Checking in day 294. Good day. Stayed home to work and missed AA Meeting this morning. I struggle with I wanted to be there but to avoid conflict I remained at my post. I did use my time wisely and accomplished tasks. Sponsor meeting was by phone and now officially on Step 8. I have watched a couple holiday movies and fight the feeling of guilt. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty. I should be able to balance work, enjoyment and love. I will pray about this.
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I’m so close to my 1st sober birthday, it feels kinda unreal if I’m honest. I’m a non-drinker, still so weird to say out loud. I was always the one saying “hey, let’s go for a drink”, that always meant let’s get black out wasted.
Today I am 354 days sober.
It’s been such a strange year. I spent the first half of the year being an emotional wreck. My mental health was ok-ish, I just needed to cry a lot. I drank to ignore pain, grief & trauma.
I did so many things sober that I just wouldn’t have done while drinking. Therapy, climbed a couple of mountains. I changed my job, twice. I got a promotion in my current job, I’m training for the next step up which will be assistant manager. I joined a gym. I tried online dating., apparently that’s a disaster whether I’m a drunk or not 
I went to so many concerts, films, parties, events. Started learning a new language. Went on holiday by myself. I’m building a better relationship with my son, siblings, friends. I’m interested in self care for the first time in my life. I’m eating so much better. I prioritize sleep. Every part for me feels & looks so much better: skin, nails, hair, eyes look brighter, mental health is the best it has been in a long time despite finding out I might have ADHA (my doctor has me on a waiting list but I’m not sure I see the point at 48yo) I’m becoming more confident in myself as I become stronger in my sobriety.
And yet this morning at 6am as I left my house to go to work I had intrusive thoughts…I wonder if I could have 1 drink & be ok with that. A nice glass of red wine as it’s winter, that’d be nice to come home to, or a whiskey. Urgh!!! I hate that voice.
What I have worked for this past year might look like just another normal life to someone who doesn’t know my past but everything I’ve done this past year, am currently doing & intended to do in the future is good huge for me. The path I was on lead to nothing worthwhile, it allowed myself to become paralysed. So intrusive thoughts or not I never want to go back there, to be that person. I am gratefully every day that I found a way to get sober, I am grateful for everyone I have come into contact with who helped me on my journey.
I feel lucky.
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Lovely post. I concur with life being a miracle sober. I am so glad you are experiencing all life has to offer.
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Checking in on day 511 
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Great numbers Kiki
Love it
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Checking in day 1911 AF.
Checking in day 90 no soda/pop.
Chemo meds are kicking my butt and feel so sickly/sleepy all the time.
I cannot believe ill soon have a 24 and 25 yr old yikes, where did the years go.
Stay safe and sober peeps 
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Day 16 - Checking in, busy busy days, but I’m sort of enjoying it. I am getting really focused on my goals and enjoying the process.
Had a great session with my therapist, discussed my progress and some of my family dynamic I’ve been toiling with.
Anyways, another day down, going to clean up and rest!
Much love to you all!
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@MrMoustache I do hope the meds help and you are able to get a good nights sleep
@Troj04 Great work on your 41 days - that is impressive work 
sending luck for tonight - hope your event is going smoothly. Remember that you don’t need to restart this journey and drinking / smoking will not add any fun to the evening
@HillbillyChris Sorry the work environment turned so toxic but grateful that you were able to leave it. Hoping all goes well for your wife and child. I’m sure the diagnosis is a bit unnerving but have faith that all will be well Lovely that you were able to celebrate Magnolia’s day with good friends 
Sending you hugs and love and healing energy. Remind yourself that your health would only suffer worse if you were to drink. You have made it this far – just keep using your tools and pushing forward. Great to see you checking in!
@Lighter AAH Yes - our bus get away! I am so very ready. Think @tailee was also gonna join us. My bags are ready 
LOL – i see she already had a gif ready 
Heck yeah - you have come a hell of a long way Lisa. So many amazing adventures and wonderful changes. You do not need that nasty poison in your life. So excited for your upcoming 1 year!
@LittleMissL Big hugs dear Laura 
I did not know about the Chemo / cancer. sending you healing vibes and energy. Here if you ever need to talk
Checking in on Tuesday evening
727 days free of alcohol and weed
1142 days free of cigarettes
It has been a decent day. I did get some movement and for that I’m grateful. Did get some quality time with mom too. Day did fly by really fast. We did make it just in time for the movie … Sonic 3 was great. I have not watched the others and it did not really matter for the story line. Was nice to get out and have another outing scheduled for tomorrow 
Head is throbbing so I’m gonna make some tea and try to rub my temples. Hoping for an early night.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
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Hey all, our whole family has been down with the stomach flu/gastro, and man its been intense! This was not a 24 hour bug rodeo, Ive been sick since Sunday and can still barely eat 
Daughter is home now, so Ill have missed 3 days of work this week which sucks but i also need to feel bettef my gosh.
So i have had an uncomfortable situation come up around Christmas and I wanted to share because boundaries have become a huge thing for me, and being the eldest daughter I have known no bounds when its come to my family…but alas. We are having my mom and nephew come for Xmas, and her boyfriend will drive thrm up here. My mom called me; sounding not herself; saying that her bf’s middle child was going to do the drive here, stay the night and go home with him so he didnt have to drive alone and I just politely but firmly declined. For context, I do not know my moms partners daughters, and have only met her 3 or 4 times in the 20 yrs my mom has been with her partner. My moms bf has been vocal about the fact that we are not family, my sister and I are not his children, and my children and nephew are not his grandchildren. My mom and him live separately, a choice that has been his but she has gone along with. He is very wealthy person and she lives separately taking care of her own life on her pension. There dynamic to me has been strange at best, but I have seen over the years the abuse of power and emotional abuse. So I just said no, my mom does not want his daughter to come becayse none of his 3 daughters are nice to my mom at all, and in my opinion he empowers his daughters to be this way.
My best friend said, but maybe this will cause more tension with him. And you know what yes, sometimes though an uncomfortable no is worth more then an uncomfortable yes. I asked my mom if she would say yes because she doesnt mind his daughter being there, or because shd doesnt want a fight and she said…she doesnt want her to come.
Christmas is a time to be with family. And ah yes, how true this is. Open your arms and hell even people we barely know we invite in and welcome and feed and be merry with. I am for it and about it to a point. My core family are my children, my husband, my nephew and my mom. My time with them is sacred, and if you are not adding to this joyous occasion and bringing joy to their lives then you can wait.
Opportunities to build bridges and extend branches and all of that are a beautiful thing. Its also a lot of fucking work that is often placed upon women to do, and to grin an bear it. Its okay to say maybe another time. Its okay to say no. And its okay for people to not be too fucking happy about it. I think im writing this because part of me does feel soft around it, and part of my does want to say “just come”…but there is also reality, there is also the comfort of my mother, the chasm built between two families that is not my job to bridge, and there is also the ability to say this is my time and my home and my space and this is how I protect it.
If she ever reached out, id be more then happy to speak to her. If she ever wanted to come visit, Id think about it, plan around it and have to emotionally prepare myself for all of that…but this just felt uncomfortable for me, and so at the risk of upsetting someone else I said no.
Xo.
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382 days
Been an improved couple of days, backs feeling a lot better and able to move a lot better. Back at work yesterday, was busy.
Today I’m working a 24. Been busy so far but now we’re out of action due to mechanical issues so just chilling for now.
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2925
Feeling a bit unsettled because of work. I know it’s just the way work is right now and I am going to keep doing the best job I can. It’s not my fault work is a bit anxiety inducing right now. They have SUCH high standards for everything and everybody seems to have their eyes on this project I am working on. I need to stay humble and not get rebelious or ticked off which my drinking self would have done. Work is supposed to be worky sometimes. Deep breaths. Hope you all have a great 24!
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2020
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come from it. Love. Pic is from a summer hike in 2020.
Thanks for the reminder Karen. I’m not enjoying work so much atm. Not even sure what it is. Will work on it. Just two days to go to the solstice 
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671
Another productive day. There were a few times I had to talk myself out of looking at my phone. Time seems to go by faster there, and before I know it, I’ve lost an hour of my day(or more 
) Glad I could easily convince myself not to bc some days are tougher than others. Will keep working on it
I got the rest of my shopping done(besides stocking stuffers), so I’m sticking to my plan so far. I also folded old laundry, washed more, and folded it all in the same day! That’s gotta be some kind of record for me I just finished giving myself a much needed pedicure. My toe was hurting and when I took off the old polish, I discovered a bruise. Can’t think of when that happened, but it all feels better now after some trimming and filing. Looking down for so long gave me a headache so I’m hitting the hay early. Have a great 24 everyone!
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So busy the last few weeks. I thought being a parent got easier as they got a little older
Work is no picnic of late either though. But hey, it’s Xmas next week and I’m in a good place so I can do busy thankfully.
Have a great day
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Yes strange isn’t it those wine ore other alcohol that people give to eachother at birtdays ore holidays? I used to do that myself too. I never thought about it untill I tried to get sober. Why giving a drug to someone?
Since I’m sober I never give alcohol as a gift anymore. Glad you gave yours away immediately! 
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Welcome back Chris, sounds like a big wave to me wich you surfed on quite well.
New life on his way 
And double feelings because you have lost one too 
Understandable that feelings of drinking pass by, and happy they stay just thoughts.
Hope you stick around long enough to share us the happy news!!
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☆ Day 2282 
Had a relaxed day yesterday, didn’t do much beside whatI’ve planned.
Picture of 2 dancing ore fighting (?) Skeletons on the wall of a church I saw in France last holiday. It put a smile on my face back then and now
Today? Work.
Have a good day ore night all
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@Scorpn Thinking about you and hoping everything is okay with you, your home and family. Big hugs for the holiday season. Hope you’re able to enjoy some with the family.
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Day 41
My Son#1 messaged me last night and asked if my home group has a meeting next week on Christmas eve. He gets his 3 month chip and wants to stay the night at his Grandad’s house, go to the meeting, get his chip and be in town for Christmas day at my Son#2 house.
First of all… EEEEEKKKKKK!!! It is Christmas Eve in a week and I have done nothing to prepare. I do not have a single present purchased or wrapped. What the heck. I am once again so dissapointed in myself and my lack of care about what is obviously important to those around me. I didn’t even bother to order a few bits off Amazon…
Here’s the plan. I am going to take a few days off work, starting Thursday and get my life on track. I have to do better. I have to be better than this.
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My main problem with online dating is you’re expected to chose a person based on looks. I fall in love with personality, humour, intelligence, kindness etc… obviously there has to be some physical attraction too. And then it’s interview time & you’re trying to force a connection. I’m open to meeting someone in real life but I’ve given up looking. Unless it occurs naturally then it’s not for me.
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