Day 1 sadly, I had 290 but had a “planned” relapse while on summer vacation. 22 days of beer beer and then some more beer. Thought I would have had a little bit more control after my dry stint but sadly no. Starting fresh and hope to engage here regularly to keep me honest.
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Wanted to share an embarrassing truth. Today is day 207 of 2023. Of all those 207 days, i’ve gotten 7 hours of sleep minimum only 4 times. 4 out of 207 days have i prioritized rest. Trying to fight a Cognitive War while being this sleep deprived is like fighting someone with both hands tied behind my back while kneeling. No shot, no chance at sobriety when i’m exhausted every single day of my life. Yesterday i got 7 hours 8 minutes of mostly uninterrupted sleep. What If…i got rest every single day? Common Sense for most people like Duh dummy, why aren’t you sleeping??? I know. This is the immaturity i’ve been journaling on here about. I’m managed to lose 30 lbs without actually giving my body any recovery time. But the bill always comes due. You can’t fight your addiction when your bodies defenses, specially my exhausted brain, is already not working to capacity. The gaming addiction plays a critical role in this. I put the game in the closet yesterday. My put headphones with ambient sounds and go to bed now. There are 158 days left. I just want to do an experiment.
- Go to bed with my wife, every single night.
- Avoid my phone in my trigger spots.
- Even if she’s on the phone, crawl in bed, slap those headphones on with ambient sleep music. See if you can average a sleep score of at least 85-90 minimum.
7.5 to 8 hours of rest. At least give myself a fighting chance of sobriety. This is my priority going forward. If i dont sleep, i can’t progress. Simple.
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9 more days. I’m counting down with you to 300. With our inner struggle, 300 days is a triumph!
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Hi All, checking in on Day 22. Another busy one but at least the sun is shining.
Managed to play goalkeeper for my kids in my lunchbreak, and now have the Canada vs Ireland game on in the background. Also monitoring the Spurs match. So much sport 
Hoping to get to the gym later but really tired. Throwing myself into the summer holidays with the kids outside of work hours (guilt for working!) which means I am quite sleepy now 
Have a good day everyone
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Day 949,
Made a little walk in the mountains. Stayed in a mountain cabin for some soup. The thought on something else was there. But sticked it out. Last night some snow fell, so it was quite cold, last year I climbed to the top in 30 degrees, skipped that part today due to the conditions.
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Checking in, the urge for drinking is not present today. I have the last cuople of mornings woke up feeling hangover, it really took me back to when I acutally was hungover, I dont miss it. The last few days I also feel Im back in a place mentally where I dont feel good, it reminds me of how I have been the last few winters(oct/nov-march/april), and Im afraid its coming back again and even earlier then it use to. Its a dark hole where I dont want to be. Some of you migth remeber me talking about this.
So thats whats on my mind today. I need to keep it togheter, show myself strong for my kids.
Hope you all have a great day.
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The voice is on!
Having some health issue news in family that are not fully confirmed yet.
Having happy days anyway.
Doing good.
Feeling better.
Voice is telling it’s okay to have one after swim tonight.
I know she is a lyer.
But she is loud.
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Woke up ridiculously early this morning so went a walk, got home with enough time to make breakfast and chill before getting ready and going to work.
Caffeine has been my best friend the last hour, I’m shattered already 
.
Hell of a lot better than being hungover though that’s for damn sure!
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Day 4 of no cocaine, my headache yesterday was worse than it is today. Taking it o e step at a time.
Looking to watch a funny movie to this tracks myself
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Day 1: no shopping spree
Day 4: no grazing
Day 36: no credit cards
Day 724: no pills
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Day 5,48
I managed craving with a trick.
Didn’t take my moneybag with me to the swim.
Just my seasons card and drivers license 
Now in dressing room after a nice 2000m workout…
No possibility to buy anything on way back!
No cravings.
Silent voices.
Soft thoughts.
Lot of them.
No loud addictive mind anymore.
Love… Oh Love!
Oh Love. 
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Day 
So was driving by one place yesterday and found that they sell my all time favorite ice cream since childhood - Soft Ice Cream!! 
I mean they are no longer available anywhere for like 15 - 20 or more years ( and I have no idea why, because they are amazing!) Got one yesterday while working and two portions today after work. Also ate some sweet almonds candies.
I actually really want to go on sugar detox again because it feels great and has huge amount of benefits / so I said I will have those two as a pre - detox treat to myself. Anyway I will stick to the old plan. Few slips per week is allowed / of course it does not mean I got to use them all // or at all. Also some honey or something like stevia is allowed too / but what I noticed before is that once your sugar levels stabilizes - you actually don’t want to add that sugar \ instead you start to feel the sweetness in (for example) fruits —like never before— or even in a bread or other products— and I don’t even want to talk about things like Ketchup — that is a sugar Bomb! So starting by small steps. I just know how it feels / and since you had the BETTER - you don’t want to go back to worse. That’s why I am doing this.
Sugar / Sweets 
Day 1
Allowed slips /per week used 1/3 
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Checking in sober. Nice walk into town for a cappuccino and home again.
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Hi Wakikki it’s good to see you. I’m curious how you feel about seeing the psychologist earlier? Maybe more contact with a mental health professional can help you some? Just wondering.
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Welcome back to your sobriety Dave. May I ask you what’s your plan this time around? Any lessons to be learned from what happened in the last 22 days?
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I feel good about going to a psychologist. She make me feel good and I feel ok talking to her. Only thing I keep to myself, is my alcohol problems how severe it actually was. She know I dont drink anymore, because I am exposed to adicction.
Im going to keep going to her, til now we talked about my lifeline. And will start a physical exam and evaluation. Maybe I will figure out whats going on and understand my self.
Thanks for asking 
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Hi all, hope you are all having a beautiful day and for those in pain I hope you can take it easy on yourself today. I am holding on to what my late sponsor told me which is “this too shall pass”. The only way to go is through it.
I am checking in after a very emotional morning/afternoon. The death of my sister has brought out some big family issues, and it has been difficult to go through old patterns in real time. I am learning too that accepting people, and forgiving and letting live sometimes is not enough. I have been in fear I think of addressing issues as not wanting to cause problems, be shut out and afraid of the response. I think my “worst” fears are being realized now, and it is difficult but also very telling. These patterns are not old, they are just patterns and setting boundaries and talking about things is very hard. One family member is open to talking, and for me is not about being right or wrong, but that it is okay I say how I have been hurt. This is all very painful stuff, and I had done work on family before and tried to live in acceptance but again I have a different perspective now. Its okay to have these boundaries, its okay to address when people hurt you and then…what I am trying to do is let go. People can be very unhealthy, amd it isnt always in our best interest to accept them as they are when it is at our expense. I am trying something that I havent really tried befoee, but it is praying for those I have a resentment for. I am sure I have heard this be suggested to me over the years, but I read another member on here did that for 30 days witj a resentment and they prayed for the person. I just thank you very much for sharing that, as it I think is all I can do at this point.
No emotional turmoil is worth drinking over. It does feel scary for me to have touched some deep emotions, because within a day or so of touching things I tend to reach for a drink rather non-chalantly. I have spoken to those close to me about it, and I am going to gi spend some time in my veggie garden and pray. I really fewl so much strength in getting to read all of your posts, and have this space to share. I am really trying to do the work and heal, though I realize that I scramble witj not knowing what to do first. Keep It Simple. Back to Basics. Just do not drink today, sit with the feelings and be grateful for the hard ones (and grateful for the hard talks), and take things one step at a time.
Much love to you all today. Xo.
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Day
Second Check-in
So I wanted to point one thing. We are many here / and we are all different. Me {personally} I always try to look for connections > rather < than > dis-connections. As you may noticed I post a lot of spiritual content; a lot quotes from Bible. I remember many years ago I was highly against Christianity (to be honest) - (all the criminal activity in Vatican and lots of dirt in that (and other religions) always put me away from it. I always searched. Never stopped. Now my understanding is much deeper and totally different (I will not even start to explain anything) [;] Back to the point [.] Before all that [.] I Started with Buddhism. Then got true miracles happened to me \as I almost died many years ago/ those miracles never stopped since that day. Every day is a miracle now /I kept telling this\ yet with my drinking and with time I feel like lost that connection a bit.
I got strong intuition and connection that is leading through my path. It just showed me the way in quite hardly describable manner. Rationally, speaking after I almost died I asked - God - Why I am still alive? and I met my wife after it /\ [She works at Church]. Things changed dramatically since then. My all surroundings changed, friends. I met people so bright, so pure, I never wanted to look back.
Yet I had my downfall after that and lost my path for some time. We also divorced 3+ years ago / but I never said that our meeting in life was pointless. It was a lot to me and with purpose.
What I wanted to point out - people like to talk / to teach others / give lessons / give for granted /// yet /// they forget one main thing - This life is a teaching itself. It is a book itself!
And as I mentioned in the beginning I always try to look for connections > rather < than > dis-connections. I just had nice random Bible reading and had this nice message that says it all 
As one of my favorite Bible teachings that just explains how we all have different paths, yet it does not mean that we all are going in different ways.
*1 Corinthians 12
[…]
4 Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; 6 and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. 7 To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 8 For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.
One Body with Many Members
12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.
14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is,God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.
[…]
Don’t forget - the biggest gift can be gifted that we have in this life - Is
We have Each Other 
Thank You
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Day 1039 and a half, lol.
Had a good morning with meditation, getting a few chores done, and doing some reading on here. Another mediocre feeling day, but I am blessed to be realigning myself with active sobriety again instead of passive. Working on getting the courage up for sending out more job applications. Took a small step in exercising again, I know this will help my mental and physical health so much, always hard to get started. Crazy to remember how fit I used to be even during much of my addiction lol. Contemplating on quitting nicotine again soon, what a tough habit, now I know I can get daily support and tips here. 
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on my way to a Noah Kahan concert I’m so excited
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