Jessica, this is amazing!!! Those first few hours are so unbelievably hardā¦youāre so close to that huge milestone of Day 2. Xxx
Whelll, look at this handsome boy!!! 
Iād say heās your tiny little salvation. Are things tough when your hubby is home? X
Awww, what a big boy!! Yay!
3rd evening sober checking in
Thank you,
It feels almost impossible especially when my DOC is right down the road from me and i just want to be numb so i dont have to feel all of these hard feelingsā¦
Getting high is the only coping mechanism ive ever knownā¦ ive struggled on and off with drugs and alcohol since i was 15 years old, im 29 now. Its been a long,exhausting road and here lately ive been the closest ive ever been to giving up and ending it all. Then, i look at my son sleeping and i start to get angry with myself. How could i ever even think about hurting that innocent sweet little boy that way and thats when i start to beat myself down and the guilt really sinks in at night time when im the only one awakeā¦ im not giving up, not yet.
@Amy30 Do u mind me asking why donāt you go to meetings
@TheWaterDog congratulations on 4 years
Checking in day 8
Good day today went for a nice long walk in the woods then came home and watched the formula 1ā¦Iāve decided to join a new soccer team aswell and have my 1st training session Tuesday night looking forward to getting back to it again 
Few pics if the views on my walk today Ireland would be a lovely little country if you could roof it 
Thank you, and I am so sorry you are in pain, experiencing fatigue. I will never take for granted this gift I have been given to feel somewhat ānormalā in terms of energy levels. I know just how hard it is to remain upbeat.
4.96 days off the vape
12.81 days sober
Man do I feel great
Chewing less nic gum and less lossinges too
In 4min Iām going home from work
Today was actually a very good day
Thank you 
Thank you
Ta my darling!! Massive congratulations on hitting that first weekā¦and i know exactly how you feel - Iām in Offaly where officially itās been raining since 1962ā¦Iāve had to flee to the UK south coast this week because i just couldnāt take any more of it 
Good luck for Tuesday!!!
Congrats on making it to day 7! Tough moment you made the right choice in! Recommend getting all the booze out of your house, no need to have it there as a potential pitfall to your progress, keep up the good fight!
@RosaCanDo thank you Rosa 
that means a lot š©µ I will always keep trying.
@ShaunD congrats on your week 
@Fury thatās pretty cool! Enjoy your vacation
@Hisharleyquinn1318 congrats on 40 days
@manmshuk welcome congrats on your days so far
@JazzyS I forgot to mention it, but the workshop facilitator texted me on Friday, saying they had to cancel because they had to be at another commitment earlier than they thought. I was honestly gutted when I got the text, but it will be back on the 29th 
so I can look forward to that
@GenG congrats on 3 weeks and well done for jogging!
@Catmama23 good to read from you Im pleased AA is working for you. Iām so sorry about the debilitating depression though 
sending strength š©µ
@TheWaterDog welcome congrats on 4+ years
@CHASE.E.U congrats on your week and for dumping the beer out 
@Cjp sorry for your loss 
@Twizzlers good to read something from you yes, please stay connected š©µ
@anon53116147 sorry about your step-dad, glad you kept your cool, that shows your growth. Iām pleased you can focus on the positives. Congrats on 60 days
@JessicaAnn93 welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on day 1
1077 days no alcohol.
542 days no cocaine.
57 days no vape.
Tired of myself, repeated the same mistake as last weekend, the ice cream van got me again, I felt bad about it, and then went to buy crisps and mango (my go-tos). It could have been worse, I could have bought more sugary stuff and binged that too, so Iām just trying to re-focus now ready for the new week ahead, with a chance to try again.
Did all my daily routine things, coloured for 21mins. Unpacked some deliveries Iāve had sitting clogging up the hallway all week, took the dismantled boxes out to the recycling bins. Itās better now.
Tomorrow I have my first physio appointment for my back, that I have been waiting for since 2019! Itās finally hereā¦Iāve done a lot of work to strengthen my back enough to do my 2 short walks a day. Before, I couldnāt even stand up long enough to brush my teeth, and this time last year I was in my wheelchair when I needed to go out, but it could definitely be better as Iām in a lot of pain still, and cant sit down for long without pain and pins and needles in my legs and feet. So Iām hoping it will be a good appointment.
Then, I will head to my therapy appointment and hopefully get going into the compassion-focused therapy.
š©µ
Hasnāt stopped here all day aswell iam climbing sliabhnaman In Tipperary tomorrow guaranteed to be lashing
Checking in sober. Feeling sad and lonely. But I know a drink would do more harm than good. As much as Iād like to just escape my feelings right now. Bored but no interest in anything. Struggling with this depression.
Its difficult for me to spend time with him. It seems like he canāt relax in almost any situation, so nervousā¦ We are barely laughing together, Iām avoiding him, he doesnāt like it. I know Iām not an easy person as well, I think I already gave up trying to fix this relationship. He probably thinks the same.
Now when Iām sober evenings are even more shitty cause heās usually tipsy or even drunk, or sniffing coke. And, according to him, itās also my fault (coke) cause Iām so absent (mentally) and coke is helping him to cope with that.
I donāt think Iām gonna relapse but those next 2 weeks gonna be difficult for sure.
Ps: yeah, he is my little tiny salvation indeed 
Iām lucky to have 2 more (twins 2,5 yo). I wouldnāt be here if not them.
Day 525
Just finished work and am on my way home. Quiet shift. Was able to attend an online sermon today. Also started a 60 day Bible Reading program where u power thru the Bible in wellā¦ 60 days lol Idk if i will be able to find the time to dedicate an hour of reading a day to this but i am going to try, even if its in chunks.
Recovery wise - I am okay. Not much in the sense of using thoughts/cravings so Im grateful for that 
Health wise - I am starting AGAIN with my healthy lifestyle tomorrow. I feel like im constantly restarting on Mondays 
I need to drop this all or nothing thinking. The first sign of a screw up and i say āF itā and throw in the towel. Like enough is enough already. Im not feeling good health wise at all so something has gotta change. And i know it all starts with my thinking.
Anyway, hope everyone has a good day/evening! 