Feeling like there isn’t much color in the world today. Just lonely and desperate for connection. Have this viewpoint that I’m lacking love because there isn’t a romantic partner in my life anymore. So I got into my al-anon books and sought some guidance. It helped. Then followed up with a walk with the pooch.
Part of me knows that there is an abundance of love out there in the world but I use every small detail of someone’s behavior as evidence for how unlovable I am. Recognition of that abundance will grow only if I stop worrying about what I am receiving and turn my focus to what I can give.
I can take this time of being single as a blessing of my HPs protection and an opportunity to learn and grow to validate myself. I can’tlet a relationship determine my worth anymore. I have done a lot of work on myself and it’s so easy to allow that negative voice to drown out my efforts.
@butterflymoonwoman Damn that is a crazy night. I am sorry for the mess in communication this company. They really do not have their shit together. I probably would have been much worse with them at 10:45 pm … especially when it became apparent that they did not have a schedule set up. Glad to read in Gratitude thread that your son’s not too sick – hope he rests up and is well enough to go to school tomorrow @redro Glad you found the check in thread. Yikes! Sorry about your back muscle. Day 1 is awesome and heck yeah – be super content with putting a sober head on that pillow at night. This alone is the biggest accomplishment and you should celebrate your strength. ODAAT @systematicsupernova Love that you are celebrating 50 days soon! Super proud of you! This community really is a blessing and keeps me on track. Glad to hear that you are feeling the effects too Keep up the amazing work friend! @dilettante Grateful to read this. Much love girl – hope you keep enjoying calmer and restful days @bomdhil Double digits soon Thomas! Very excited for you LOL – no doubt – enjoy that dark chocolate
WOW – 11 days is wonderful already! I know recovery seems slow and long but it will go by quickly my friend. You are doing well! Take it slow and easy – you will be back to doing ALL the things you love in no time. Remember to check in here and reach out when you do feel like you are struggling – we got your back @rtros Yippee on your 2 weeks! It definitely will pass. Take a hot or a cold shower – maybe both? Do something for yourself like dance while listening to music, watch comedy, give yourself a foot massage with essential oils. Call someone to talk to or read around here and engage with the members on the various threads. Go to bed early – sometimes just sleeping through it helps.
This is beautiful. YES! They do say that we need to focus on ourselves and our recovery in the first year of sobriety as many emotions and much healing is done during this time. 300+ days is great friend. Glad you are taking the time to heal and get to know yourself in this new lifestyle. You are not unlovable. Lets work on rewiring your self talk to the positive.
Checking in on Sunday night
1005 days free of alcohol and weed (AKA 33 months)
1420 days free of cigarettes
Was a lazy kinda day. Did have a lovely catch up session with my mom this morning. Grateful she mentioned wanting me to come over for coffee and grateful I said “yup - i’m on my way” LOL
Spent a few hours trying to nap but couldn’t fall asleep. Had a hankering for chili and got my butt to the store Glad I was able to get it started and it still tasted amazing even if it wasn’t as thick as I would have liked.
Just watching some tv and catching up here.. wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
Late Sunday check in. Just waiting for my daughter to drift off to sleep. What a stretch of days. Day 4 in a row of mostly solo parenting, with my wife working overnights. I’ve done lots of cooking, daddy-daughter social activities, and fun outings.
Gotta push through and tidy the kitchen and living room after she goes down, then try to get down to the home gym for a bit of cardio. I hammered out a tidy house before crashing Thursday and Friday, but caved in to rest last night.
Happy to be here with you, and sober. Let’s keep at it, for good!
I can do the dishes, but I never actually have (I did do them for years elsewhere) I just meant I don’t think anything is beneath me. But I know what you’re saying. I’ve seen our GM put on an apron and jump behind the line in a time of need. I only try to set the same example. Whatever it takes to get the job done.
Exactly! She has no problem barking orders, but doesn’t want to finish the work when it all comes down on her. As a manager, you need to know everything it takes to close down the entire building alone. I’m not the only one who thinks she was promoted too soon, but I do have faith in her ability to grow. Mmm…chili I gotta be in the mood, but it always hits the spot! Glad you got you some
Good morning everybody at the begining of my 4th week.
Im feeling good about that.
I did have a busy day lined up yesterday but ended up having a walk on the beach and then coming on here and watching TV all day with my wife. It was good because its something we never do.
Im starting to get headaches which I never used to get. Im thinking its my screen time on here and perhaps not hydrated enough throughout the day.
Another working week begins… @Moriah Happy birthday love, enjoy your day .
Did next to nothing yesterday. Needed the recoup time. Made some good food though, and will try to duplicate that later. Will be more active today. One day at a time right. Vaccination to get, basketball to play, some (online and offline) shopping to do. Some calls to make. Should be about enough. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from my bike ride through Friesland Saturday. I passed this dairy farm where I spent lots of time as a young teen during holidays, doing odd jobs, and hanging around. Some of my best youth memories lie there.
I had the weirdest but most entertaining dreams last night. In one of them, I saw members of my extended family (who don’t really get along) hanging out together at a Christmas market. The most surprising part was that my father was there with us, along with my mother. In real life, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the two of them together with their kids at a Christmas market, just a dream! Still, given the work I’ve done on myself and with my family over the past two years, I like to see this as my inner child healing on a deeper, subconscious level, letting me experience positive events I didn’t have in childhood.
I also dreamed of a very close friend of mine who passed away about three years ago. He was doing very well. Despite all the “fights” and misunderstandings in our relationship, I was very fond of him for everything he offered and taught me. I didn’t have the opportunity to see him the year he passed, and the last time we saw each other in Ibiza, Spain, where he lived, we didn’t get along at all, mostly because my active addiction blurred so many of my relationships. This dream felt like healing between the two of us.
I’ve done a tremendous amount of work on myself over the past two years, and getting sober has been the cherry on top. I can now see how this is positively affecting my subconscious, because when I wake up from these kinds of dreams, I can see behind the veil, the messages they really carry.
I woke up early this morning as part of a commitment I’ve made to myself to get two extra hours of work done every day. I have new plans for my career, and I need to get things done.
Today is the first day of autumn (the equinox) and to me it’s like New Year. This is when I plan my solar year ahead.
Today I am grateful for:
my daily routines and the power they have to set the tone for my days
public transportation, as I hate to drive
the gift of remembering my dreams, thanks to meditation
Another tired day. It was really tough to get going. Had a stubborn headache as well. Didn’t do much before work bc I didn’t know how long I’d be there. My shift started at 3pm, which is usually when we close on Sunday, but there was a tournament Luckily they were already in when I got there and ate 2 hours earlier than planned They wanted to gtfo as much as we did! We were done by 7:30, but it was a really hard shift. Way more heavy lifting on a way hotter day than expected I got that tense muscle thing going on again. Tomorrow’s gonna be a rough one too Need to find time for some real relaxation soon, more for the mental side of it. Broken sleep will have to do for now. Hope you have a great 24!
Thanks for sharing! I have also had some weird dreams about my dad which I’m not contact with. I’ve also had dreams about my middle kiddo who doesn’t want to see me because of my drinking and drug using. But in the end I can least be with them in my dreams.
Finished redecorating our living room last week, we’re off caravaning in Scotland this week and getting a new sofa (my first new new sofa ever!) when we get back in time for spooky season movie nights!!
None of which would have been possible when I was spending all my time money and efforts on drugs and alcohol!
Very tired but very grateful and proud of all my hard work!!
First day of school holidays. Wife is on nightshifts at the moment so was a good motivator to get out the house and get to the gym this morning. Took the kids along, they played Nintendo and ran around playing tag with some of the other kids that had been brought along.
Back to the gym this afternoon for the kids sessions. Then home just in time to say goodbye to the wife before she left for work.
Had some dinner now the kids are just reading while we listen to some lofi.
I slept 11 hours!!! We got up at the usual 5am for our early Monday spin class then both lay (all warm and bed shaped) in the cosy dark and went ‘nah’. So the alarm was off and the sleep was ON! Lots of crazy dreams and I must have needed the rest because last night I was asleep before 9pm. I’m never asleep before 9pm. My heart feels relaxed and my breathing very still today. Might try and motivate my partner to do some stuff around the flat today as she has the week off work. We are going away Wednesday for a countryside stay overnight together. Can’t wait. Sober is the way forward. Keep at it.
Glad I was able to get it started and it still tasted amazing even if it wasn’t as thick as I would have liked.
I LOVE the holidays.
(I did do them for years elsewhere) I just meant I don’t think anything is beneath me. But I know what you’re saying. I’ve seen our GM put on an apron and jump behind the line in a time of need. I only try to set the same example. Whatever it takes to get the job done.
I gotta be in the mood, but it always hits the spot! Glad you got you some 
You go girl 
.
nothing wrong with cleaning dishes tho …
Luckily they were already in when I got there and ate 2 hours earlier than planned 
They wanted to gtfo as much as we did! We were done by 7:30, but it was a really hard shift. Way more heavy lifting on a way hotter day than expected 
I got that tense muscle thing going on again. Tomorrow’s gonna be a rough one too 
Need to find time for some real relaxation soon, more for the mental side of it. Broken sleep will have to do for now. Hope you have a great 24!
