Youngest had a minor surgery this morning. After all the medical procedures and stuff she’s had over her short life she never ceases to amaze me with how she handles it. She tells me she’s nervous, but other than that she never lets any of it phase her. I feel She will grow up to be so resilient.
@OHsusieQ well done hanging in there. Thats all it takes. Keep stacking days one at a time. You may not be doing well, but your doing better than if you weren’t sober.
@acromouse glad your climate is improving. Spare a thought for us down here though, I had to put a jumper/sweater on this morning when I got up, even left the house in it this morning!
Yesterday afternoon and evening weren’t so great because I relapsed into watching PMO to distract myself from stress and depression. But I own up to it, and I’m not trying to sugarcoat it! I initially wanted to reach for liquor, beer, and cannabis, but I drove straight home. I already felt bad, with tears in my eyes. Since I stopped drinking, especially whiskey and brandy, I’m sometimes just so emotionally overwhelmed by even the smallest feelings, whether positive or negative. Watching PMO again wasn’t the solution either; isolating myself in the dark was too much, but alcohol, weed, and other stuff would have destroyed me even more. Yesterday I only drank two weight gainers, a can of Dr. Pepper, a tea, and water. No eating. That’s why I have to shovel food down today, so I don’t lose too much energy and weight again.
@JasonFisher I’m so sorry, Jason, to hear this. I could really feel all your emotions right there, as this has happened to me so often. In my experience, what didn’t work well in the past (when I was sober and dealing with situations like this), was that I left without talking.
Every time, I had to pay the consequences for not having the courage to explain myself and ask to be treated with respect. You are indispensable to him, and you know it. Grab this opportunity to tell him as it is, especially that you do not work for free, because obviously, he has understood that he can do this with you.
If you face this now, that won’t happen again. But if you keep repeating the same narrative and go (this is not your childhood anymore), then the same situation will keep repeating until you sort it out!
A new pet has joined the morning feeding routine: a beautiful little redbreast robin that now comes on time every morning and lunchtime with my cat to have its share of breakfast, which consists of bread crumbs. They light up my day the moment I see them, they’re so cute together, eating… really such a joy to see nature at play.
@CR84, I’m sorry about this situation, Cass. God, do what you need to do for now, but know it’s temporary, and you’ll be able to buy new equipment again soon. So often we lose material things and feel sad about it, only to see them come back into our lives in no time. It’s cyclical, and you can write and do yoga anyway, you can buy a mat for 10 bucks somewhere. The one I have here, for instance, I bought online while I was in India last year and it was about 5 euros. Hang in there …
It’s a sunny day. Off soon to walk my daily steps, listen to my favorite podcast meanwhile, and take the day for what it is: just another ordinary day sober!
My holiday sleep kicked in in earnest with a whopping nine hours, only waking up twice in between. I needed that. Probably has to do with the impromptu urban hike I did yesterday afternoon - went out for groceries, ended up doing a 3 hour walk. Caught the sun and some spring flowers. Took my mind of all the sh*t in the world right now.
Should start a bit of spring cleaning at home but today I’m having coffee with sis and then it’s off to the dentist for a last deep cleaning (for now). Spring cleaning might have to wait for a day. I’m going to make today as good a day as I possibly can. It will be sober and clean for sure. Here’s hoping you will all do the same. Much love.
@Butterflymoonwoman I’m glad things with you and yours are better friend. Hope you can find a little you time somewhere too @BackOnTheRoad Glad you withstood the craving for alcohol and drugs. I guess, like me, you’re an emotional person. It’s part of who I (we) am (are). I embrace it now. No need to hide. Have a good day friend.
1990- got 10 days off work and I’ve never been so excited about a concert in my life ( since the last one) POWERWOLF at Wembley this Saturday. Honestly sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving.
The social stigma is the real problem: once an addict, always an addict; you’ll never change, and then you’re supposedly a criminal (most of the time I was only on legal highs and research chemicals, and cannabis wasn’t illegal anymore when I was smoking it!). Then they say you’re aggressive (I was, too, when my blood alcohol level was over 3 Promille nearly to alcohol poisoning, but only verbally) and that you’re perverse if you’re addicted to porn and sex.
I have to disagree with you there. Social stigma is a real problem, but the main problem is with ourselves. We need to accept ourselves, be at peace with ourselves, learn to love ourselves. The stigma will bite less.
Social stigma is one of the reasons we need to be with our peers, with folks who experience the same stuff. We can find acceptance and understanding there.
In the long run, it is up to ourselves how much we want to identify with the label ‘addict’ in the world at large. It’s in my job description as “health care professional with experience expertise” to advocate for addicts, and to fight the stigma actively. And I do, in my own way.
Nobody is asking that of you. You take care of you, be the best version of you can be. And f*ck stigma. It´s a nuisance yes. Being emotional as a man is stigmatic too. I don´t care. Well, I do a bit. It´s still who I am. Self acceptance and self love. Be yourself friend.
Day 9 - I’m feeling a bit more grateful, a little less sorrowful for the “friend” I lost. A friend at work just asked me to come over in the next few weeks to help her pack for moving day.
Her: We’ll have great food and wine and make a party of it! (She knows I drink.. or that I DID drink.”
Me: (Courageously) I’m trying to be sober and I’ll be more help to you that way anyway.
She was surprised..I mean very very surprised, but understanding.
Her: Why are you making a change?
Me: I like myself better this way.
Her: I’ll get you a different bubbly then. What about a Sprite?
Me: I’m in!
That felt amazing! I was a bit worried she would belittle me somehow or call me a party pooper. But that was wonderful!!!
Day 1479
Morning TS fam! Actually feel rested today and ready to start my day! Have a few things to do once my son gets on the bus to school. I have to pick up my sons medical supplies from the hospital and then off to the gym and then to the library to print out a few things. Going to treat myself to a coffee at Good Earth… either the Dark cherry chocolate cafe mocha or the Iced salted sweet cream americano.
Cant wait!! Hope everyone has a great day!
You’re doing great Phil Dan wrote a wonderful post about the phases you go through in sobriety. Feeling a bit down but not knowing why might be an early onset of the ‘pink cloud’ dissipating. You’ve got a nice few sober days on your clock now, sober life is the norm. I’m just behind you at 57 days AF days, and I’m already starting to think / prepare for the sobriety ‘novelty’ wearing off. It’s not a novelty of course, but that ‘yeah, I’m doing this!!’ feeling starts to wears down. When this happens, you have to double down on your efforts, ensure you remember your ‘why’. I think it’s a dangerous phase, because silly notions like ‘ah sure, one drink won’t do any harm’ can start to sneak in. You’ve gotten used to sober life, might even be feeling a bit bored. All it takes is one slip, then it’s down a rapid spiral to the old days of your active addiction.
I’m going through Dan’s post at the moment, and it’s fantastic read. You should have a look over it if you haven’t before / not in a while
congratulations on your 90 days of sobriety.
I haven’t been online in ages. But I’m still doing good. And I plan on being more online again
Outside today