Im so sorry ur feeling so crappy friend 
sending u hugs. Stay connected to us and keeping posting. Ur not alone in this 
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12.94 days sober
5.10 days no vape/cigs
Made it to 5 days no vape
The longest Iāve ever went sence 15 years old
I started when I was 13 because I wanted to look cool. I went weeks with no cigg because of my age limit
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Having a rough day, couldnāt get to my in person meeting. Day 41 and still exhausted some days. But I got laundry done at least,
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Sorry, I donāt really have an answer for that. I just have my own way of working sobriety right now and it seems to be working for me. I did some online meetings in the first couple of months, but I find the community support I get on here to be very valuable.
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A week today. Im not sure I set the date right in my phone, but today will be 7 days. I am very bad with technology, and its not an excuse I find if very frustrating lol.
Feeling good. My mind still goes - goes to the fact that my dads side of the family isnt talking to me (not anythijg regarding drinking, but issues past and present); what my mother-in-law said the other day; what will happen with my nephew; court; guilt around my children; so much guilt for all the loss my daughter has faced. I think there is a lot of me in my thoughts displacinf responsibility; and also I know I have a temdency with family to accept their behavipur (in the past) as simpky beinf human.
I have not been a mess or so vulnerable in a long time. But I am glad to be here and have tjis space.
Had a beautoful day witj kids at the beach today. Made plansbwith a new mom friend I made and her kids. Felt nice to be out, and just go with the day for the kids. Sand gets everywhere, so stop fighting it. I swear its a slogan for life. Xo.
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Huge congratulations on ur 1 week of sobriety 
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Hope ur able to get some rest tonight so that u feel better tmrw 
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Sending strength and peace. 
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Its really wonderful to see you posting friend. Please stick close to us here. Hugs 
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@mischa84 Love the pic ā can feel the little guyās happiness through the picture! Well done on getting a hang of the bike so quickly ā heās gonna have a blast this summer. Sending you strength in getting through the next two weeks ā you are doing so well my friend, do know we are here for you if you need to vent or talk.
@jessicaann93 so good to see you back my friend ā I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much. Grateful to see you fighting for yourself and being here for your son. Is it possible to jump on a 24 hour on line meeting at night when you are struggling the worst? This site is active 24/7 so reach out here if you need to ā¦ keep strong Jessica.
@anon15828629 wow ā a nice long walk in the woods ā that sounds lovely. Sounds like you are all healed up ā that is great my friend. Yeah to getting back at it with the Soccer! BTW ā thank you for the lovely pics ā beautiful scenery
@jennyh appreciate you Jenny ā for the first time I feel like I am not alone (up until now no one really understood the CF symptoms). Glad that you have increased energy levels ā I too will not take those moments for granted.
@catmancam Ah man ā that sucks about the drumming class being cancelled. Yeah to finally getting into your physio appointment ā hopefully you will see the results soon. BTW 21 mins Hell YEAH!
@bomdhil So glad to hear that you are doing better Thomas. I am so impressed with how well you are doing ā keep up the amazing work and keep showing up for yourself.
@karenkw I am so sorry my friend ā I do hope that you are able to get some relief from your depression soon. Are you able to listen to your favorite song or watch something that you know will make you laugh? Sending you comfort and love my friend.
@hisharleyquinn1318 Iām sorry you had a rough day ā think you are doing great with 41 days. Well done my friend ā I do hope it gets better for you soon. If you feel the need to connect with a meeting ā can you do an on line meeting?
Mira_d A huge congrats on your 1 week of sobriety. Well done and keep up the amazing work!
Checking in on Sunday evening
214 days weed and alcohol free
629 days cigarette free
Grateful for making the best of today. I did finally get up to 10k steps today (its funny how i would do 25k+ without effort and now i have to push to get to 10k) I was also able to do seated light work out. Read some pages from my book. I found out that i am not able to drink matcha tea (thank goodness i was able to finally put 2+2 together this time). It was causing my body to shut down and body temp to fall drastically - luckily I was not hurt and now have another item on my not to eat/ drink list. My swelling and pain were high today - managed to get through my list of todayās activities so feel super happy about it. Getting ready for bed and looking forward to another day tomorrow. Wishing everyone an addiction free Sunday / Monday - sending much love 
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Eyup my fam, time for me to check in.
I relapsed recently unfortunately, and it hurts. Especially when I know so much betterā¦ I still have a way to go before I am who and where I want to be in this life, I know that. Iām healing, and Iām growing, figuratively and literally 
but it takes so much timeā¦
One of my mistakes is that I expect too much of other people, the world and myself. I compare and judge when thatās meaningless. I couldāve been born into any world in any formā¦
But here I am, and I believe everything happens for a reason. Even in my lifeās negatives I can find positives, itās just a matter of perspective, deep thought and present-thinkingā¦
Am I happy with my life? I donāt know. One day I am, and feel free and great about myself and place in this life and world, the next Iām not and feel blue. I can think of a million negatives about myself and my life which make me feel like an inadequate failure: my biggest fear.
I need to quit my addictions and toxic habits. I need to move out of my current home to somewhere nice with the right flatmates. I need to surround myself with the right people. I need to build myself up: mentally with meditation, positivity affirmations and mindfulness; and physically with jogging, work-out and martial arts. I need to eat and sleep healthily too.
I donāt know if anyone else can relate, but I always have this urge to set preconditions on how and when I quit, to make it feel more āofficialāā¦ I want to quit this time without a date and time, event or circumstantial dopamine boost not within my control. There is no right or wrong way and time, thatās all made-up bullcrap in the mind.
I know Iām not perfect. I know my past sucks, itās trueā¦ But I want to embrace it all and simply give my fcking best. Quit the constructsā¦
Life is not about whatās easiest or feels the most comfortable- itās all about whatās best 
Anyways, maybe this is the last lesson I need to learn to feel like an āofficialā quitā¦ No preconditions.
When my mind baselessly ruminates that āI have a problemāā¦ Do I? Or am I inventing problems, as theyāre what my mind is used to and ironically feels comfortable withā¦?
Iām perfect the way I am. Just the way existence had planned when I was born. Every lesson learned and unique potential unlocked. This is me, and my story. It could have been this, or thatā¦ But it wasnāt! And why should it be anything else? Why should I, who was born and gifted the privilege of a spark of existence, life and consciousness, deserve moreā¦? What is more? If I had been born an animal, human constructs and values would be worthless and relativeā¦ Imagine an alien listening to our rambling about perceived importance. Whatās important is life and love. Thatās it. If I got everything what I wanted: was perhapse reborn into what my mind, shaped by circumstantial external influences, perceives to be great and ideal, without even working for it, then whatā¦? I grow old and realize it was all worthless in the big pictureā¦ I never actually gained anything of value. The truth is I was just born into something random, and made the error of taking it for granted and starting to make meaningless demands. I need to deserve everything I gain from here onā¦! If life and love are all that matter, then the past, future, other people, worry, being different are all unimportantā¦ Maybe important to us, but only insofar as we need to accept, embrace and love ourselves to begin with.
I donāt want to daydream my life away forever. I know what I have to do. Iāve come incredibly far from my traumatized, isolated, lonely, anxious, depressed, immature, inexperienced, subconscious, pessimistic and hopeless past selfā¦ (was I, or is that my warped interpretation?) Could I ever have dreamed of even being here writing these words? Never.
I wanted to kill myself at the age of 18. Said my unsuspicious I love yous to family members. I know as a fact I couldāve probably fit right into a mental asylum with the mind I possessed at the time. Externally I appeared ānormalā but internally was a mess. Chance convinced me otherwiseā¦ And here I am. I donāt judge me. It was the way it was, and not my faultā¦ A different time and reality. But I understand it, and would give my young self a big warm hug if I could, tearily tell him I love him and thank him for all the effort he invested to make my life truly blossom given mere time and loveā¦ And Iām only starting!
And I wonder why I havenāt conquered the world yet? 
I forget how far Iāve comeā¦ I mean if I can barely relate, obviously things are brewing and a ball rollingā¦ So yes, I am grateful for everything. Grateful for the good little things people do. Grateful for nature. To be alive. Everything to learn from my past. And to be who and where I want to be, and heading where I want to go 
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Dust youāre shoulders off and do what you believe will help you going forward whatever that may be. Lower those expectations and definitely remain grateful for today. I wish you the best man and no matter what keep coming back but if you were to fall try something different 
much love 
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Oh friend I am sorry for your recent relapse. Do you know what may have caused the relapse (an event or feeling orā¦?_ There is not set time or date to plan for sobriety ā we just have to jump in head first and know that the support we have set in place will keep us from falling. You have us here and you have your tools to help you move forward with an addiction free life.
I do believe you know what you need to do and can make the changes happen for yourself. You have such a thirst for life ā you are young and ambitious and I would love to see you achieve all the goals you have set out for yourself.
YES!! Please keep repeating this for yourself and do hug to your younger self ā do reach inside of you and comfort your inner child. Let yourself know that you are special that you are loved and that you do deserve more.
Glad you have checked in and do hope that you find some support in real life. Know we are here for you! Dont give up on yourself - you are worth an addiction free life. Many hugs my friendā¦
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Checking inā¦
Alcohol 1410
Food Stuff - 2 if I make it to morning without eating
Itās been a busy weekend full of recovery. And people. And talking. And listening. And tonight I sit here knowing I should go to sleep but I feel something is missing. I interacted with people who care for me all weekend long. But here I am feeling lonely. Feeling alone. Knowing I need to change my night time habits because they are unhealthy. I think Iām realizing that being lonely and alone in my marriage is more painful than Iāve realized. Iāve put up emotional walls after years of repeated painful experiences when I left myself exposed. Taking down any part of the wall is scary and leaves me vulnerable to more pain. Keeping the wall intact ensures I will stay alone and lonely. I crave connection and intimacy outside and inside my home. I love connecting and sharing with the amazing people in my life throughout my days. But when I come home from a day filled with amazing recovery I am confronted with the truth that my outside doesnāt match my inside. And it hurts.
Going through my inventory with my sponsor last week and discussing some of whatās going on with my therapist has brought me back from the ledge and I donāt want to blow up my marriage at the moment. God is revealing things to me about myself and my character defects that I have been in denial about or just close minded about for years. Things I couldnāt face before sobriety brought clarity to my life. I have done such a good job being a victim and repeatedly looking to other people, alcohol or food for comfort for the majority of my life. Only I can stop doing those things. And my peace, Serenity and joy are not dependent on other people, places or things. I donāt need to drink over my pain and loneliness and I donāt need to eat over it too. I need to get out of the way of my own healing. I got this word - it popped into my head - yesterday as I was driving to my weekly Saturday morning AA womenās meeting - DECONSTRUCTION. In order for God to build, I must allow him to deconstruct the things, thoughts, ideas etc I have erected in my life that block the truth. Iām back to step 1. Surrender. Fully.
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Day 30
Busy day ahead
Not had a day 30 since precovid ? And then i was sober for 2.7 years i think.
My partner is very supportive and feels I am a better person sober than after too much to drink as i tend to be either very gregarious or really cold and quite hostile.
I prefer the sober me
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Celebrating day 289
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Thatās total addict behaviour and thinking. Sorry Mischa. His drugs use is his responsibility and his only. He does his his stuff. Yo do yours. Hugs.
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Thank you as always @Soberbilly and @CATMANCAM .
Day 22
Today I was definitely sore from my jog, lol. But I went for a long walk and made sure to stretch afterwards. Got a bunch of little tasks done.
Tomorrow Iām hanging with my boyfriend and going to another heavy metal show. 
This time Iāll try and dress more appropriately in all black lol (last time, he loaned me a black jacket, shirt, and beanie 
). No plans to drink at the show. Last time I just remember smelling everyoneās beer breath, since we were packed together, and it was gross.
Iām definitely gonna eat a shark dinner. Yum! 
Nighty night Sober MOFOās! Letās keep this sober shit rolling! 
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1507
Taking Luna to the vet in a bit. Just a nail clipping and a little check up basically, but we both donāt like it. I didnāt tell her yet weāre going. After Iāll enjoy the last day of my mini vacation. Do some touristy stuff in my own town. Sober and clean. Have as good a week as you all can fiends. Lots of love.
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Day 105 checking in sober was at a meeting Friday,Saturday and Sunday trying to keep my ears open and listen odaat start of the work week not feeling motivated but will need to get it done hope everyone is well
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