Day 65 check in. I made it through my first day back at work after my Covid quarantine. I felt I did a good job pacing myself and my classes. I don’t need to get caught up in one day. In other good news, I woke up to discover I had been paid my first check of the fall semester three days early. I can exhale a bit now that I made it through the summer (I can only teach one class in the summer, so I only get 25% of my full-time check).
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Day 1074 sober and 812 self harm free. Still not smoking either. 
And I’m sure it would only make things worse.
I’m ok. Feeling a bit detached and numb. All I do is work and it’s so exhausting. I know inside I’m feeling a lot… but it’s almost behind a wall that I can’t get around. It makes the anxiety spike and then I start to lose the control I have over other parts…and that is scary.
I want to “go home” and feel protected and not…alone. Alone while surrounded by people who want to take anything and everything I can give and then ask for more. I want to feel calm and relaxed.
I’m not sure it’s possible… but writing can be my outlet for now.
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That sounds like a good plan. Whether it’s here at the site or in your own personal journal. There are always people, (warm human bodies even though through a screen) here to listen, and you are not alone. Big hugs for you and lots of love.. I wish there was some way I could take some of the burden off of you and help you feel protected and safe, relaxed and calm.
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Thank you, Jette! I never imagined that I would be the one taking care of him, but life had a different plan regarding unresolved business. It isn’t easy and it comes with many challenges, as my father is a very complicated figure. He lost his wife, my mother, during COVID‑19, and he was 100 % dependent on her for everything. Apart from working, he never played the role of a father or a husband. His whole system crashed after this episode, and in this final season he has the opportunity to catch up on all the “mistakes” he made in his life and confront firsthand the results. The same goes for me.
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Good day everyone, morning check in.
@Just_Laura I get you about things being very bad but we find a way. The alternative is unimaginable. Like @tailee17 says you are not alone. 
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@Mno Pleased you are unwinding and enjoying friend. The seas have been pretty rough these last few days, on sunday there was a guy out on an electric surf board, i should have taken a picture but i was transfixed.
No plans (as yet) for me today but my wife is off work as she still has that radioactive fluid in her system and as she works in a school its not safe for the kids. It was just a scan yesterday, no results yet. We’re always positive.
Best wishes for a decent day everyone 
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Hey lady. Sending lots of well wishes and hopes of change for you. Here if you wanna offload. I’m sorry you feel alone right now. Take some rest and time for yourself. You are one of the strongest people I know on here.
Remember that it’s always darkest before the dawn.
Love and hugs 
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Enjoy Viterbo, it is a very nice city with a lot of history indeed
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Hello everyone!
DAY 21
I had to sleep on the couch in the living room last night because my bedroom door was removed and the window had to remain open to accelerate the drying of the anti-mold product the painter used before actually painting the room (which will happen today). As a result, my cat had full access to the house and insisted on being fed multiple times during the night. He’s 17 years old but still very active, and he doesn’t take “no” for an answer. I managed to catch a few hours of sleep, but he woke me up three times. However, I’ve had a coffee, and here I am, showing up for my daily check-in and meditation.
Today I am grateful for:
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My studio, although it isn’t quite what I’d like to call a studio.
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My sister.
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The guy who is painting the rooms.
Have a great, sober 24 hours ahead!
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Day 2556 
7 years today! 
And so thank you all for being my sober back up! 
To celebrate the milestone I’m going to walk the “Caminito del Rey” today. I’m afraid of hights and well….this walk is going to be challenging for me.
So wish me luck 
Have a good day ore night all 
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- Feeling achy. Another application in, just one more to go this week by tomorrow deadline. They are so tedious and long winded and exhausting. I had super weird dreams all night and feel tired from sleeping. Apparently BlueyMan was trying to get me up very early by barking at me from his vantage point of laying on my partner’s chest and bothering her. How I’m getting blamed for somehow being the object of attention is beyond me.
What can I say, my boydems love me. Must be because I wake before 6am and open the balcony up and then whip them around the living room with their toys. 
Good job he’s cute… 
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Enjoy the Kings little path! I am sure it’s very amazing experience and it goes well for sure. Also nice to see this 7 years milestones reached. Wow! There’s something for almost all of us to reach for. I am checking in here with 143 days so will have quite many days to catch up these figures lol. But going towards that! Congrats and once again: enjoy today! You have earned it all.
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Very wonderful!!! Seven Years and a walk to remember on your journey!
Here’s one of the posts on the journey, just for you in case you don’t see it! Good thoughts for a wonderful walk for you and a great day in any in all cases! You’ve come a long way Sober Walker!
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Biggest congratulations. Seven years is totally wow. I want that too 
Good luck with the walk, you can do it! Lots of steady breathing! 
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666 sugar
530 UPF
Fall is comming. Equinox is this weekend. Temperatures are dropping, shorter days, longer nights, more rain. Usual stuff today, a haircut and some rowing later.
The last of the graffiti from our recent party.
Peace and love always 
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day 6. A high blood pressure 
. Let’s live more peacefully
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@JazzyS hopefully your allergies disappear. Are you taking antihistamines?
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@Von100 what a nice advice and pic you sent me!!! I am struggling with rest. I don’t rest well
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Hey fam,
I’m a little confused as I had a job interview earlier today which I thought went really well, everything seemed so promising and I was kinda confident I had it tbh, only to receive a rejection message later. Huh, ok then… 
Little disappointed, but all I can do is keep looking.
Have a good night (or day depending on where you are) and stay sober 
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Been there. I know how disappointed you feel. You will get the job you are meant to have.
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Stop. Posting. Links. To. YouTube.
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