Quick second check in.
Councilor called back.
Long story short.
Fight, flight, freeze. I am always fighting against anything and adapting to get things my way. Always fight. I need to surrender…
Tomorrow i have an appointment to start CBT therapy again.
I just get the notification from TS that I reached my maximum of “likes”…
Sending 
to you all
Stay strong!
Today is good. I stood my ground. My daughter accidentally left my mail key over at his place. I kept repeated this am I wanted my key because he wouldn’t just hand it to my daughter this am. I went over and told him my mental health is needing to be addressed. He kept pestering when we were going to talk. I said when I feel ready and stable. It is definitely over for me. I feel relief. I have my own sense of autonomy back. Through all of this I am keeping up my sobriety. I cannot wait for the coming days! 10 more days until my puppy.
Checkin in this morning at the start of day 5. I feel good about that, it has not been easy for me to keep this sober thing going but I do feel some improvements in my health and mood and that’s a huge incentive for me. I used to take pills to function and feel “good” ( so I thought) and actually it was the opposite. I was so deep in my addiction that I truly believed I needed something to feel normal,but that’s not normal and I didn’t feel normal. Still struggling but feeling ok. I’m going to continue to keep busy doing healthy things. Have a Marvelous Monday everyone 
@Teapots @lovesea my day one is done, now just gotta do another day one then another day one, be strong.
@Mno, congratzzz on the 9 months… did it become a boy or a girl 
Here just checking in @ work
My floor scrubber that I have is better then yours 
lmao
We’re doing so well! WE’VE GOT THIS!!! Keep stepping forward.
167.57
Guys… My reasons for leaving are not nearly as important as my reasons for staying. I’m angry and hurt and bitter, but I need you all too much to go through all of this alone. This was the most isolating and depressing weekend… I’m sorry I skipped out, but at the time, I was just protecting myself emotionally. I have so much deep shit going on in my life, and I get constant reminders about how little I matter to others. But those of you that have reached out, really resonated with me. I don’t really know what to say. I’m still really angry and hurt. Never feels good to be a disposable piece of garbage, but yet that’s how I seem to get treated. I know this is vague, and I’m just going to leave it that way. I don’t want to talk about why I’m upset. I just need to work through it.
I almost did not make it through this weekend. I hate living, and I’m slowly shutting down. I tried reaching out to people in the real world this weekend, you can guess how that went. I’m sober though. I do know that drinking would make none of this better. I’m at work… I’m hating every second of it… The guy that wants to partner with me said that he has a “Great idea that will give me something to think about”… We’ll freaking see… I’ve pretty much lost faith there. He wants to use my expertise, brokers, time and effort, investment, and bank off it. Not today… I’m so fucking sick of being walked on. Way to come back, nice and positive. Sorry guys! I love you all, thanks if you made it this far…
And again, to everyone that responded and/or sent me a private message, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ll get over my baby bullshit, and pull up my big girl panties, and move forward here. Sorry I left you briefly. 
I’m so happy to see you back Beth. I just wish there were more we could do to make life just a little bit easier for you. Stay strong! 
So glad to hear!! It was tough and eye opening for me as well at first. But waking up hangover and regret free on vacation is such a positive experience. Very happy for you!!
You are inspiring Joy!!!
Day 7 has begun, I’m feeling okay and doing my morning routine. Have a plan for the day that includes some comfort activities after a busy and emotional weekend as well as hiding from this rainy day, although I will still go to the gym this morning. (Raises glass of green smoothie) Here’s to a sober and productive week!
Day 230. Hit the gym, and now it’s back to the grind at work. Terror is coming up on Wednesday, and that has me stoked. Otherwise, just a standard week coming up.
Starting my trip back home. I’ve begun my day with coffee rather than a mimosa like I typically would. I will choose not to drink on this flight.
Just very glad to see you back Beth. Keep going. Keep working on yourself. Keep sharing. One shitty situation at a time.hugs.
Day 49
Creeping my way towards 60. Spent the weekend trying to catch up on chores. It is almost like I need to take days off to get everything done. Embarking on another crazy work week. I will continue lightly checking in until the busyness wanes a bit.
@Hopeful777
Marie, I hope you had a great weekend. We will be at 60 days soon. It is amazing how fast the time is passing now!!!
Thanks Menno!! 
Day 35, damn I hope this isn’t the pink cloud bc I seriously feel so good lately. Before it was two or 4 days of feeling good and then couple days of foggy and depression, but so far I’m feeling great every day lately. I hope it sticks, last night one of my friends asked if he could go to a meeting with me. But shot down everything I said when asked about it, he wants to go because he thinks it’s gonna let him " drink in moderation", sometimes I feel like him and my other two friends are maybe mocking me about it. I’m not sure, and I don’t think he is serious enough about it. But I told him he is obviously more then welcome to join. He is going to be like many ppl and he isn’t fully open to it. So he isn’t gonna like it, and he isn’t gonna like the religious part. But that’s why we have to fully surrendered. You’re not going to stop or want to stop unless you fully surrender. Anyways it’s a good day nonetheless for me, even if it is Monday:). Have a good day everyone. @Girlinterrupted good to see you back and glad you made it:)
