Checking in day 741 AF 
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Day 41
Good afternoon. I usually check in during morning but I was so lazy and was just relaxing and watching TV. I worked yesterday and it was good just my boss and I. I honestly donāt do much but spend my time at work or home and the time I go to meetings. Things can get lonely but I deal with it and I am fine with how things are. I did some errands and just on my way home now from them. Its wet and gross out and I will be happy to be back home. I keep telling myself I am going to check out the recovery church I found for Saturday nights but still havenāt made my way. Possibly next Saturday I will try and push myself to do it..
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Checking in on day 28
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Thank you Emilie, also a great suggestion. Iāve had an eye on a few long distance American hikes pretty much for a couple decades. The AT, PCT and CDT have always held my heart. They may be a bit much for me to take on, but hey ya never know.
We do have very cool long distance hikes here in Canada also and Iāve thought on some.
All are on my radar, but Iām just not sure if thatās it. What I do know, skydivingā¦. Perhaps Iāll pass on that haha. Not my cup of tea. Challenge there for me would be holding my bladder, lol 
Iād rather fight off a bear than pee my pants!!
My eyes and ears are open. Waiting now that Iām looking for what that āthingā is going to be.
Thank you
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Iād like to include more Bible study. Some workouts. Definitely more reading as well!
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Still waitingā¦
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Day 84.
Iām beginning to suspect I may be struggling to recover from burnout. In no way do I feel capable or ready for school to start up again. Overall, I feel okay. But it has been a long while since I have struggled so much with basic daily to-doās. Iām trying to just lean into it, assuming it will get better once I catch up on rest. Yet the weeks keep ticking by, and my energy remains almost nonexistent. I donāt feel depressed (as I have during periods of burnout in the past) I just feel like a wet noodle.
Itās been about a month since I last made it to the gym. I tweaked my back doing some work in the garage yesterday and have been slugging around all day doing nothing. I havenāt been social at all my entire break, just desperately cocooning.
Iām not ready for this year yet. Iām not ready to keep trekking through. I just want to rot. I keep reminding myself that at least Iām rotting sober. At least my body is healing and resting and recovering during this period of laziness. At least I have that. 
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Check in and honesty to 2026. I have been on this forum for many years and have always had in the back of my mind the opinions of @Englishd . It has hindered me in wanting to post about my relapses . Maybe it is is because he is so honest or maybe it is because he āgot itā in the beginning of his journey. I have always worried about posting because of his opinion (his thread ātruth and tough loveā) . Maybe not wanting to let him down ( he has great recovery and works it in the community ; maybe Iām jealous). or maybe because I let myself down time and time again. When I āsawā other members wanting to be part of his āthreadā i wanted to be part of it tooo. But itās just political stuff (no place on here). Good luck @Englishd and congratulations on engagement, and I miss @Yoda-Stevie . Your honesty accounts for Everthing. Except I have to be honest too; i have been quite paranoid to post because of your opinions. 
itās 2026 and itās time to be honest 
Iāll probably get kicked off now ; who knows 
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Day 25 sober
Stage of change: action
Havenāt been craving my drug of choice lately; even the night time cravings donāt seem to be happening! Just did some work, gym, chores, applied to another Senior SRE position, etc! I tried the CKAD practice exam on Friday. I understand all the concepts and what each question wants for an answer, but I donāt have most Kubernetes YAML syntax and kubectl commands memorized. So, Iāll need to study a bit before the CKAD exam! 
I think I havenāt been craving my drug of choice because after that previous relapse I realized itās really not enjoyable or what I want in life. 
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Nope 
.
Itās tough to be accountable for relapses when in the thick of addiction. I totally get it. I use to avoid this place like the plague when I needed it most.
People handle criticism differently. It works great for some and does the opposite for others. Iām sorry that you feel like you canāt share when sharing would help you most. Take the positive comments and throw the rest out. Feel free to flag any comments you feel break TS rules.
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My relapses came before I joined this forum. My sobriety was chalked full of poor decisions. I just stuck with my program of listening to other people because I didnāt know shit lol.
We all figure it out eventually. You will too
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Checking in, day 15. Im sitting in the living room in the quiet by myself which can normally make me think about drinkingā¦ but tonight im not. Tonight im practicing being able to learn myself, my thoughts, and sit with myself. I hope everyone had a great sober weekend!
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Hey all,
Checking in before bed. What a beautoful weekend with the kids. Today we went to the 2nd hand store to get puzzles, out for lunch and then to the petstore for some extra supplies for our gecko. She ate her first crickets today then we were off to skating. Itās quite late for them getting off to sleep, but that is Sundays with skating.
I also had an emotional moment today totally out of nowhere. A song I hadnāt heard in at least 10 or 15 years. But it was emotional, and I got emotional! Funny thing is itās not a super emotional song, but reminded me I guess of being young and my sister.
Xo.
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Hello everyone!
DAY 137 AF
DAY 104 Smoke-Free
Yesterday went well. We had lunch with my brother, just two hours, but it doesnāt bother me. I guess my fatherās a bit annoyed by these quick visits, knowing heās been in Italy for over a week, stayed at my cousinās, spent more time with relatives than with him. Well, everyone needs to open their eyes sooner or laterā¦I did my part.
Iām focusing on understanding and learning more about boredom, since thatās basically what Iām facing right now: processing all the feelings that come from not accomplishing things as my ego would like, and realizing thereās no tragedy in a season of life where the āresetā button has its own control system, independent of my will.
Itās easier said than done to relax and let go of controlling time, but apparently, life wants me to reflect on this right now. My nervous system is learning to relax and simply live, instead of reacting in fight-or-flight mode as it has for the past six/seven years. Thereās a lot to decompress and heal from, and my mind (thanks to an inner invitation from my higher self), is learning to release the belief that someone or something is out to get us.
Checking in daily helps me record and track my progress. One day Iāll collect all these posts and read them in sequence to see how far Iāve come. For now, Iām happy to be learning to surrenderā¦
Today I am grateful for:
- A place where I can be accountable on my journey
- A heating system in my house
- The ability to buy a new canvas
Wishing everyone a solid 24 sober hours!
āSurrender to what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be.ā ā Sonia Ricotti
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Day 86 smoke free, 65 binge free, 20 snacking free.
No snacking turned out to be a very important step. Took me on the next level in my journey.
Have a peaceful day everyone!
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2410
Itās my Monday day off. The frost has disappeared overnight, and itās back to cloudy and wet weather again. Itās a good day to dome some (house) chores, I have an appointment for somatic therapy, and thereās basketball tonight. Iām afraid Iām going to skip again. Still got a bit of a problem with my hand/wrist after a fall I had nearly two weeks ago. Will see how today goes and decide later.
One thing thatās sure is that I will be sober and clean, and that Iāll make today as good a day as I possibly can. I hope you will all do the same friends. Pic is a good memory from my first trip to the USA in early spring 2017. Much love.
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Iām really sorry youāre going through this. You didnāt fail. You tried hard, and a relapse doesnāt erase that. It makes sense youāre scared and disappointed, especially feeling this sick afterward.
Going to urgent care is a caring choice, not a punishment. You deserve to feel safe in your body. And you deserve compassion, not consequences.
You donāt have to tell everyone or explain everything. Even saying āIām not okay and I need supportā is enough. Youāre not broken, and youāre not alone. Iām really glad you reached out and I hope you got the help you need 
We are here for you.
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Checking in day 14 AF. We go again!
I didnāt feel like getting out of bed today when the alarm went off but I showered and it woke me up.
Got into work slightly later than anticipated but I was still 20 minutes early and I like to be 30 minutes early.
Work is going OK so far, all my candidates were on time. Now give me some minds to mold!
Have a grand day, yāall. 
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I hope you are doing okay today @Jules000 ? 
has the dizziness got any better and were you able to teach out to any real life support? 
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782 sugar
646 UPF
The snow is mostly gone. Instead lots of freezing rain, sleet and ice. All of this freezes on the pavements and streets and makes for a hell of an ice ballet. My least favourite type of weather. Cohosted my Monday meeting, got a long list of chores and todos for the morning, a nap planned after lunch, deep work and rowing in the afternoon and looking forward to some LEGO building time later.
Peace and love always 
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