
The vape crossed my mind big time
But I’m not giving in
I’m a bit grumpy but ya know, it’s ok
Stay awesome everyone
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Made it out of the house and on my way to work sober and cigg/vape free 
Still kinda grumpy but I’ll get a little more coffee in me in a few minutes
Take care everyone
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Day 295
Due to the colder weather here in my area I started baking 
I already made a batch of cookies but they didn’t survive the next day. Too good. Today I’m making a banana bread, the smell is awesome. I hope it turns out good because I switched to a glutenfree flour mix. So far it’s looking good. 20 more minutes to go.
I’m doing really good. There was a time, yesterday evening, when I remembered a nice moment with a friend tho. We went out eating and had a beer afterwards. You know, those sugarcoated memories in a pink hue. One second later I remembered where that lead me, vomiting above my toilet. No thank you.
I’ll never be cured but I am in power to control it. And I will. Onto the next 24 hours 
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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Morning guys, just catching up on here from yesterday evening. Checking in SAF. Have a great Sunday.
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Thank you @JennyH! You are spot on. I’m turning 40 later this year and it has a lot to do with the timing of my recovery as well. I’d been thinking a lot about my life, what it’s been so far and what it can be for what’s left, and a hyper awareness of how temporary life is. I’ve also wondered if the night sweating could be hormonal. I know very little about menopause and was astounded to learn that it can go on for many years!!!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1134. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Checking in here. Feeling a bit shit. Could be jet lag or tapering off the meds. I decided the best thing would be to check in here and not drink or something. I’m getting really irritated with the whole tapering off the antidepressants situation. Luckily I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on wednesday and hopefully can figure out what to do with this worthless sack of neurotransmitters on my shoulders. Anyway blah blah blah. Let’s have another day
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I smile everytime I see your little polar bear, hang in there. 
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12.52 days sober
4.67 days no vape/cigs
The withdrawal from the vape is very controllable and much much better then yesterday
I’m starting to chew less gum and haven’t had any lossinges today so far
Work is also easy today. Just taking it slow while I can
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1st week of Year 4 and thinking of all you amazing people who are making it work - I’m so proud of all of us. We’re such awesome humans. Xxxx
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