Checking in daily to maintain focus #76

Life in Recovery
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Hey.

I’m going crazy. I’m stuck at a motel in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere with little to do and a mostly junk food diet for 5 days now and might have to wait another week as the new clutch for my car literally has to be flown in from the mainland as there are none in stock in Tasmania…! I’ve been binging my phone, not socializing much, inactive and am not in a good headspace right now. Can’t play the guitar due to other guests in neighbouring motel rooms, movies, games and my phone in general are kinda boring (actually great for a change, and a sign of my progress! :innocent: but alternatives are few here), I’m yearning for good, healthy food, freedom and productivity again… Sweet jesus :sweat_smile:

I wanted to post yesterday and this morning actually but also often overthink messages, sometimes to the extent of just thinking fuck it and not posting anything instead… Something I’m working on. I’ll get there.

Sigh. What to do?

I can meditate. I haven’t in a while, and now is as good a time as ever. I think I need it even. And why not a full hour for once, it’ll do me good, especially if I’m thinking of joining vipassana sometime this year.

I can work out and/or jog. Again, I haven’t in a while. If my back feels fine tomorrow again, I will.

I may not be able to cook atm, or want to eat out too often as it’s expensive here, but can still eat a bit healthier if I’m creative and put some extra effort in.

I can go for walks for the sake of movement, fresh air and walking anyway, doesn’t matter where.

I can still be productive with A) calling and sending a follow-up email to my legal representative (concerning a refund), B) applying for some more jobs, C) planning my trip (including vipassana) a bit, and D) organizing a few other things on my to-do-list.

I can also reach out on facebook and a whatsapp group for travellers if anyone is in the area and has a spare seat to do some things together in the meantime.

Anyways, I can’t believe it’s already 11:55pm again, time to reign in on my sleep routine again and at most put on something to help me sleep so I’m mentally and physically fit for tomorrow.

Good night guys, stay sober and shine on, where there’s a will there’s a way… :muscle::heart:

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Day 4. Missed my check in yesterday as we were moving for 12 hours straight! Got a lot done and slept like a log. The new apartment is SO NICE and….. quiet!!! My body is in shock from how quiet it is. This is what I needed. I was able to sleep without the Bluetooth mask for the first time in more than three months. And because I’m not drinking, I can dream again, and remember my dreams. Not to say they are all good but I like it. Also, this apartment gets direct sunlight in the morning, and our old one didn’t, it was dark like a cave, so this is also helping my mental health.

When we moved in they left a welcome basket with champagne and when we poured it out the smell of it gave me a jolt. It was almost like taking a drink. Crazy! I don’t even like champagne. I know I’ve been “cheating” with these early days of sobriety because I’ve been so busy I don’t even have much time to think about it. It’s the downtime that is hard for me. Whenever I’m sober I want to go go go or exercise until I can’t anymore. I need to learn how to be still and rest without alcohol.

There is also a friend I have known for 20 years who does coke and when I drink we always connect a lot, sometimes we talk all night. For me, he is as much a part of my addiction as the alcohol. He messaged me last night and I know I have to block him but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do that. I know it’s bad but I want to be honest here.

I have a lot of gratitude for this new apartment and I’m appreciating being in an environment where I’ve never ever taken a drink. I need to figure out which parts of my recovery program I want to keep and which I need to tweak to ensure I stay sober. I like taking pieces from different places - AA, meditation, therapy. The spirituality element is the hardest part for me for lots of reasons. But, I know I’m “overthinking” probably. And where has my brain led me before? To alcohol. So, maybe I shouldn’t think so much.

@TS66 I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. :people_hugging:

@SarahBear congrats on 40 days!!

The sobriety stacking up here is incredible. You all are so strong I’m in awe. I always relate to so much that is said here.

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Thank you, everyone, for your kind and supportive words.
I’ll confess. Im not holding it together. Im sleeping, but I am not eating. I feel like a huge ball of stress. And I think I screwed up a banking thing, so I’m fearful of an overdraft notice.
I know eventually I will be okay. And I’m not going to drink. When the temptation hits, I remind myself how much more screwed up life would be if I drank.

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Haha nice!!! :smiling_face_with_sunglasses::sign_of_the_horns:t2:

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The opposite of addiction is connection. Not mine but from this TED talk: “Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong” by Johann Hari. If you never listened to it I advise you to do so (on youtube). It’s my most important mantra since I got sober. And while we both found and find connection here, we need it in ‘normal’ life as well. I feel you need some more help, some more contact, some more friends or family or colleagues or professionals or whoever, to make it through. You’re in a very tough spot friend. Even when you’re not going to drink. Which I know you won’t. :people_hugging:

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Glad to see you Lauren, and big congrats on your new place! The reason I posted the quote is this: have you been honest with your friend? Have you told him exactly what you’re telling us here? And if you did, what was his reaction? I feel honesty there, towards him, might help you, maybe even the both of you. Maybe it could makes things more clear for you. He might give an honest answer.

As to spirituality: what that is exactly, is totally up to you. For me searching for connection to other people, and to animals, to plants, to the world, to the cosmos is more than spiritual enough. Meditation, conscious living, being creative, working on my body and mind and being in nature, are some of the ways to get me there.

Happy to see you friend. Glad to be be on this road together. :people_hugging:

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@sober26 Congrats on your 1 week today! Keep up the amazing efforts :muscle:
@betu The cycle is relentless – each time you relapse it gets harder to come back from it and your body takes a harder toll. The addict mind really fucks with us. Use your support, your tools and fight the urges. It really is all about one second at a time. :hugs:
@sarahbear So grateful you reached out to your support system and found a way to get a sober head on the pillow another night! Hope you enjoyed the book / tv and meditation :hugs:
@just_laura OMG – I do keep multiple alarms to make sure I don’t accidently stop them instead of snoozing on the phone but I do clear them once I no longer need them and I do not sleep through them :laughing: Sorry that your sleep was interrupted so many times. Crazy that he has so many old alarms on his phone YIKES!
@lighter Do what you can friend – listen to your body and make sure you also find a way to stimulate the mind with positivity :hugs: Good luck with the dental work
@canadiangirl OOF that is a lot to deal with and of course a source of anxiety. Glad that you are putting your foot down on the alcohol /wine. Sorry your partner is not understanding of you needing support with this gathering. It is a lot for one person to prepare and host – especially with a full work and home schedule. Sending you strength!
@1in8billion I am sorry for the space you are in. Hope you do get out for a job or are able to meditate. Something to feel active and positive. Remember that everything is temporary and you are doing good and hope you get a good nights sleep so you are physically / mentally fit for the next day :hugs:
@catmama23 Anything / anyone who hinders your recovery or creates triggers needs to be blocked. It seems harsh but it is for your own benefit as you will always get sucked into the chaos / void if you stay in the situation. I do like you taking time to look at your recovery and find tools that will work for you individually – it sometimes does help to pick and choose from different programs and create one for yourself as long as it is benefiting your recovery and keeping you on task. Glad you are enjoying your new home :hugs: ODAAT!
@ts66 Big hugs friend :people_hugging: So sorry for what you are dealing with. Do take the time for self care. You have been through a lot and it will take some time for your heart / mind to heal. One moment at a time :hugs:

Checking in on Monday morning
I did sleep last night. Not feeling refreshed yet. I did manage to get a lot done this morning in sorting through my stuff at my parents home. It feels good to be downsizing. I am getting rid of a lot of my stuff (was due to space but now feels like growth).
Going to relax a bit before I head to the pool.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love :heart: :heart:

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Checking in day 1. I went 57 days sober then drank and here I am today. Sad and mad at myself that I gave in. Didn’t have a plan at all. I’m excited to do this again. One day at a time.

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Your 57 days don’t go away. Live, learn, and kick ass. You can do this.

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I had too much and now I’ve been sick since coming home last night. I’ve been in bed since. But you’re right. It didn’t go away. I got this.

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Thank you Jazzy! :yellow_heart:

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Hello happy monday,
Day 2 here AF. I had a morning off to get some sleep and now I am organicing the week. Tonight I will be attending my first AA meeting in years. I am excited.
Wish me luck!
Have a good one. Odaat.

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Sorry you relapsed. Glad you are here right back at it.
Having a plan and support system is important as it helps keep us focused. Take it one step at a time.

Check out What’s YOUR plan? Thread of you haven’t already done so. Some great tips and advice here.

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Day 3 - checking in, first day back at work and I’m really having a hard time, but I’m putting in a brave face and getting through it.

Holding onto to that hope that everything is going to be okay again. I am getting glimpses of it, but I’m struggling to believe that the pain will break

ODAAT

Much love

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Yes. I cannot go back to that life. It’s too harmful in so many ways. Thank you. I will check out that thread!

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We got this!!!

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When I committed to showing up and either posting or journaling in this app every day things were going quite smoothly. I stepped away and gave myself too long of a break without structure and/or goals. I haven’t relapsed, but I’m definitely not in as good a place as when I do something daily for my recovery.

That said, I’m committing to either journaling or posting in this app the rest of April and all of May. That should get me back on track rather quickly.

Wishing you all a healthy, happy day.

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It’s definitely easier coming on here and checking in. That’s a good goal to have.

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Day 1156
Having a good day so far. Feeling positive :smiley: I went to the grocery store this morning and did a big shop. 2 weeks worth of food. Came home, put everything away, and now Im about to head to the gym for my Body Scan and a workout. Not much else to say at this point. Just wanted to check in. Hugs
:butterfly:

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Good afternoon.
Day 58.
Had a good day, finished work then rushed to the bank for an appointment to arrive 24hrs early! Grrrrrrr haha.
Been busy in the garden as Im assured the weather is changing tomorrow.
Done my April full body workout challenge day. Feeling better for taking part in this. And feeling stronger too @TS66 You are doing so so well Trey. Eating properly will come again. I can only imagine the things that need sorting out on top of your grief. Thinking of you mate and its always great to see you here. :people_hugging:
@canadiangirl Its good your getting a little anxious now. You have plenty of time to put a plan in place should you need it. Do some reading to reaffirm what you know about alcohol and why you quit. Look at all these sober days you have racked up! Its fantastic! Enjoy your day just like everyone else. If you feel the need just get up and stir that gravy. You’ve got this .
Have a good one today guys.
:+1:

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